Money - has dd got a point?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

I'm quite surprised by some of the responses. Yes, OP should have told her daughter the money is locked. But she isn't leaving her with no spends - she gets £50 pcm. I can see why she's annoyed but I think some of the posts are a bit ott.

Are the responses largely because she's 15 and can make reasonable decisions herself? Just reading some of the replies about how she should be able to buy what she wants with birthday/Christmas money and thinking about my own children. In particular my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

Tbh I'm not going to change my approach as I think the money at 18 will be better than extra toys she doesn't need now. But I am interested in opinions.

Should children of all ages have access to birthday money or just teenagers? Thoughts please.

@ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing

I think people are missing that she said she was going to save it! The OP obviously took this at face value, but should have explained an ISA. She’s not stolen the money or anything though!

I haven't missed it. She's locked it away though so stopped her accessing her own money, and without permission.

IMO one of the reasons why so many young people get themselves into debt is because they are never taught to manage money from an early age.

Instead of letting them learn the hard way that if they spend their money it’s gone and they won’t have it to spend in future, their parents take it away and decide how much they should be allowed to spend because they should have some for when they’re older.

Obviously it stands to reason that if we’re talking 10’s of thousands of pounds then one might take that attitude, but for a few hundred of birthday/Christmas money, let them spend it. Remind them that when it’s gone it’s gone, and encourage them to think about whether they really want to spend that money on a pair of trainers now or whether they might want to hold on to it to spend on something else.

And if they spend it, then so be it.

She’s 15,not 5.

I realise that OP has realised she’s unreasonable, but this happens with so many kids, and as soon as they hit 18 they get themselves into debt because suddenly there’s an unlimited amount of money available to them and they’ve never been advised on how to be prudent with money because their parents have always made the decisions for them.

How times have changed.

I must be a right out of touch old fart.

I never had to buy my own gadgets and clothes while I was still a child.

Neither did any other child I grew up with or knew of.

This thread has been an eye-opener about the financial element of modern parenting, that's for sure.

@ArthurTudor

I'm quite surprised by some of the responses. Yes, OP should have told her daughter the money is locked. But she isn't leaving her with no spends - she gets £50 pcm. I can see why she's annoyed but I think some of the posts are a bit ott.

Are the responses largely because she's 15 and can make reasonable decisions herself? Just reading some of the replies about how she should be able to buy what she wants with birthday/Christmas money and thinking about my own children. In particular my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

Tbh I'm not going to change my approach as I think the money at 18 will be better than extra toys she doesn't need now. But I am interested in opinions.

Should children of all ages have access to birthday money or just teenagers? Thoughts please.

You have a 6 year old?

Let’s see approach when she’s 15

You pick your battles. Or rather- I do. And I think the OP has been dogmatic, and that’s unfair

@ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing

I think people are missing that she said she was going to save it! The OP obviously took this at face value, but should have explained an ISA. She’s not stolen the money or anything though!

It doesn't matter that she was going to save it anyway - OP has taken her money and stopped her having access to it. That's theft. You can't just take someone's property and stop them accessing it for three years!

i have 2 teens. They have a current account, a savings account and ISAs. The GPs tend to give them money these days for birthdays etc. The have both the savings account and current account details, and will choose which account to pay into depending on whether they want them to spend the money or save it. Christmas and "normal" birthdays will usually go into the current account since it is in place of an actual present which they would have immediate use of.
One DC fritters the money in her current account on socialising etc (she uses it as a top up to her weekly allowance), the other will spend some on bigger items. Their choice.

The eldest (the fritterer) will turn 18 soon and will then be able to access savings account and ISAs. I am a bit worried about her having full access at 18 but know there is not much i can do about it without her agreement, although i will make clear the kinds of things it is intended to be used for and that we wont be topping it up if she fritters it. I am hoping she will agree to give us some ongoing control over at least some of it to help her manage it!

You are very unreasonable that you've put her money in a savings account that she cannot access without her knowing.

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.

She’s 14, of course she’s ‘not good with money’ because she’s a teenager who wants to buy stuff like most other teens. By taking control of her savings, you’re not giving her the opportunity to learn from her own mistakes.

I think you were out of order sticking her money in a long term savings account without discussing it through with her or giving her any other choices. Maybe apologise and give her the money back from your own savings?

