Money - has dd got a point?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

Jesus Op you owe her the money. That was never your money to do that with. I would be really pissed off if I gifted a child money and their parents did this . Plus I would be really pissed off if I earned money and my parents effectively locked it away till I was 18. Honestly - are you this controlling over everything she does because I tell you she will off as soon as she is old enough

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.

@bendmeoverbackwards

She has a point tbh since you’re expecting her to fund it with her allowance from you anyway, you may as well buy them and tell her she can’t have her allowance one month

She still wants her monthly allowance. She wanted the money for the trainers to come from her savings that she now can't access.

Yes I can see why she’s upset. You’ve effectively removed her cash for 3 years.

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.

There are ways to deal this kind of behaviour without locking all her money up without her knowledge!

When you say 'from an event' do you mean an event she worked at?

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.

It's her money to spend how she likes though. It's not money you've given her, I wonder how the relatives feel about her not having access to her birthday presents?

I think you've made a huge mistake tbh.

It's her money, you locked it away with no discussion. She will never learn how to manage money if she isn't allowed the chance.

I would buy the trainers in full as an apology

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.

To some extent, learning that once you’ve spent all your money it’s gone and you can’t buy anything else you want until you have more, is an important lesson better learned as a teenager still living at home than when you’re responsible for your own bills and feeding yourself. Presuming we’re talking low hundreds in total rather than thousands, if she has control of her birthday / Christmas money in her account, fritters it on crap and then can’t buy something like expensive trainers when she wants them, that’s a learning experience.

Thank you all, I can see now I was wrong. I will try and put it right.

I think she should be able to spend her birthday and Christmas money. I’m not sure about the other money, maybe see if you can reach a compromise and that gets saved until she’s 18.

I didn't want to leave her without cash, she gets a monthly allowance to do as she pleases with.

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.

And she never will be good with money if she’s not allowed to handle it.

I find it hard to believe you opened an IsA without taking in the very most basic information about said ISA. Even if you didn't, you shouldn't be moving her money about.

Birthday and Christmas money shouldn't be locked away until they're older! It's gifted to buy something nice with, something you wouldn't normally buy yourself.

I do agree with you locking some money away for when she's older but my teens love having money from relatives and then letting said relative know what they've bought with it

Your daughter is right and you shouldn't have put HER money into an account she couldn't touch for several years without her knowing that. I wouldn't even lend her the money for the trainers, I would just get them and let that be a lesson to you that you shouldn't decide what happens with money that isn't yours

This kind of post often pops up here and I find it absolutely infuriating. Kids are given money for birthdays/Christmas, or even worse..earned it! And the parents decide to get hold of it because 'in one click the kid can spend it!' Good! Isn't that why it was given/earned in the first place?? There's plenty of time for them to learn about money/savings/ investment when they're a bit older. Let the kid have her money for gods sake

If she was given a present instead of the money it wouldn’t be taken away until she’s 18.
Or would it?

The other isa is stocks and shares and is running at 25% in a vanguard life strategy fund which basically is a bit of everything and then index tracker funds.

Can i ask which fund? mine one is only at 5%

Are you sure you can’t access the money. You normally can but you would lose the interest

It depends how much money.

If it’s thousands - then no you’re not wrong to want to prevent a 15 year old from having instant access to that, but you should maybe have discussed the implications more with her.

If it’s hundreds then she should be able to manage it herself at that age.

You can probably get it out of the ISA and just lose whatever interest it’s earned, but it would be a good time to actually talk to her about the financial implications of that decision - so explain how much she will lose if she takes all her money out of the ISA.

It's HER money and she's 15. You've way overstepped here. Refund her the full amount that you've taken from her, and you have the ISA when it matures. Let her spend/save/invest HER money as she sees fit.

@bendmeoverbackwards

No I didn't discuss the implications of the ISA. My thinking was - she had already spent some of it - absolutely fine. She gets an allowance of £50/month from us and she will hopefully get a part time job when she's a bit older. I wanted her to have a bit of money saved for her future and earn a bit of interest in the process.

You should have discussed it first

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.

If you're bothered about her being good or not with money (I was awful after I got my first job but was very badly paid so had to learn to budget) then sit her down and make her realise re budgets.

When I was 17 and started work I actually had a bank book with incomings and outgoings and then years later I used special spreadsheets but this is what my mum used.

@GlassHalfFullView

Are you sure you can’t access the money. You normally can but you would lose the interest

I'll phone the building society to check in the morning.

But I'm now thinking of leaving it where it is and lending her the same amount. I could open her another account so it's kept separately as savings but she could access it if she wanted.

Thanks all.