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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be depressed that my children are unlikely to own a nice house?

188 replies

contributory · 13/01/2022 12:06

Both my kids did really well at school and have ended up on good salaries. But despite this, they will probably never own a nice house.

They are fortunate that they can afford to get on the property ladder, as a lot can't. But I can't help but feel depressed that they work so hard and such long hours, for a fairly modest life style.

If I compare against my parents (one of whom did the same job as dd), when they were in their late 20s they could afford to buy a nice detached house and send me and my siblings away to school. We always had good quality clothes, nice furnishings in the house, holidays abroad etc.

But now, my kids work longer hours, are (on paper) more successful than my parents or me (a teacher) but get so much less. Rather than a nice detached house in a good area, my kids are stuck in tiny one-two bed flats with enormous mortgages.

OP posts:
jgw1 · 13/01/2022 17:36

@contributory

Both my kids did really well at school and have ended up on good salaries. But despite this, they will probably never own a nice house.

They are fortunate that they can afford to get on the property ladder, as a lot can't. But I can't help but feel depressed that they work so hard and such long hours, for a fairly modest life style.

If I compare against my parents (one of whom did the same job as dd), when they were in their late 20s they could afford to buy a nice detached house and send me and my siblings away to school. We always had good quality clothes, nice furnishings in the house, holidays abroad etc.

But now, my kids work longer hours, are (on paper) more successful than my parents or me (a teacher) but get so much less. Rather than a nice detached house in a good area, my kids are stuck in tiny one-two bed flats with enormous mortgages.

The cost of housing is so high the Prime Minister can't even afford some wallpaper for the flat he is living in for the short time he is in office.
Greenblue12 · 13/01/2022 17:42

@Onionpatch this is the exact problem. All of the concerns you raise relate to the property being a bad investment.

Rather than seeing the property as a manageable way to ease into and enjoy final years of life without loads of life admin that come with a large property. In so many cases the large property then becomes unmanageable then there’s all the rush and hurdles to go through with social services to find care.

Some of the flats in my home area are in lovely locations too. But I’m sure the prices of them will be extremely high by the time I need one, as people who want to see them as an investment find their way around service charge, equity release issues etc.

Onionpatch · 13/01/2022 17:49

@Greenblue12 - i wasnt viewing it as an investment. But people put being able to afford care as the main advantage and im saying that there isnt as much money left as you think to buy care. My mum moved to one and is struggling with the service charge which is now £300 a month. It is easier to manage which is why she moved.

Onionpatch · 13/01/2022 17:53

And there is plenty of admin - the internal of the flat is still hers to manage and there is a management company to deal with if you need repairs to the outside and it can be a total headache getting them to do things needed.

grey12 · 13/01/2022 17:56

@Sportslady44

First World problems eh
World problems actually Hmm people with good jobs not being able to buy a house is a problem. I myself am living with my inlaws! And 3 kids..... and DH working abroad to try to earn more money for a deposit....

All this situation is going to have serious consequences....

AwayW0rldExit4 · 13/01/2022 18:07

Nobody has a crystal ball to predict the future

Who knows where we will be in 5, 10, 15, 20+ years time

I would not have predicted my own circumstances

Some people don't want a "nice house", they want an alternative lifestyle of renting & moving around. Or I know some people who spend half a year in one country & half a year in another country.

Greenblue12 · 13/01/2022 18:19

@Onionpatch I do think the property management companies that set these fees need to look at themselves and what they’re providing for this money as it seems crooked.

But £300 per month after paying below market rate to gain access to the property is still prob a lot lower than renting something comparable at market rate.

A flat must be easier to maintain than even an average size house in terms of life admin as well. There’s also ways going to be some level of this anywhere.

Monkeymilkshake · 13/01/2022 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RachelGreep87 · 13/01/2022 19:33

@onedayoranother

Yea but back in the day we didn't have expenses like mobile phones, pay for TV like Sky, broadband and eating out was a once in a blue moon treat. Takeaway coffee was unheard of. Several of my friends and family didn't have central heating and Christmas was one main and a couple small gifts. And we were upper middle class. So yes nice house (in Chelsea!!!!) but other than that was our 'lifestyle' better? We had one car and walked mostly. Holidays were to relatives or self catering by the sea. I'm pretty sure your grown kids have phones and computers and at least one TV, kindles and iPods etc. washing machine and dishwasher maybe? Go out at least once a week? Holiday abroad? My parents bought for the first time in their mid 30s, yes a nice house but two incomes and a mortgage even then (60s). And without the above mentioned luxuries.
Sorry but nobody under the age of 40 has Sky
Porcupineintherough · 13/01/2022 21:19

The OP isnt worrying about her children being able to by a house @grey12, she's upset they cant afford a nice, detached one in their 20s. Plenty of problems with the housing market, but this isnt one of them.

tillyandmilly · 13/01/2022 21:22

I wish I could afford a house ! I live in a flat and I am married and 54!

grey12 · 13/01/2022 21:56

@Porcupineintherough

The OP isnt worrying about her children being able to by a house *@grey12*, she's upset they cant afford a nice, detached one in their 20s. Plenty of problems with the housing market, but this isnt one of them.
But I do see it as a problem! If people with good jobs can't afford good houses, they will take the less than great houses that the others need. Everyone loses. The poor, the not so poor and the okayish (where OPs children kind of fall). The whole system is broken and will only lead to extra family disagreements and issues.... Sad I wonder how much of current mental health problems come from this alone. I know my PPD did!
grey12 · 13/01/2022 21:58

@Porcupineintherough We could
easily afford a small 1 or 1
and an "office" bedroom flat. But what good is that with 2 or 3 kids???!!!! Hmm

VestaTilley · 13/01/2022 22:11

Yabu. How old are they?

