Money - has dd got a point?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

You cant withdraw money from a Junior ISA so that's not an option

@dementedpixie

You cant withdraw money from a Junior ISA so that's not an option

Never saw that 🤦🏻‍♀️

Personally, I would show her how much she will get at 18 from the isa, and how it is locked. I wouldnt get into a discussion about whether putting in an isa was the right or wrong thing to do, you are the parent and made that decision on her behalf when she was too young to make herself.

Then agree how she will pay the difference from her allowance. You both should have firmly agreed how it was going to be paid back BEFORE the money was spent, but she still needs to learn expensive trainers dont grow on trees (I sound like my mum 🤣) and the value of money before she gets access to money at 18.

@ArthurTudor

*I hope you tell the people who gift your child money it goes into savings and she can't decide what to do with it*

Yes I do. Loving this thread 😂 how outrageous of me not to allow a six year old to buy more plastic crap for the landfill and instead put it away for later

You can allow the child to spend its own birthday money without it being plastic crap for landfill.

I think it is really unfair and not at all in the spirit of the gift to put a £10 in a card type gift away in a savings account until the child is 18. Obviously it is a bit different if the gift is given with the intention of being for long term savings.

It would be a much better lesson for the child to be allowed to use the money. Even at six they can start to understand the value of money.

Why not open an instant access account for gifts and then the money could be used sensibly and/or saved for a shorter term. Say on a gift that the child wanted but didn't get, or something that they really want six months after their birthday. You could even take them somewhere that doesn't sell plastic tat to spend it, say a book shop.

Alternatively birthday and Christmas money from several people could be put together to buy something more expensive like a scooter or a swing. It could also be used for holiday spending money or for an experience like a trip to the cinema/theatre/theme park/water park or a holiday activity.

@ArthurTudor does your child send thank you letters for gifts? If so what do you say is happening to the money. When we were kids we rarely got cash gifts but when we did we wrote and told the person what we had bought. As it was often a joint Christmas gift from a far away great aunt we were encouraged to buy a board game or similar as it was something we could play with together and we wrote and told her what we had bought.

I usually just send a thank you text.

Not everything needs to be used as a life lesson. I can teach her about the value of money in other ways and later on. My decision to save the cash has nothing to do with life lessons.

I'm saying she doesn't need more books or toys. We are running out of space too. I'm not buying for the sake of it. It's consumerism gone mad.

Those who give cash know it's saved. No one outside of this thread cares. In fact my mil gave her the £100 and is pleased it is saved.

Do they know it is being saved until 18 rather than saved to say buy a new bike?

If they are giving money as a contribution to the child's long term savings then fine, but most people sending a tenner in a card expect that the child will have access to it to buy themselves something nice or do something nice.

@ArthurTudor who is buying your child so many toys and books that you don't want any more? Do you have an enormous circle of family and friends or are you buying them yourself (in which case, I guess you are actually saying "I don't want my child having anything unless I choose it myself")

My DB and SIL have made a conscious decision to limit the number of "things" their DC has. She gets limited presents on birthday and Christmas only and does not have things bought for her at other times. There's no way she could be considered to have too much stuff (in fact as some gifts are consumables such as craft materials, they don't last permanently). So if your DD has too much stuff, why not look at why that is, rather than restricting her from actually choosing what she wants to spend her money on?

DS is 15 and has a fairly highly paid job, earns up to £150 per hour and earns up to £1k a month depending on the time of year.

I would love to make him save it all as whilst it seems like he's highly paid now,when it is his full time job it potentially won't be. We have an agreement that he saves 20% that he doesn't touch at all, 40% he saves towards investing in his work and the other 40% he can spend as he wishes.

I feel he wastes loads of it still but he has to learn to manage his money himself. I have told him that the more he saves then it'll be easier when he starts to drive etc, hopefully he'll listen. It's his money, it the same way that money gifted to him is. I am here to guide him of course (otherwise he would have spent the lot on trainers and tracksuits) but it's not my money to take and put away till he's 18!

