What age is too old for a first baby, in your opinion?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Obviously, there's a wealth of information out there in terms of studies and research. Everyone knows fertility does decline with age, and that risks of things like miscarriage increase.

But women are also having first babies later and later. I'm 37, and because of health issues, have never been in the place to be able to ttc. I don't know if it's just part of the grieving process or not, but I'm not quite ready to fully let go of the idea of a child of my own - I can't accept that it would, realistically, be too late to start trying even if my doctors did miraculously give me the go ahead next year.

Posting in AIBU as people are frank and honest here, without much sugar coating! What do you privately feel is probably too late for a first baby?

@BitcherOfBlakiven

A friend of mine had her first at 42, second at 45 - both after multiple IVF rounds.

She’s exhausted, couldn’t cope with working as well so had to leave the career she’d spent 20 years building, and is now very, very lost.

So for me, based on that one example, I’d say 40.

I've got 2 friends, roughly the same ages with 2 IVF children. Both are in fine form, one started a new career after being a SAHM for 4 years, one is currently still a SAHM 6 years on, but immensely excited about new career training she's currently going through. Different strokes, different folks etc.

@Ladywinesalot

Think ppl are mental for having first dc at 45! Womens bodies change a lot post 40 We should enjoying our lives not running around!

Because those two things are mutually exclusive?

43

[quote gindreams]@cabsavpls

Smug much ?[/quote]
Smug because I made a conscious effort to have the life I wanted? Then yes, you could say I'm smug. But really I'm just very lucky that everything aligned exactly how I wanted it to ( regarding kids)

Plenty of things in my life haven't gone my way and have been upsetting to deal with, but this particular wish did and I'm not sorry for being smug about it!

@Hemingwayzcatz I assume your mum must have some health issues otherwise I can't understand why she'd be too tired to parent pre schoolers. I'm almost 52 and feel no different energy wise to how I did at 30! Actually I'm fitter now if anything.

74

FFS

For ME, personally probably around the 37 mark. That’s not based on any medical or even anecdotal evidence, it’s just the age I wouldn’t want to be starting. Plenty people do and that’s fine, I think it can depend so much on so many factors.

Work in health care - we have several woman who have children aged 46 first try past two years

Just coming back to this having been looking at my family tree trying to find some info - anyway it really surprised me in our family how so many women had their children later, right up until my mum had me in her late 20s. The others before her have all been late 30s or early 40s before they had their last and were mostly early 30s when they had their first. Hadn’t expected that!

@PaperMonster

Same, when I looked at my family tree I found that my maternal grandmother, great grandmother and great great grandmother all had at least one baby after 40. They also all lived until 82 - 92, which is pretty amazing when life expectancy in the UK was 41 years old for people born the same year as my great great grandmother (1855).

I reckon 40

I'd say 43/44. I had my second at 42.

My grandmother gave birth to my Aunt 4 weeks before I was born when she was in her 40's. She died when my Aunt and I were 37.

Her husband , my grandfather, died last year at the age of 91 ( when I was 50)

So my Aunt still had her Dad around when she hit 50 despite being the child of older parents.

I know loads who are really good parents having conceived 40 to 45.

Me personally, around 35. Other people can do what they like.

For me personally I was pregnant at 31 and 34 and am finding toddler dc2 so much more tiring than the first time around. I am feeling my age at present and pretty exhausted with a 4 and 2 Yr old (contrary to a pp's statement above I am thin, fit and healthy too and don't drink much)! It might just be to for with the length of time I've been a parent of young dc that is wearing who knows! 35 would be a cut off for me personally but that was easy to say as I said that when I already had dc1 and was technically dc2 but always said I couldn't be changing nappies in my 40s or be too old wheb my dc get older.

I think if you feel fit and well, plenty of energy and support then nothing wrong with trying alittle later. My friend had a baby at 38 and was absolutely fine, another friend struggled to conceive for years and had dc1 through ivf at 38 and got pregnant naturally with dc2 at 39!

to do*

ttc^

After 45

I’d say it is different for every person. It depends on if they could physically keep up with nappies and midnight feeds. I’m 28 and the youngest mum in the pick up queue to my Yr1 and some other parents are going gray.

Depends on the person l think. I am planning on giving up trying at the end of this year when l will be 42, nearly 43. In my defence l am in good health / fitness and look good for my age, my fiancé is a couple of years younger. I wouldn't pursue it past then but that is my persona choice. l know some IVF clinics will treat up until 49. Some even past that

OP -my AMH was excellent the last time it was measured. It doesn't giving any info about the quality unfortunately. Fertility is quite hard to accurately quantify

It’s not just the age of a first time mum that counts , but dad as well. Also having extended family who can help . It’s hard having a new baby if your looking after elderly grandparents as well.

Personally, 40

It's up to the people trying to get pregnant. Personally I wanted to have had my last baby by the time I was 30 (and then had my youngest 2 aged 31 and 32) but that was my choice, not something I would expect anyone else to do.