What age is too old for a first baby, in your opinion?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Obviously, there's a wealth of information out there in terms of studies and research. Everyone knows fertility does decline with age, and that risks of things like miscarriage increase.

But women are also having first babies later and later. I'm 37, and because of health issues, have never been in the place to be able to ttc. I don't know if it's just part of the grieving process or not, but I'm not quite ready to fully let go of the idea of a child of my own - I can't accept that it would, realistically, be too late to start trying even if my doctors did miraculously give me the go ahead next year.

Posting in AIBU as people are frank and honest here, without much sugar coating! What do you privately feel is probably too late for a first baby?

Personally 35 would feel too old. But I always wanted multiple children which would become harder the later you start.

Having said that, at one point DH and I decided we wouldn't have any(more) children after 30 and we actually ended up having DS the month before I turned 30 and DS2 at 32. So even the timings you set for yourself can be open to change depending on the circumstances.

45. Not because older is too old to have a baby, but older means you'd be even older during teenage years and possibly not around, but at least very old, as the child grows into adulthood

I had my dc2 at 38, she's 16 now and we're perfectly ok. I've always played with her, we now talk about the things she's interested in, what music she likes, what tv shows she's watching etc etc. 38 was fine and not even on the borderline iyswim, so I'd say about 45.

Personally 35 at the latest but it’s such a personal decision and depends on each persons circumstances as to when they are ready.

Menopause? Personally, I'd say early/mid 40s would be the cut off but it entirely depends on the individual's health and circumstances.

My personal cut off would have been 38.

For me, 30. For others, 45. Not that my opinion should dictate anything or anyone, just the risk to both parent and child is so high.

I don’t think it’s about age number.
If you are committed to having and raising a child then go for it. There are pros and cons to different ages. It is impossible to generalise that any individual should or shouldn’t have a child. That person can assess their own circumstances and decide if it seems right for them.

35 was mine and my DH’s cut off point.

We TTC for a very long time for our second baby but thankfully I conceived a few months before my husband’s 35th birthday

It's a very personal thing. I'm done, dd is nearly a teen, the thought of going back to sleepless nights and nappies just doesn't appeal to me- I'm early 30s.
But if I didn't have dd- would I feel the same?!

Could you see yourself being a parent to a teen when you're in your 50s?

And I know its an unpopular opinion, but you have to ask yourself if your health condition is going to potentially affect your child.

I mean you can get pregnant for as long as you can actually get pregnant but personally I wouldn’t of been wanting to do it at 35+

By the time your child is 20 if you had them at 35 your then 55 if they then waited till they where 35 for babies you’d be 70 before you might possibly meet a grandchild or in some cases even see your child get married etc. Some families still have rather short life expectancy individually at only making it into their sixes. It’s a risk.

In an ideal world 35.

I had my second child the day before my 35th birthday. I had complications throughout both pregnancies that were miles worse in my second. I was advised they would only get worse with age.

But we don't live in an ideal world and none of this is within our control anyway.

Menopause. I had all 3 of mine later than some of the ages people have said!

40ish probably, possibly 45. I'm 33 and hoping it happens for me too despite health conditions and being single at the moment OP.

Maybe see how things go with your medical issues and if your medical team are OK with it then go for a fertility assessment to check on your egg reserves etc.

My cut off was 40. When I went to the GP for my booking in appointment I asked if I was considered old for a first child (36/7) and she said, 'oh no I'd only have concerns about you if you were over 40'. I think that stayed with me.

42

I was 43 when we had our one and only. Didn't really want kids before that, and DS is now 22. I don't think I was particularly tired or unable to wrangle toddlers then, and it never bothered me being the oldest parent.

And I know its an unpopular opinion, but you have to ask yourself if your health condition is going to potentially affect your child

Of course it's not an unpopular opinion

It's a massive factor in the constant weighing up and worrying and wondering if I'd be a 'good enough' mother when it comes to attempting to make the most important decision of a lifetime...

42/43

About 45

My friend just had her first at 47 & all is fine OP. Go for it! 🤞🤞🤞

@Flowersandhearts

40ish probably, possibly 45. I'm 33 and hoping it happens for me too despite health conditions and being single at the moment OP.

Maybe see how things go with your medical issues and if your medical team are OK with it then go for a fertility assessment to check on your egg reserves etc.

It's so hard! Wishing you all the best and hope it happens for you.

I've had two blood tests over the last decade (AMH I think?) to guesstimate egg reserve which both looked good - most recent was last year.

But I understand it only gives a very vague idea of how things are looking from a fertility point of view?

I've had babies in my 20s, 30s and 40s and it has made no difference really. Admittedly I am fit and healthy, so maybe that is a factor, but now at nearly 50 I wouldn't be that worried about having a baby.

Me personally, in my 20s. My disability started ramping up when I was 25, so I am glad I had my boys by the time I was 23. For anyone else? Whenever they want to. As long as they are fit and able to care for a baby it is no one else's business

I'm 31 now and spending an hour with my 1 yo niece kills me 🙈

Well it's very individual,somebody who had their first child at 20 might feel all done by 25
It's not as simple as saying you want to complete your family by a certain age ,you might be single , have fertility treatment ssues ,all kinds of reasons