To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

[546321yeah]

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

I agree 21 isn't particularly young.

I was 21 with my first. I got called a young mum. I don't necessarily think people meant it negatively. However calling someone an old mum seems incredibly rude.

I had already bought a property/worked abroad and travelled. I didn't miss out on anything.

he said that 100 years ago 20 would have been considered an older mum so to bear that in mind!!

1000 years ago - maybe. 100 years ago - no, it wouldn't.

@Gymrats

I just don’t see how people can have kids in their late 30s-40s, see you not really really tired?

I’m mid thirties now and don’t want a 3rd child based on the fact that I don’t want to start all over again, I don’t think I could hack it nowadays!

I'm with you there. I had my oldest at 21. Granted she's autistic and allergic to sleep but in my late 30s/40s? I have no idea how I would survive.

I can barely hack it now at 28.

I was 22. I was a young mum. I know I wasn't a young mum.

That isnt bad. But it is young. I will be 42 when my last child turns 18. That is young.

I was the only one of my friends to have a baby before my early 30s.

I am now considered the wise one to call when they’ve had another sleepless night and need suggestions But they sure as shit thought I was a dickhead for having a baby at that age.

They all had stable upbringings, I didn’t.

They all went to Uni, however they went there to party, didn’t study and all but one got a 3:3.

I didn’t go at that age but I’m at Uni now and coasting to a 1:1 in STEM.

Swings and roundabouts, innit,

I had my first child in the 1970s when I was 21, very usual for that era. My friend had her first around the same time at the age of 27, she was referred to as an older first-time mum.

Definitely young these days,I had dds at 29 and almost 36 and at 29 was classed as a geriatric mum.
30 years ago my mum was a gran at 36 though.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?
I agree with you but on MN it appears that everyones kids want to go to uni, travel, have a fabulous career and then start worrying about fertility when they are 46 or something!! 🤣

21 is definitely young to have a baby
It seriously isnt! 14 and 15 is. I have to support a lot of young girls having babies and that is far to young.
I also know so many women who had children who at 19 and 20 and have made a fabulous success of their lives. Each to their own and all that.

Are you seeing the comments as some kind of judgment?
I think you're overthinking tbh.
21 is obviously young, but that doesn't mean it's bad.

It’s ridiculous classing 21 as young Mum.

In 1938 the mean age of ftm was 25.9 & the youngest was 23.7 in the late 60s so 21 is young imo

I would say 21 is a young mum, I think of 14/15/1) etc as a Teen mum.

Where I live most mums giving birth are late 30s so it would be seen as very young to give birth at 20

@MaryShelley1818

21 is a very young mum. Would be unheard of in my friends group as at that age, people are still studying/just qualifying and getting ready to start careers/start travelling. Most people probably haven't got married yet or bought their first homes so definitely not in the position to have babies yet.

You don't need to be married or have a mortgage to have kids.

I had DS1 at 21. We were renting and not married. I'd been working full time for 6 years.

I was 24, and people called me a young mum! I just ignored them.

My mother had two under two by 25!!

It's just it's become the norm now for women to push childbearing till their early 30's, which is fine up to them.

I'm glad I had it done in my 20's I can't think how tired o would feel now at 32 having a newborn 😳 and also my body definitely wouldn't respond the same way now as it did then.

Nothing wrong with being a young mum at 20 - its all relative.

I am mid 40's and the thought of having a child now terrifies me as I am "too old to be a mum to a newborn" but another person could be the same age as me and be fab - but that's because I had mine younger and am done :D I am free - I can leave the kids at home for a week or so and be very confident that they would survive :D

It is young, because it's younger than average and in some areas would be considered very young. I was 27 when I had my first which makes me younger than many, it's not an insult though

@doadeer

I would say 21 is a young mum, I think of 14/15/1) etc as a Teen mum.

Where I live most mums giving birth are late 30s so it would be seen as very young to give birth at 20

To say... Young mum isn't negative. I get told I'm a young mum where I live. I take as a compliment 🤣

You feel like you have got on with your life the same as you would have without having a child. But that's simply not true. Your life and your life experiences are necessarily different to the way they would have been had you not had a child. Do you think you are mourning that in some way? If not, why do you care so much about labels? Most people, as you can see from the comments, don't think 21 is anything other than a young mum. I know that some people are really into the whole, being judged etc etc and I don't get it. Why look to be offended?

It's all relative. In certain middle class circles of the UK it would be considered young. I think it's a perfectly decent age to have a child.

You are a young mum. Many women these days have their first baby when they're in their 30s.

I was 22 and almost 25 when I had mine - they're 40 and 37 now

Really young.

But I thought I was young well into my 30's.

I was both shocked and privately outraged when my consultant called my pregnancy a "geriatric" one!

Now well into my 50's, I do feel a bit geriatric.

21 is young, my girls are are at university, dependant financially on me

Of course it's young; even you write you 'fell pregnant' at 20 making it sound unplanned ... because you were so young!

Many are still at university/apprenticeships at that age or finding their feet with entry level careers...

As far as it not being pejorative - it often is, actually. Not in quite the direct way people sometimes feel with being called an old mum - in that case it's because our society sees calling women old as rude.

But there can often be implications that women who have children in their early 20s must be feckless, irresponsible, that they are wasting their youth, that they must not have anything better, like a career or travel, to do, etc. Sometimes there are suggestions that it's low class to have children younger, and not in a nice, observational way.

To say... Young mum isn't negative. I get told I'm a young mum where I live. I take as a compliment

But as you can see from this thread, whilst I don't deny its accuracy, it's often sneered at, how many posts here have snide opinions and ill informed judgements alongside their so called factual stipulation. Hence why some younger mums can feel a bit defensive. I'm sure older mums would if it was pointed out to them they are "old mums".