To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

[546321yeah]

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

I had my first at age 30. Looking back I wish I'd waited another couple of years
I had my first at 30 as well,
I wish I had him years earlier as DH wanted.

@Emerald5hamrock

You are missing the simple fact that at 38 you have vastly more life and dating experience that allows you to notice red flags and weed out the bad ones much sooner. You would think so however many women in their late 30's end up in selfish relationships once the baby arrives, some settle with men they wouldn't look at 10 years ago. That's a man issue across the board not an age issue. Many young mothers are with their childhood sweetheart.

Most of the 20 something mums I know met their DP/DH at uni and spent 6 or 7 years working and enjoying holidays etc before having a baby in their late 20s. From the way you read about it on here you would think a 28 year old mum is fresh out of sixth form, not 10 years into working and adult life 😂

The older mums I know aren’t more likely to be in happier relationships - some are, but I also know some who tolerated a lot of shit because they felt their partner was their ‘last chance’ at settling down so didn’t want to split.

As long as you are a good mum that is what matters.

I am an old mum had my little boy 4 years ago when I was 37, classed as geriatric!

@CrimbleCrumble1

I often think the people who meet their partner in their teens or early 20’s are lucky, dating eejits and arseholes in your 20’s and 30’s isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Dating in your 30s and even with one child is not easy at all. Much more opportunity in your early 20s.

Horses for courses.

21 is young full stop. You are still a young adult, and a young mum. That's not to say it's an inappropriate age to have kids, but it is younger than the average age to have a first child in the UK.

When I had DD1 at 29 that felt quite on the young side. I was the first of my friends from the same school year and anyone else I knew of having babies was in their 30s. The two other women in my (very small) NCT class were both ten years older than me having their first.

Yes most of women I know who had a baby in their late 20s happened to meet their husband at uni so had enjoyed a good decade together beforehand. Seems perfect to me- old enough to have lived a life beforehand but young enough to be in your 30s when they start school and all the baby/toddler stuff is behind you. I think a factor is a lot of us aren’t lucky enough to meet our future spouse at university so don’t always have that option.

You are missing the simple fact that at 38 you have vastly more life and dating experience that allows you to notice red flags and weed out the bad ones much sooner.

No, sorry, I'm not missing anything I just don't agree with you. I don't think that a 38yo(speaking as a 35yo now) has the magical ability to properly get to know someone better in 9months/a year than I did in the five years I was with dh(3 of them living together) before I was pregnant at 21.

At 20 you will probably get stuck with the first person you date. You have no term for comparison, you don't have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship looks like and your brain still functions at the impulsive risk taking teenage level.

My parents who have been married for almost 40 years and extended family modeled healthy relationships, just because you are 20 it doesn't mean you walk around with your eyes shut and are unable to tell if someone makes you happy and meets your requirements.

I would argue that after being with dh for 5 years and going through life's ups and downs with him for that time meant I had far more knowledge about whether he was a suitable fit for me than a 38yo that has known someone for 9 months. Obviously though you disagree as is your right.

@Emerald5hamrock

You are missing the simple fact that at 38 you have vastly more life and dating experience that allows you to notice red flags and weed out the bad ones much sooner. You would think so however many women in their late 30's end up in selfish relationships once the baby arrives, some settle with men they wouldn't look at 10 years ago. That's a man issue across the board not an age issue. Many young mothers are with their childhood sweetheart.

Most of the young mums I know had their babies with a one night stand from a bar or club and didn’t plan the child at all. While the older mums are all of them, except one who is engaged, married with men who are amazing. So it depends on your circle. The fact that the NHS and social services refers to mums under 21 (and their children) as vulnerable suggests there are very good reasons for that.

The NHS and SS do not refer to mothers under 21 and their children as vulnerable, unless they are vulnerable.
However, the NHS and SS do refer to mothers over 21 and their children as vulnerable, if they are vulnerable.

@Ozanj I very much doubt that. I wasn't classed as vunreable. I was pregnant at 20 and gave birth at 21.

@Ozanj you need to broaden your horizon in life. Lots of people have a one night stand and end up in a loving relationship.

Did you miss all the affair threads? You know those that are married with children.... also with high flying jobs!

What circle are you in

Most of the young mums I know had their babies with a one night stand from a bar or club and didn’t plan the child at all. While the older mums are all of them, except one who is engaged, married with men who are amazing.

Really? Most of them had one night stands and that's their conception story?how many do you know who surrendered this info to you, presumably they aren't in your circle

However, the NHS and SS do refer to mothers over 21 and their children as vulnerable, if they are vulnerable
If they are coming to ss theres other stuff going on.
No social worker is going to interested ina woman who is married at 19 and has a baby at 21 with no issues going on.
My friends dd gave birth to a baby in September and is pregnant again at 22( by choice) she has a very large loving and supportive family around her with no problems. She is not vulnerable.

Most of the young mums I know had their babies with a one night stand from a bar or club and didn’t plan the child at all. While the older mums are all of them, except one who is engaged, married with men who are amazing. So it depends on your circle. The fact that the NHS and social services refers to mums under 21 (and their children) as vulnerable suggests there are very good reasons for that

I was 16 when I got pregnant, 17 when I gave birth. I was with my children's dad for 12 years.
Not once was a referred to as vulnerable. Because I wasn't vulnerable. Social services aren't interested in young mothers because they're young. I've never had SS involvement because no one ever thought I was vulnerable and needed it.

Yeah, I wasn’t considered vulnerable either, what even are you talking about? Or is that your prejudice talking? Even when I said to both my midwife and health visitor ‘yikes I’m such a young mum’ (at 20 while pregnant) I was just reassured that biologically I was at my peak, emotionally I was well supported and weirdly I was more financially stable then than I was a decade later! They had zero concerns about my vulnerability! The only people who did were judgmental people in society who didn’t know me and my law lecturer from uni who blatantly told me I’ve wasted my life. Snigger! He was a lonely man.

So no, they do not class anyone and everyone under 21 as vulnerable. No, not everyone under 21 is pregnant as a result of a one night stand. No, not everyone under 21 who is pregnant is emotionally and financially unstable with no life prospects. No, not everyone under 21 who is pregnant is from a delinquent upbringing. Get over yourself!