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Any 15 year old would favour expensive trainers now but when she wants driving lessons or a holiday she'll be more glad of it.
Can't you start another instant access savings account? Then she can save her allowance for more instant treats.
I'd want her to appreciate the value of money and given she can soon get a part time job it won't be long til she has more cash.
Perhaps you could loan it to her er if she really needs them but make sure there is a proper payment plan for her

As for your example

It’s all about the amount involved

So your 6 year old received £100. I’d say £20 to blow, £80 to save. No discussion because we are talking about a 6 year old, and to them… £20 / £100…. Much of a muchness

Whereas 15? If we’re talking £2k for example (although frustrating as no mention of figures and pivots on that really),I’d say - you tell me a reasonable amount that you’d like to have to do whatever the hell you want with, but let’s talk about putting some of it aside for uni / car costs?

Should children of all ages have access to birthday money or just teenagers? Thoughts please.

Of course they should have access to it! It's their money to spend as they wish.

Most relatives give money so that the child can choose their own gifts, not so the parents can lock it away in a bank account for an indeterminate period of time

@ArthurTudor

I'm quite surprised by some of the responses. Yes, OP should have told her daughter the money is locked. But she isn't leaving her with no spends - she gets £50 pcm. I can see why she's annoyed but I think some of the posts are a bit ott.

Are the responses largely because she's 15 and can make reasonable decisions herself? Just reading some of the replies about how she should be able to buy what she wants with birthday/Christmas money and thinking about my own children. In particular my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

Tbh I'm not going to change my approach as I think the money at 18 will be better than extra toys she doesn't need now. But I am interested in opinions.

Should children of all ages have access to birthday money or just teenagers? Thoughts please.

I recently took my 8 year old to Smyths and let her have free rein in choosing whatever she wanted to with her Christmas money. I know that the people who gave her the money would want her to spend it on something she enjoyed. (MIL often says she wants us to buy something, not squirrel it away in our savings.)

However, this might be influenced by the fact me and DH are good at saving, and we can save for DD.

My kids savings is tied up until 18, to save them wasting it on expensive trainers etc!

She won’t get any better with money whilst you treat her like this.

You’ll just add some guilt and shame to the mix.

my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

I let mine spend their money. Imagine being the 6 year old getting money in a card and that's it. How disappointing that must feel to actually get nothing.

@Darbs76

My kids savings is tied up until 18, to save them wasting it on expensive trainers etc!

Let's hope they spend it all in the way you want them to...

@ArthurTudor

I'm quite surprised by some of the responses. Yes, OP should have told her daughter the money is locked. But she isn't leaving her with no spends - she gets £50 pcm. I can see why she's annoyed but I think some of the posts are a bit ott.

Are the responses largely because she's 15 and can make reasonable decisions herself? Just reading some of the replies about how she should be able to buy what she wants with birthday/Christmas money and thinking about my own children. In particular my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

Tbh I'm not going to change my approach as I think the money at 18 will be better than extra toys she doesn't need now. But I am interested in opinions.

Should children of all ages have access to birthday money or just teenagers? Thoughts please.

6 years old? That’s why you can get away with it but I think it’s complete joyless to be given a birthday card with a tenner in it and have it whisked away without having the experience of going to a shop and buying something with your own money.

Doing this has taught my kids the value of money as they know it doesn’t go far (especially when it’s your own)

@Darbs76

My kids savings is tied up until 18, to save them wasting it on expensive trainers etc!

And what's to stop them getting to 18 and blowing it anyway?

Yep. Her money, her choice.

Seriously I have no idea how much money my dcs have on their bank account/savings. They both handle that on their own and chose to save/spend.
It’s not up to me to decide what is or isn’t important to them.

The only time when I think you would have a point is if it was a big sum of money (several thousands) and even then blocking it all for the next 3 years would not have been my choice.

I take it you don't have a teenager

I had over £50 allowance as a 15 year old so lord knows what it should be now based on inflation.

Yes I do and £50 is a lot for just luxuries. Her allowance is literally for things like expensive trainers, make up etc.

If she wants more money she can also get a PT job.

Thank you to those who have responded to my question. Very interesting to see how different people approach money.

As I said I won't be changing my approach - she's got plenty of toys and there's just no need for more. Better to have a lum sum in the future for a car or something. That's just my opinion and approach as a parent, I'm not saying others are wrong for spending.

She did actually see the cash in her birthday card and said "that's for the bank", so I also disagree that controlling their money teaches them nothing. Obviously this is at the level of thinking of a six year old so it might not be a very full understanding yet.

Interesting debate.

@elelel

my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

I let mine spend their money. Imagine being the 6 year old getting money in a card and that's it. How disappointing that must feel to actually get nothing.

She already has so much though. She won't miss one extra gift

@Darbs76

My kids savings is tied up until 18, to save them wasting it on expensive trainers etc!

And as soon they ill turn 18yo they are likely to spend it on exactly that.

The whole point if having pocket money etc.. is to learn how to spend money. Not for it to be locked away.