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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

665 replies

546321yeah · 12/01/2022 20:40

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/01/2022 20:56

@OddBoots

It's a judgement, as it would be to call someone an old mum, so for that reason I'd not use the term.
Nope. Old is more frequently pejorative. See also: fat/thin, tall/short and rich/poor.

Young mum is a statement. Not a judgement.

puffyisgood · 12/01/2022 20:57

it is objectively young. not gymslip, not by any means freakishly young, but young.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 12/01/2022 20:58

My niece has just announced her pregnancy at age 20. She is young and is a young mum. I think probably 23 and under feels young to me.

I was still at uni at 20/21 so not at a stage in life to have a baby.

Blossom64265 · 12/01/2022 20:58

If you aren’t of typical age to have finished university before becoming pregnant, you are a young mum.

MaryShelley1818 · 12/01/2022 20:58

21 is a very young mum. Would be unheard of in my friends group as at that age, people are still studying/just qualifying and getting ready to start careers/start travelling. Most people probably haven't got married yet or bought their first homes so definitely not in the position to have babies yet.

Thatsplentyjack · 12/01/2022 20:58

Well I was 18 when I had my first and 23 when I had my second. I feel like I was a very young mum. I'm 32 soon and had my third at the beginning of last year. That just reinforced how young I actually was when I had my first and second.
Yes, you were a young mum and getting on with your life doesn't change that.

tricksyt · 12/01/2022 20:58

I'd say under 23-25 is a young mum.

ana1s · 12/01/2022 20:59

It’s a young mum to me - most people are still at uni.

CockSpadget · 12/01/2022 20:59

@OddBoots

It's a judgement, as it would be to call someone an old mum, so for that reason I'd not use the term.
Why is it a judgement? It's just a factual statement. If your 21, are you not young?
Gymrats · 12/01/2022 21:00

Depends on area and class.

In my area and my “class” 21 wasn’t a young mum, a teen mum was.

Now I’m older myself and moved into a different area 21 would be a young mum here as people in this area don’t start to have children until their 30s.

CockSpadget · 12/01/2022 21:00

*You're

user5656555 · 12/01/2022 21:01

I was around that age and it is absolutely a young mum, it's one grade up from teen mum! I knew that at the time and I know it now as a grown up Grin

JackTheHack · 12/01/2022 21:01

YABU
You are a young mum beause you are 21. In 15 years time you will look back and realise you were a young um, there's nothing wrong with that
If you were 15 or 16 you would be a teenage mum

Georgeskitchen · 12/01/2022 21:01

It's quite young by today's standards. A couple of generations ago it would be the norm

OddBoots · 12/01/2022 21:01

I mean a judgement in terms of it not being an objective fact, if we asked at what age you stopped being young you would get a range of answers in the same way if you asked what age you become old you would get a range.

Young can also be pejorative and used with mother that is more likely than when it is used in other contexts, people use it to imply a lack of maturity and experience and that's not exactly done as a positive.

Greenfields124 · 12/01/2022 21:01

Yes I think 21 is a young Mum, I was pregnant with my second at your age.
You might think differently when you get older.

user5656555 · 12/01/2022 21:01

But don't call anyone an old mum of course Grin

Rubyglitter · 12/01/2022 21:02

Early 20s and mid 20s are young mums. Teens are teen mums. Your brain hasn’t fully developed yet. I say this as someone who is in her mid 20s and I look back at 21 year olds and most are really really immature and don’t realise it.

MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 12/01/2022 21:02

I had my DD at 20 and I definitely class myself as a young mum.

LuckyMeISeeGhosts · 12/01/2022 21:02

It's very young

changingstages · 12/01/2022 21:02

It is young... but I don't think that's a bad thing. I was 31 when I had my DD and now she is 11 I am bloody knackered all the time! Wish I had started a little younger...

Evangelo · 12/01/2022 21:03

Of course 21 is a young mum. 13 to19 would be teenage mum.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 12/01/2022 21:03

Of course it's a young mum! Duh, your brain isn't even fully cooked until 25.

SmithofSilver · 12/01/2022 21:03

I had my first at 21 almost 15 years ago now. I think it made me a young mum. I'm certainly younger than all of my almost 15yo mums. His best friends Mum is what I would consider an older mum, she is 56 which is almost my mums age. There is nothing wrong with being either Smile

PurpleRainlnTheSky · 12/01/2022 21:04

Of course it's young, but it's OK. Better than having one at 45!

That said, I would not have wanted either of mine having one at 21.