@user1471523870
This and this!
I think we are all right or wrong based on our experiences.
For instance, as an older mum, I can never relate much to the comments about 'in your 40s you should enjoy life vs changing nappies'. I am so very happy to be changing nappies in my late forties! I had many many years of nights out, holidays, parties, hobbies, free time etc, all done when I was much younger. Now I enjoy so much a much wanted baby and can't care less.
This to say we are all different. There is no law that dictates that you have to have babies first and 'fun' after or the other way round.
I so agree with this.
Lots of people talk about having their life back once kids are a bit older, that they can travel or study or build a career or take up hobbies etc. then. And absolutely that’s great for them - my sister and two of my good friends were in the position of doing things that way round and it’s worked out great for them.
For me, i was very much on track to have children by the ‘optimal’ time as often defined on these threads, then my ex of 12 years cheated and got someone else pregnant instead, my world imploded, I then had multiple bereavements, was caring for a terminally ill parent - life happened basically. And that was all very sad and shit - but there were lots of wonderful things too like travel and friends and further study/ qualifications and flings with wildly unsuitable men and living/ working abroad etc. By the time I met my now husband at 35 I was very very ready to embrace the drudgery of domestic life and parenting - unfortunately it took us till I was 40 to be successful but I’ve never been happier or more content in my life and absolutely don’t feel I’m missing out on anything.
I also don’t feel any older or different physically to when I was 30 - I think these threads are often full of posters assuming that a given age (usually anything with a 0 after it) will automatically equal old/ tired/ decrepit but once they get there themselves they will hopefully find, like I have, that it really isn’t that big a deal. My mum at 70 was more fun, active and outgoing that a lot of 40 year olds I know (including myself possibly), my best mate is 50 and looks about 35, has the best life and most energy of anyone I know, my 86 year old aunt was still working in travel/ tourism until Covid hit, still drives, swims every day, hikes, acts, sings in a choir and has just started a music course at her local university. My uncle at 80 delivered for meals and wheels to help out what he called ‘the old people’ many of whom were 15 years younger than him.
My mum who was 40 when I was born was actually my adoptive mum (sort of, complicated back story but she brought me up). My birth parents were younger and more apparently acceptable ages to become parents - they died at 36 and 42, natural causes.
Of course that’s all anecdotal and of course the risks do increase as you get older, but nobody’s experience is universal - how some people can confidently proclaim that a certain age is too old/ludicrous/selfish etc I just don’t know. All ANYONE can say is what would be their personal cut off (and even then I’m prepared to bet that if things hadn’t worked out how they’d planned, the majority of people would find themselves shifting the goalposts a bit).