If they move to slightly cheaper areas, build up equity in their flats and/or get partners who earn similar salaries they’ll definitely be able to trade up.

Will they be able to buy in Knightsbridge? No, but nowadays only Russian and Arab billionaires can. But will they be able to buy a detached or semi in less fashionable bits of the south east? Yes, absolutely.

DroopyClematis · 13/01/2022 22:18

It's really difficult to see your offspring struggling when they are working so hard and in great jobs but can't afford to buy.

Though I've been on a thread today where a 22 year old can't understand why her mates can't afford to buy a home like she has .. in Wales.

Made my blood boil.

Swonderful · 13/01/2022 22:31

@Mushrooms0up

Why are the above posters so negative?! It’s not a race as to who has it worse.

Why do we all just accept such a decline in living standards whilst billionaires get ever richer.

OP you are not unreasonable at all. It’s all driven by the stock market that all the money from companies goes to shareholders rather than being reinvested, and giant corporations hoovering up property as assets.

It’s a crime it’s been allowed to happen and the decline and gap between rich and poor is only getting worse. (And by rich I don’t mean doctors / accountants). The person down the road earning £50k - £100k is not the issue. I mean shareholders and large business owners.

The shareholders are all of us with pensions, so not the mega rich but ordinary people.
Crowdfundingforcake · 13/01/2022 22:34

Grey12, I'm guessing op's kids are in their twenties - starter home territory, not 4 bed detached family home territory. When we were selling our last place the estate agent we used suggested our 3 bed townhouse was just the thing for a first time buyer. I suggested maybe first time buyers would be looking for a 1/2 bed flat but EA said they were usually looking for minimum 3 bed new builds.

Where we are, you can buy a nice 2 bed flat with modern kitchen and bathroom for £75k, but first time buyers don't want them, so they are bought by BTL landlords.

Roominmyhouse · 13/01/2022 22:38

Oh are only detached houses nice then? I didn’t realise. I have a lovely two bedroom end of terrace, I didn’t realise it wasn’t nice as it’s not big or detached! Silly me.

Not everyone’s goal in life is to have a huge detached house. If your children have flats now, they probably won’t live in them forever but if they do that’s up to them!

RobertaFirmino · 13/01/2022 22:44

Why is a 'nice house' in a 'good area' the be all and end all? I can think of plenty of things which are far more important.

Will your DC have enough food on the table?
Will they have somewhere to live which is affordable, secure and warm?
Will they have the privilege of good health (mental and physical)?
Will they have a loving, supportive partner (assuming they want one, of course)?
Will they be able to spend time doing things they enjoy?
Will they have enough money to make ends meet?

No house in the world can compensate for these things.

wishingitwasspring · 13/01/2022 22:59

What makes you think it's ever been different.

I married early 80s. I was a registered health professional, DH a qualified tradesperson. He worked ft, often 6days to manage to pay the mortgage. I worked night shifts with no childcare (free childcare hadn't been invented, I just stayed awake). We had no spare money. I recall my parents were no different.

40 years on we've done the hard bit and live a frugal retirement.

It's about expectations IMO.

wishingitwasspring · 13/01/2022 23:03

And moving to a 'nice house' nicer than our bog standard pre war semi never crossed our minds. It was just normal for us

Mountaingoat12 · 14/01/2022 01:59

I have sent how much harder it has got in the 20 years I have been working.

Bought our first place with my husband a few years out of uni in 2003 a 2 bed flat for £150k, (deposit was £10k). Both had graduate trainee jobs paying roughly £20k each. The same flat sold in May 2021 for £435k. The graduate jobs would now pay £25k and £30k. The price of the flat has gone up nearly three fold. The salaries have risen 50%, moving an ok flat wholly out of reach of two hardworking graduates with no parental help.

If young people study hard for many years at school and uni to get good jobs only to find rewards for that hard work have been moved out of reach, they are going to wonder whether all of that work was worth it. It is not a fair way to run a society.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 14/01/2022 02:50

Anyone can get a nice house if they are prepared to work for it. I saved and scraped to buy my first house, did it up and sold it, then did the same again. I've had 4 friends that bought a house together and did the same, now they all have 3 or 4 houses each they rent out. None of us had any money from our parents or high paying jobs. We did it all ourselves. Anything is possible, you just need to work for it and if that means sacraficing things like nights out or holidays then thats what you have to do.

ufucoffee · 14/01/2022 06:10

@Mountaingoat12

I have sent how much harder it has got in the 20 years I have been working.

Bought our first place with my husband a few years out of uni in 2003 a 2 bed flat for £150k, (deposit was £10k). Both had graduate trainee jobs paying roughly £20k each. The same flat sold in May 2021 for £435k. The graduate jobs would now pay £25k and £30k. The price of the flat has gone up nearly three fold. The salaries have risen 50%, moving an ok flat wholly out of reach of two hardworking graduates with no parental help.

If young people study hard for many years at school and uni to get good jobs only to find rewards for that hard work have been moved out of reach, they are going to wonder whether all of that work was worth it. It is not a fair way to run a society.

Yes, that flat would be but those young people would buy somewhere where housing is cheaper now. They can still buy a property.
MrPickles73 · 14/01/2022 06:22

Move out of the SE to a cheaper area?

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