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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be depressed that my children are unlikely to own a nice house?

188 replies

contributory · 13/01/2022 12:06

Both my kids did really well at school and have ended up on good salaries. But despite this, they will probably never own a nice house.

They are fortunate that they can afford to get on the property ladder, as a lot can't. But I can't help but feel depressed that they work so hard and such long hours, for a fairly modest life style.

If I compare against my parents (one of whom did the same job as dd), when they were in their late 20s they could afford to buy a nice detached house and send me and my siblings away to school. We always had good quality clothes, nice furnishings in the house, holidays abroad etc.

But now, my kids work longer hours, are (on paper) more successful than my parents or me (a teacher) but get so much less. Rather than a nice detached house in a good area, my kids are stuck in tiny one-two bed flats with enormous mortgages.

OP posts:
BlueSky8 · 13/01/2022 12:10

House prices are totally different now to back when your parents bought.
You don't stay in your first property forever.
Their on the ladder, got good jobs, roof over their heads. That's the main thing.
I can think of more things to be worried about tbh.

ThoseFestiveLights · 13/01/2022 12:12

I can’t buy a “nice house” and I’m nearly 50. YANBU.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 13/01/2022 12:15

Well educated 20 somethings with good careers being able to get on the property ladder and live fairly modest lifestyles? Not something I’d be crying about tbh. They’re doing a lot better than many (me included)

Do they have partners?

Sportslady44 · 13/01/2022 12:16

First World problems eh

Icenii · 13/01/2022 12:17

I guess it depends on many things. My older DSS has just bought a lovely house on the Welsh boarder and his younger brother is looking to move across the boarder to afford the type of house they would like. Both reasonable jobs.

bringiton2022 · 13/01/2022 12:21

Tbh teaching used to be an upper middle class job for women but unfortunately is now lower middle class, due to low pay not keeping up with cost of life

Only teachers I know with good lifestyles either have parental finance or a husband who works in IT, finance or consultancy. Male teachers also not well off; ones I know married to pharmacist & social worker are hard up (eg one U.K. camping hol a year, hope for parental handouts, remortgaging often)

Avoid teaching if want a good lifestyle basically

WaterJunkie · 13/01/2022 12:21

Sounds like they're in a good position now - and at only late 20s too. I'm sure they'll be able to move up the property ladder, if they so desired, over the coming years.

Mushrooms0up · 13/01/2022 12:23

Why are the above posters so negative?! It’s not a race as to who has it worse.

Why do we all just accept such a decline in living standards whilst billionaires get ever richer.

OP you are not unreasonable at all. It’s all driven by the stock market that all the money from companies goes to shareholders rather than being reinvested, and giant corporations hoovering up property as assets.

It’s a crime it’s been allowed to happen and the decline and gap between rich and poor is only getting worse. (And by rich I don’t mean doctors / accountants). The person down the road earning £50k - £100k is not the issue. I mean shareholders and large business owners.

WhiteXmas21 · 13/01/2022 12:23

Things change and your children are still young.
My parents built their first house in the 1950s. It was nice but not special and cheaper than their home area.
My Gran thought it was in the back of beyond as it was a ‘new’ suburb. For the last 30 odd years it’s been the go-to address in our city. ( sadly parents moved 🙄)
My point is, your children are on the ladder, which is a heck of a lot more hopeful than many.

user1497207191 · 13/01/2022 12:24

@bringiton2022

Tbh teaching used to be an upper middle class job for women but unfortunately is now lower middle class, due to low pay not keeping up with cost of life

Only teachers I know with good lifestyles either have parental finance or a husband who works in IT, finance or consultancy. Male teachers also not well off; ones I know married to pharmacist & social worker are hard up (eg one U.K. camping hol a year, hope for parental handouts, remortgaging often)

Avoid teaching if want a good lifestyle basically

Depends on location really. I live in a pretty cheap/run down area, and teachers etc are the ones living in the "nicer" areas, as they're earning more than the local average wage. But, yes, I can see that they'll struggle in the more affluent areas/cities where prices are higher.
Mouseonmychair · 13/01/2022 12:25

Welcome to equality and banks now lending on both incomes and looser credit. Also uncontrolled immigration with no consummate building of new housing.

user1497207191 · 13/01/2022 12:25

@Mushrooms0up

It’s all driven by the stock market that all the money from companies goes to shareholders rather than being reinvested,

But many of those "shareholders" will be pension funds for "normal" workers like teachers.