@PugInTheHouse

DS is 15 and has a fairly highly paid job, earns up to £150 per hour and earns up to £1k a month depending on the time of year.

I would love to make him save it all as whilst it seems like he's highly paid now,when it is his full time job it potentially won't be. We have an agreement that he saves 20% that he doesn't touch at all, 40% he saves towards investing in his work and the other 40% he can spend as he wishes.

I feel he wastes loads of it still but he has to learn to manage his money himself. I have told him that the more he saves then it'll be easier when he starts to drive etc, hopefully he'll listen. It's his money, it the same way that money gifted to him is. I am here to guide him of course (otherwise he would have spent the lot on trainers and tracksuits) but it's not my money to take and put away till he's 18!

What job does he do? That's crazy loads for a 15 year old to earn?

What a lovely little nest egg he'll end up with if he keeps up with that :)

DS is 15 and has a fairly highly paid job, earns up to £150 per hour and earns up to £1k a month depending on the time of year.

I'd love to know what "very highly paid job" looks like for a 15 year old if this is not it

[quote RedskyThisNight]@ArthurTudor who is buying your child so many toys and books that you don't want any more? Do you have an enormous circle of family and friends or are you buying them yourself (in which case, I guess you are actually saying "I don't want my child having anything unless I choose it myself")

My DB and SIL have made a conscious decision to limit the number of "things" their DC has. She gets limited presents on birthday and Christmas only and does not have things bought for her at other times. There's no way she could be considered to have too much stuff (in fact as some gifts are consumables such as craft materials, they don't last permanently). So if your DD has too much stuff, why not look at why that is, rather than restricting her from actually choosing what she wants to spend her money on?[/quote]
Her birthday is very close to Christmas so there's lots at once. We also have a lot of stuff as I have more than one child. She also had a party so was given lots by school friends.

She hasn't asked to spend the money anyway

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon

Do they know it is being saved until 18 rather than saved to say buy a new bike?

If they are giving money as a contribution to the child's long term savings then fine, but most people sending a tenner in a card expect that the child will have access to it to buy themselves something nice or do something nice.

They know it is going in the bank. Honestly it's no drama like it's being made out to be on here. No one thinks she's been robbed of a gift.

Found this thread so interesting. People really can't cope with a different way of doing things. I choose to save gifted money. Others choose to go to the toy shop with gifted money. I don't find either outrageous, but apparently my choice is.

I've been told my choice is stealing (it's not) and accused of robbing gift givers of the chance of giving something (they are welcome to give a physical gift if they choose to do so, I don't request cash - that's rude). These are extreme views. I'm trying to do the right thing for my child. I happen to feel a lum sum of savings for the future is a better choice for her. I am not aiming for a life lesson, I am doing what I think is best. That's a parenting decision. I'm not a bad person as people are making out on here.

Some of you need to stop. I've explained my decision countless times and I won't be swayed. This is typical of MN with pile on's.

I think the problem is that you have made this thread more about you than the OP, so people are conflating issues.
The OP has effectively locked away her daughters money until she is 18, expensive trainers are not plastic tat or crap and the child would probably remember the trainers that she thought worthy of her collected birthday money in the same way I remember my cherry red DM's or other people remember special things they chose as teens and felt proud wearing like the PP and her biker jacket.

The money is a few years old and it's the first time the girl has asked for it since the first few purchases. She has shown she is capable of putting money aside and not looking for things to want just because she knows it is there, yet is still labeled as not good with money.

I agree Arthur. I’ve been saving my daughters birthday cash for years and at 28 she was able to take control of a Jisa with thousands in. She hasn’t blown it all and she knew about it from 15. She’s not traumatised or thinks I’ve stolen from her, she’s delighted with it and very glad I didn’t let her spend it on stuff that would be in landfill now.
She got pocket money and if she wanted trainers if whatever she saved up for them. No drama necessary!

