To be depressed that my children are unlikely to own a nice house?

[contributory]

Both my kids did really well at school and have ended up on good salaries. But despite this, they will probably never own a nice house.

They are fortunate that they can afford to get on the property ladder, as a lot can't. But I can't help but feel depressed that they work so hard and such long hours, for a fairly modest life style.

If I compare against my parents (one of whom did the same job as dd), when they were in their late 20s they could afford to buy a nice detached house and send me and my siblings away to school. We always had good quality clothes, nice furnishings in the house, holidays abroad etc.

But now, my kids work longer hours, are (on paper) more successful than my parents or me (a teacher) but get so much less. Rather than a nice detached house in a good area, my kids are stuck in tiny one-two bed flats with enormous mortgages.

@bringiton2022

“Tbh teaching used to be an upper middle class job for women but unfortunately is now lower middle class, due to low pay not keeping up with cost of life

Only teachers I know with good lifestyles either have parental finance or a husband who works in IT, finance or consultancy. Male teachers also not well off; ones I know married to pharmacist & social worker are hard up (eg one U.K. camping hol a year, hope for parental handouts, remortgaging often)

Avoid teaching if want a good lifestyle basically”

I have to say I disagree, if you’re in a cheaper area. I’m in the midlands in a very “naice” little town that people think is idyllic. I’m a lone parent and I bought a 3 bed house on my own with a large garden. Me and my new partner will buy together at some point and between us can easily afford a big detached house (circa 350k) as we’re mid 30s, have both got homes with some equity in and decent salaries.

I know teachers here pretty much all buy houses even on the lowest points on the pay scale as there’s lots of larger affordable housing in surrounding towns if they don’t want a smaller 2 bed here.

But now, my kids work longer hours, are (on paper) more successful than my parents or me (a teacher) but get so much less. Rather than a nice detached house in a good area, my kids are stuck in tiny one-two bed flats with enormous mortgages

Dh and I were in this exact position when we first bought in 2008. I'd hate for anyone to feel sorry for us!

Our two bed flat was great (we stayed a decade and had kids there), we were on low salaries, but genuinely counted ourselves truly blessed for being able to get a mortgage and finance our lives with work we enjoyed.

I don't envy those with a big detached house. It's nice for them, sure, but it doesn't detract from my own joy.

I think the price of housing is behind so many of the corrosive problems facing our society. As recently as 30 years ago if you started out working as say a teacher you would have a reasonable chance of buying a house in a decent area, but now it is out of the question. And so where is the motivation for those young people to be teachers, when those careers can’t give them a lifestyle they want? House prices really, really matter.

And for those wondering why people want to own their own home, check out the thread from the person who is a landlord but wants to sell and is worried about the tenant. Rent and you may need to pack up and move your kids out of school every 6 months, so people don’t have kids until they have bought, so the birth rate drops, which is had done dramatically in the last three years alone.

Unfortunately I've come to the conclusion that unless my kids find a permanent partner or spouse they will not be able to buy a property. Trying to buy anything on a single salary unless you are extremely well off is pretty much impossible. I used to work full time, now work part-time since kids. If DH and I tried to get a mortgage now it would be for massively less than the one we are paying.

@YourenutsmiLord

If I compare against my parents (one of whom did the same job as dd), when they were in their late 20s they could afford to buy a nice detached house and send me and my siblings away to school.

I don't know how old your parents are but they seem to have been extremely privileged, I can only imagine they were solicitors or something - also that they (unlike the Vast majority) went to university.
I think it's a bit more that your DPs were from rich families and got degrees (unusual) and well paid jobs (limited then ime).
So DPs seem exceptional.

And the other change is that there are loads of people with degrees competing for jobs. So your DCs are some of very many.

Rent and you may need to pack up and move your kids out of school

Yes, we really really need reforms of tenancy rights in this country. Long leases for example.

@SandysMam

I think your children sound like they have done well for themselves (in these times) and I hope you don’t show your disappointment. My MIL can’t hide her dissatisfaction in our small house and the fact I have to go to work to be able to pay for it. It wasn’t like that in her day…

My mum and my in-laws are the same. They are all disappointed we haven't done better for ourselves even though we own a perfectly fine house and have stable jobs.

I know what you mean OP, but I think most people compare themselves to their peers rather than their grandparents, so maybe it doesn’t bother them too much. It sounds like they’re doing well generally, size of house isn't the most important way to measure success and happiness.

Not everybody aims for a nice detached house in the suburbs! Sounds like you’re more depressed about the situation than they are.

At least the have the opportunity to sell/move in the future, they are already on the ladder and can move up it!
my family literally at risk of being homeless because my landlords are now selling the property, I have been here before and I can tell you it’s extremely depressing and stressful, I don’t want to end up in some dirty run down down emergency council housing again, my husband has cancer and I have two disabled children. Count your blessings!

They are doing better than I was able to do at their age. I wasn’t in a position to buy my first house until I was 40.