PetsL · 13/01/2022 12:25

Yabu. Life is different. The population of the UK has grown massively over the decades but unless all the countryside is paved over then people need to get used to living in flats.

I know my parents had it a lot easier too, but what's the solution? Limit child numbers and stop all immigration? Or build over the countryside?

the80sweregreat · 13/01/2022 12:25

Yep, I hear you op.

MargotEmin · 13/01/2022 12:26

Meh, I'm in your children's shoes.. As I see it I have a well paid job with purpose, own a modest but very stylish home, and I have my health. That's good enough for me.

I don't aspire to a big detached house, Laura Ashley curtains and an Audi in the drive. That's not who I am. Holidays? Yes. Suburbia? No.

flyhighdarling · 13/01/2022 12:27

Agree @Mushrooms0up makes me sick now living standards have plummeted since the 1980s

Globalisation only made a few global CEOs richer and everyone else much poorer

Roosk · 13/01/2022 12:27

Don’t assume your criteria for ‘success’ is theirs. In my late 20s I was a postgraduate student, living on fresh air and small change, in a flat so cold I used to take baths wearing a jumper. My parents, despite being poor themselves, thought it was terrible I wasn’t married with a ‘nice house’. I was having the time of my life.

elelel · 13/01/2022 12:30

YABU to suggest this is a reason for depression.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 13/01/2022 12:31

OK I do hear you, it's hard for a lot of young people now.

But a nice house isn't the measure of a life. How are they doing in other ways? Are they fulfilled? Do they have good friends, interesting lives? Are they invested in their careers, friendship groups, communities?

SandysMam · 13/01/2022 12:32

I think your children sound like they have done well for themselves (in these times) and I hope you don’t show your disappointment. My MIL can’t hide her dissatisfaction in our small house and the fact I have to go to work to be able to pay for it. It wasn’t like that in her day…Wink

Peas252 · 13/01/2022 12:32

@contributory

Both my kids did really well at school and have ended up on good salaries. But despite this, they will probably never own a nice house.

They are fortunate that they can afford to get on the property ladder, as a lot can't. But I can't help but feel depressed that they work so hard and such long hours, for a fairly modest life style.

If I compare against my parents (one of whom did the same job as dd), when they were in their late 20s they could afford to buy a nice detached house and send me and my siblings away to school. We always had good quality clothes, nice furnishings in the house, holidays abroad etc.

But now, my kids work longer hours, are (on paper) more successful than my parents or me (a teacher) but get so much less. Rather than a nice detached house in a good area, my kids are stuck in tiny one-two bed flats with enormous mortgages.

I couldn't possibly comment until Sue Gray has concluded her report.
HangOnToYourself · 13/01/2022 12:32

Is that their priority or yours though? Generally if a person with a good job and who is able to get on to the property ladder is willing to compromise on location to a less affluent area they can afford a larger detached house (I live in a lovely detached home which was 163k in the north). WFH has increased giving people better options in this sense as commute isnt as much of a factor.
Are your children prioritizing location, nice holidays, lots of social activity over a nice house? If so that is their choice and maybe one day their attitude will change and they will want a nicer home and be willing to compromise on something

PinkSyCo · 13/01/2022 12:35

Boo hoo.

minipie · 13/01/2022 12:38

Yes, there have been a lot of structural factors over the past few decades that have made house prices rise wildly compared with wages.

Impossible to point at just one cause like CEO pay, or immigration, it’s many different causes all put together. For example there’s also the fact that gains on your house are untaxed, the fact women mostly work now rather than being SAHMs, the fact many older people don’t want or need to downsize, and low interest rates. Some of these factors could be changed, others would be much harder or undesirable to change.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 13/01/2022 12:39

Do you have a nice house OP, if so sell yours and give them some of your equity towards moving up the housing ladder?