What age is too old for a first baby, in your opinion?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Obviously, there's a wealth of information out there in terms of studies and research. Everyone knows fertility does decline with age, and that risks of things like miscarriage increase.

But women are also having first babies later and later. I'm 37, and because of health issues, have never been in the place to be able to ttc. I don't know if it's just part of the grieving process or not, but I'm not quite ready to fully let go of the idea of a child of my own - I can't accept that it would, realistically, be too late to start trying even if my doctors did miraculously give me the go ahead next year.

Posting in AIBU as people are frank and honest here, without much sugar coating! What do you privately feel is probably too late for a first baby?

I don't think or feel that any age is "too old" - publicly or privately, male or female parent. I mean, if a woman is the one gestating, it's probably very hard on her body past the age of 55, but she could still adopt, have surrogate, etc.

What I observe is that couples who have 1st baby after age 40 usually find it very tough like being hit by a sledgehammer. If I was offering advice, I'd say have kids < age 40. You're more flexible & less set in your ways so can adapt better kids take your life over.

That said -- friend has proven me wrong. He had his 1st child at about age 57 & he is over the moon. Could not be happier. He was astoundingly broody for years before that, so the event was long overdue.

Personally, over 39.

I'd worry for a friend over age of 45.

You’ll be 50 when your dc is 10

Again, so the fuck what?

What do you think happens at 50?

My mum was 50 when I was 10. It was fine? And that was when 50 seemed older than it does today.

It’s difficult to say and lots of people have mentioned the age for your last child which is probably easier to answer.

I have noticed a decent amount of people I know having their first child at 35. It does seem like an age where you think about starting a family and it was for me too. But it depends how many kids you want and your circumstances. It’s not to say if I didn’t have a partner at 35 I would have written off having kids. I’m sure I’d be up for having children later.

A friend of mine had her first at 42, second at 45 - both after multiple IVF rounds.

She’s exhausted, couldn’t cope with working as well so had to leave the career she’d spent 20 years building, and is now very, very lost.

So for me, based on that one example, I’d say 40.

Personally I was done at 26. Had first when I was 21.

Though I don't think I would've ttc after 35 if life hadn't worked out the way it did.

I was done after DC2 at 24, but had my third at 29.

I’m 35 now and cannot imagine anything worse than going back to no sleep, breastfeeding and nappies, but that’s probably because I’ve done that 3 times already, rather than my age.

I will stress that it's personal choice, up to a point, though many risks can increase as you get older (that doesn't mean anything bad definitely WILL happen to an older mum or definitely WON'T happen to a younger one, just on average, of course). I think under 40, maybe ideally even under 35, is optimum in my personal opinion, but know of mums in their 40's who have had babies and seem to be coping pretty well (as the next person) as the babies grow up into older children/teens. The reality is that parenting can be hard work/tiring/challenging at any age!

38-42 ish

I'd say have kids < age 40. You're more flexible & less set in your ways so can adapt better

Lol at being “set in your ways” at 40

People really do think the slide into senility begins at 40.

Just don’t buy a new telly as we’ll never learn how to use the newfangled thing

For me 35 would have been my cut off, but obviously that’s based on the fact I’d had 3 children by 31. Had I struggled to conceive I’m sure I’d have pushed that age. My new SIL is expecting baby no 1 at 41yrs

Wow posters are quick to criticise the op for being young at 21 but don’t want to get called old at 40?
Oh the irony…

I don't think it's a fair question because it's different for everyone.

I was 21 and 24 when I had my kids. Being 37 now, I couldn't even comprehend having a baby now and I'm glad I have more freedom now mine are 15 and 13, even more so once I reach my 40s. But thats my story.

Some women enjoy it the other way around, more freedom in their 20s/early 30s then go for it with kids later on.

With hindsight though, I think the ideal age is late 20s. Not too young and not older.

Menopause. Or about 45.

However, I was 47 having my twins (after 10 IVFs). I juggle that with a senior professional role.
My mum was in her 40s having kids (she's now a healthy 92). My granny was in her 40s having my mum (died at 88). So I'm hoping I've long-life genetics.

All the people who are knackered from kids in their early 30s - if they hadn't had kids yet, they'd probably be fine. Im not knackered at 49 with nearly two-year-olds.

Such a personal decision. I had 3DC by 34 so 37 would have been my cutoff but for first DC I would say 44/45.

@BitcherOfBlakiven

I was done after DC2 at 24, but had my third at 29.

I’m 35 now and cannot imagine anything worse than going back to no sleep, breastfeeding and nappies, but that’s probably because I’ve done that 3 times already, rather than my age.

This is the point, most people quoting younger ages are fortunate enough to have had kids early. The sense of not wanting to do it at a certain largely comes from having done it already and then having older ones by that age. I would have said early 30s as oldest but then didn't get married until I was early 30s. DS at 34 and twins just before I turned 38. Turns out that was my max age because I'm not having any bloody more 😂😂

I guess to my daughter/niece, I'd recommend about 30-35 to have kids.

Aah this thread again! Must have been a couple of weeks at least?

Easy to say '36' when you already have two kids by 30.

@Ladywinesalot

Wow posters are quick to criticise the op for being young at 21 but don’t want to get called old at 40? Oh the irony…

I don't think people are criticising anyone for being 21, or at least I missed it if they are, more just stating that it is fairly young. 40 definitely isn't ancient, but it is moving toward the older age range where having a baby is concerned. None of these are criticisms, just statements. Different things work for different people, and a whole host of factors will influence when a woman chooses to start trying to conceive, when she actually conceives, and how she copes with/adapts to giving birth, having a baby, and being a parent in general. Certain risk factors do increase with age, but that doesn't mean increasing age is the only risk factor, far from it. I wish luck to anyone who is TTC, pregnant, parenting, or who is still trying to decide how they even feel about the thought of being a parent!

After 45.

Though having babies late does keep you young. Was chatting to a friend who teaches yoga earlier and she was talking about some new women in her class who are 60 so not as supple as people 'our age'. I am almost 60. She is about 40. She seems to have no idea I'm almost 20 years older than her.

It's only too late when you are too old to conceive.

@Bitofachinwag

It's only too late when you are too old to conceive.

Do you really think this? I was having regular periods every month until I was 55. If I'd got pregnant at 55, had a baby at 56, that child would have had a 72 year old mother at the age of 18. I had DC late but I would feel uneasy about a child coping with such elderly parents in their teens.

Depends on so many things,
How good ix your health? How long do you think your health will be good enough? Don't have kids late into your 40s if you're going to be knackered with toddlers that you can't chase after.
If you're looking to have 2/3/4 you might want to have a cut off of whe you have your first, or change those plans.

But honestly, if it can happen and you want to, go ahead. Don't hold off trying because it isn't always easy to fall pregnant.

If you want to be a mother, age doesn't come into it too much, if you'll love your baby and strive to give it all that it will need.

hivemindneeded yes I do believe that
However, even if you have periods at 55 you are highly unlikely to conceive and give birth at that age, but obviously it could happen.

@Bitofachinwag

It's only too late when you are too old to conceive.

So it's OK to keep having babies as long as nature allows it, like up to 50-52 years old potentially? By that token you must think it's OK for girls to have them as long as nature allows it, at the other end of the scale. At 10 or 11. I mean, why not? Nature allows it after all.