I'm 36, on an okay salary (it's a bit above national average) and I can't afford to buy a home at all. I live in Bristol and I'm single - I couldn't even afford a mortgage on a bedsit flat! Renting a two-box-room maisonette is a stretch for a single person's salary.

Unless my dad dies anytime soon and leaves me half the value of his house, no chance for me.

Why should your parents downsize ? If they can afford their house then thats up to them surely
Older people downsizing really isn't the big issue at all as many do downsize anyway and loads of larger homes have beeb built
Also your children will likely benefit in years to come from your parents property

It is a shame, the whole housing system in the UK is in a total mess.

Hard working people pay huge sums of rent and get slung out by landlords when they want to sell up or move their children in.

Whether they are happy or not is what is most important I guess. They're on the ladder at least.

My children have much bigger and nicer houses than me. They both earn far more than I could could dream of earning.

Unfortunately I've come to the conclusion that unless my kids find a permanent partner or spouse they will not be able to buy a property.

My parents, who would be in their early 80’s now if still alive wouldn’t have been able to afford to buy their house singularly either. This is hardly a new phenomenon, not amongst the working class anyway.

I think people also forget that actually home ownership wasn't a big thing in day the 50/60's
More social housing would help or rent at those prices as you have a bit more security in being able to say although my ha no longer do lifetime tenancies
But i pay £250 under prob market value rent which helps
And our ha keeps homes in good state of repair

God forbid they could be living on one of those awful council estates, or even living with you OP!

I think your use of the word 'depressed' is unfortunate, and perhaps explains some of the more negative/race-to-the-bottom responses you've got. I'm also inferring that you're disappointed for your children, rather than in them, which some people don't seem to be.

Is it rubbish for the younger generation that house prices have so outstripped average salaries? Of course it is. The average salary where we live is about £26k. The average house price in our town (which has inflated prices due to second homes and student lets) is over £300k. That's clearly a problem.

My parents both worked hard in fairly ordinary jobs (graphic design and nursing). They were able to retire in their mid-50s. They live in a lovely old farmhouse, with land. They're not lavish, by any means, but they were able to fund a comfortable lifestyle.

DH and I both work hard - he's relatively a higher earner than either of them were. We have nothing to complain about, but we won't be retiring in our 50s, and barring an early inheritance (which we obviously would not want at all), we will never live in houses like our parents live in. It's hard to see what choices my (now teenage) children could make that would enable them to afford a house like the one we currently live in if the gulf between house prices and earnings remains. I don't see how anyone can think that's a good thing.

Well they have small homes of their own. Your parents have as nice house, do you also have a house. They are potentially likely to inherit as well. Why so depressed they are more fortunate than most. Owning your own property is lovely but not the be all and end all that people often think it is.

What time period are you talking about when your parents bought a house? And what about you, OP? Did you buy a house when you were in your 20s? If so, what time period was that?

YABU. You clearly have cash savings or equity to give, lend or both for their deposits.

They can save into the ISA for FTB, get 20pc cash on top or whatever it is.

Your kids will be just fine.

YANBU OP, but without reading the full thread I predict you'll get plenty of I'm-alright-Jacqui types in their expensive posh houses that were originally bought for a (comparative) song pretending all things are equal and you are BU and young hard working people should think themselves fucking lucky to have a decent coat, never mind a nice house 🙄

Maudmadrigal, of the people in their twenties in my extended family and DH's extended family, (7), all but one have their own homes. None have received 'handouts' from family, a couple have lived at home for a year or two after leaving uni while saving hard. My own two nephews both already earn far more than I could ever hope to earn. They have many more opportunities open to them than I could have ever dreamt of.

We're not wealthy, middle class stock by any stretch of the imagination.

In the area we live in we're surrounded by young families - I doubt they're all renting.

I think young people in SE England may have a problem buying property but there are plenty of opportunities elsewhere, and I do think the situation can become a self fulfilling prophecy - young people expect not to be able to buy property, even though in many cases it would be possible.

@Mushrooms0up

Why are the above posters so negative?! It’s not a race as to who has it worse.

Why do we all just accept such a decline in living standards whilst billionaires get ever richer.

OP you are not unreasonable at all. It’s all driven by the stock market that all the money from companies goes to shareholders rather than being reinvested, and giant corporations hoovering up property as assets.

It’s a crime it’s been allowed to happen and the decline and gap between rich and poor is only getting worse. (And by rich I don’t mean doctors / accountants). The person down the road earning £50k - £100k is not the issue. I mean shareholders and large business owners.

Agree. In 1960 my grandparents brought a house that is now about £300k above what I can afford on one wage (and that one wage was as a shop assistant!) Equally, in around 1980 my parents brought a house that’s around £200k over my budget on one wage (my Dad did a professional job, but this allowed them to overpay the mortgage and it was paid off within 15 years).

Here in 2021 husband and I both brought as pretty well paid professionals and could really only afford the bottom of the ladder in houses without family support or mortgaging ourselves to the point where I would never have been able to go part time once the children came along. And it’s a 35yr mortgage! It’s bananas.