18 not 28

@Isthatthebestyoucando

I think the problem is that you have made this thread more about you than the OP, so people are conflating issues. The OP has effectively locked away her daughters money until she is 18, expensive trainers are not plastic tat or crap and the child would probably remember the trainers that she thought worthy of her collected birthday money in the same way I remember my cherry red DM's or other people remember special things they chose as teens and felt proud wearing like the PP and her biker jacket. The money is a few years old and it's the first time the girl has asked for it since the first few purchases. She has shown she is capable of putting money aside and not looking for things to want just because she knows it is there, yet is still labeled as not good with money.

I haven't made the thread about me. I posed a question and people were telling me how awful I am...of course I'm going to respond

@sashagabadon

I agree Arthur. I’ve been saving my daughters birthday cash for years and at 28 she was able to take control of a Jisa with thousands in. She hasn’t blown it all and she knew about it from 15. She’s not traumatised or thinks I’ve stolen from her, she’s delighted with it and very glad I didn’t let her spend it on stuff that would be in landfill now. She got pocket money and if she wanted trainers if whatever she saved up for them. No drama necessary!

Precisely. There is no drama. The only drama is on this thread!

@bcc89 he's a musician, gets booked for professional gigs. The pay varies of course depending on the gig. He puts hours and hours of work in to be able to perform, he works extremely hard so technically the hourly rate is probably rubbish in reality.

@redskythisnight sorry, that may have been badly worded. He's not a film star earning millions I guess. I am always so nervous of saying the wrong thing on MN, if I had said very highly paid someone would have corrected me no doubt.

The preparation he has to put in doesn't make it very highly paid as such. Also for instance Oct-Dec he can earn £150-350 for 2-3 hrs work a night once or twice a week, sometimes 4 or 5 times a week even. Then Jan-Mar he may work less as there is less demand. During covid lockdowns he couldn't work at all other than the odd online performance so really up and down (totally fine for him of course, not if he was an adult doing that as a job).

[quote PugInTheHouse]@bcc89 he's a musician, gets booked for professional gigs. The pay varies of course depending on the gig. He puts hours and hours of work in to be able to perform, he works extremely hard so technically the hourly rate is probably rubbish in reality.

@redskythisnight sorry, that may have been badly worded. He's not a film star earning millions I guess. I am always so nervous of saying the wrong thing on MN, if I had said very highly paid someone would have corrected me no doubt.

The preparation he has to put in doesn't make it very highly paid as such. Also for instance Oct-Dec he can earn £150-350 for 2-3 hrs work a night once or twice a week, sometimes 4 or 5 times a week even. Then Jan-Mar he may work less as there is less demand. During covid lockdowns he couldn't work at all other than the odd online performance so really up and down (totally fine for him of course, not if he was an adult doing that as a job).[/quote]
That's really good though OP, you must be very proud! :)

*PP :)

I'm not buying for the sake of it. It's consumerism gone mad

It wouldn’t be you buying. It would be the person the money was given to. You’re really not understanding that your child’s money isn’t yours, are you?

Thanks @bcc89 I am, it's lovely to see his hard work paying off and also him enjoying it,which at this age is definitely the most important thing. He is studying a slightly different side of the industry at college to help ensure he can work in one area of music even if it's not performing. I just said if he saves a lot he can have a nicer car to get to and from college otherwise he'll get an old banger from us - that should be a good incentive

@Blossomtoes

I'm not buying for the sake of it. It's consumerism gone mad

It wouldn’t be you buying. It would be the person the money was given to. You’re really not understanding that your child’s money isn’t yours, are you?

I perfectly well understand it's not my money. Hence why it's in an account with her name on. What you can't seem to understand is that the people who gave money don't care it is saved.

Stop implying I'm doing something wrong. I'm thinking about my child's future. Honestly some of these replies are like I'm Shannon Matthew's mother!

And as i am the one physically going to the shop to spend money it would be me buying wouldn't it.

@ArthurTudor

That's a sick response to mention a case of abuse in defence to your choice to save money. I would ask mumsnet to remove it. Flippantly using the name of someone who has committed a crime against a child to justify your choices is wrong.