What age is too old for a first baby, in your opinion?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Obviously, there's a wealth of information out there in terms of studies and research. Everyone knows fertility does decline with age, and that risks of things like miscarriage increase.

But women are also having first babies later and later. I'm 37, and because of health issues, have never been in the place to be able to ttc. I don't know if it's just part of the grieving process or not, but I'm not quite ready to fully let go of the idea of a child of my own - I can't accept that it would, realistically, be too late to start trying even if my doctors did miraculously give me the go ahead next year.

Posting in AIBU as people are frank and honest here, without much sugar coating! What do you privately feel is probably too late for a first baby?

45 is leaving it a bit late. I think ttc a first at 37 is not too late but just might be less successful

35/36

@AbsentmindedWoman

Obviously, there's a wealth of information out there in terms of studies and research. Everyone knows fertility does decline with age, and that risks of things like miscarriage increase.

But women are also having first babies later and later. I'm 37, and because of health issues, have never been in the place to be able to ttc. I don't know if it's just part of the grieving process or not, but I'm not quite ready to fully let go of the idea of a child of my own - I can't accept that it would, realistically, be too late to start trying even if my doctors did miraculously give me the go ahead next year.

Posting in AIBU as people are frank and honest here, without much sugar coating! What do you privately feel is probably too late for a first baby?

Op, I think what people feel privately here is not so important in this case even if it's interesting. It's mostly a medical matter and a lot of that depends on your personal circumstances.

I had my first at 37 and second at 42 (almost 43). I had two miscarriages in between. Both pregnancies and deliveries were fairly normal. I still think I got very, very lucky not just to have healthy babies but to conceive naturally in the first place.

If you get the green light from your doctor then I'd start asap. Best of luck op.

I think it’s very individual, depending on the back story, health and lots more personal stuff. Personally, I think about 42. I was 33 when I had my first, and it was great. I sort of wish I’d had her earlier, but it took 2 years. My 3rd and last was born when I was 40, again not by choice as such. But - I could so tell the difference in terms of how my body coped with it. I was so much more relaxed and just enjoyed her, but the pregnancy was physically much harder and took it out of me more. I also didn’t just bounce back the same. Maybe it’s because I had 3, maybe because I was older, but I kind of regret not having another at 41 ish. At 46 I feel definitely too old now.

I know quite a few people who've had their first baby over 40. It's really common now.

My MIL had her first baby (my DH) at age 44. In 1952. She went on to have another a year later. There is no such thing as "too old"

Bout 46/46

When people’s fertility naturally conks out, and you still have a very good chance of being about till your child is 30.

30s are better than 40s for most people, but not for everyone - or it’s just not possible.

Depends on other things, not just age. I am 41 with a 3yo. I’m fit and healthy and love being a mum, I have no problems getting up early and chasing round with him, swimming, climbing round soft play etc. I think I am a calmer and more patient mum than I would have been when I was younger, plus I don’t feel I’m missing out on socialising etc. because I did all that before having him.

I had my first at 22. I'm 34 now and I feel too old for babies. My sister had her first at 30 and is pregnant with her second now, so it's horses for courses I think.

It depends if you've been ttc for a long time then I guess maybe 40ish. Or if you have never found a partner then the same. But I feel like if you're in a long term relationship then maybe 35. For me I couldn't imagine having a baby past 35 but I was bought up by a youngish mum and my mum mum's was fairly young too. So for me it seemed more normal to have kids in your early twenties. I was also lucky to have been with my husband from a young age I was 17 when we first started going out, 27 when we got married 28 when we had our first child and 31 when we had our second. Again I was lucky to conceive very quickly both times. I think if I had struggled to conceive then I would have tried for a certain amount of time and then tried a different route like adoption probably at around 35ish as I would assume it might take a while.

Personally for me I wouldn’t have another baby over 30. But there’s a lot of older mums out there. My friend was called a geriatric mother by a dr when she was pregnant at 35 this was only five years ago (bit harsh if you ask me) It’s now called advanced maternal age.

Ideally before 35.

I've always thought I'd rather be a really young mum than a really old one. Mostly for the usual reasons (more energy, easier to conceive, healthier pregnancy/ baby etc), but also so I could start life as I meant to go on with the feeling "the hard work" is only going to get easier instead of the other way around. Plus more chance of seeing the grandkids grow up. My own four Granparents have teenage-toddler great-grandkids so there's always an abundance of family to help out both ways.

I intentionally had my first as a teen (no regrets) and I've said 30 is my limit for anymore, with 35 being my absolute cut off (on the off chance a partner has no kids and is desperate to have one and I'm as sure as can be he wants to the the majority of the wifework).

You couldn't pay me to only just start after 35. My career is taking off, my childcare costs are £0, and that's when I'm planning to have my life back

Go for it! My best friend has just had her first baby aged 41 after a long struggle to have her and could not be happier. I am 42 with 2 kids and would have another if I could.

35/36

I probably wouldn’t want to be having babies in my 40s.
I had my 3rd last year just before I turned 39 and it’s been absolutely ace. She’s amazing.

Around 42, can't imagine anything worse than running around after toddlers while menopausal tbh

I got pregnant at 43, giving birth at 44. I'm now 59 with a 14 (soon to be 15) year old. I never had any problems with tiredness - well I kept up with all the younger mums so it could have been that we were all knackered!

Had I had the choice though I would have loved to have had DS in my 30s. Just because we'll have to fund university etc just as we should be squirrelling money away for retirement so not ideal. Plus we may not be around for the grandchildrens' adulthoods (if they arrive in the first place).

Having said that, at 37 I had just managed to work my way up the ladder and those extra years of higher level work allowed me to be a SAHM then start my own business whilst working part time to fit around DS. I've never had to find childcare for the summer holidays for example and that's a big bonus.

Sometimes having kids too early means you end up giving up on some retirement dreams too as you get caught in the childcare for the grandchildren. As happened to a cousin who has looked after her grandsons for eleven years now whilst mum and dad work. That's fine but she and her DH haven't been able to do the travelling they planned when they retired five years ago and are now resigned to that being on hold for another seven or eight years as her DD had two more kids in the interim years.

I think it very much depends on the person. A person's body age can be very different to their chronological age, depending on their diet, lifestyle, genetics and luck.

After 40.

Maybe 45?

I think after 45 is probably unusual, but if a woman can get pregnant and carry a child to term, she’s not ‘too old’.

After the menopause.
I have a friend who thought she was going through the menopause at 49. She was pregnant.

I had my first at 38, OP, and my second at 41. Three miscarriages in between though. You're not too old.

I'm 38 and feel like I could easily have a couple more. I think in my head 43/44 is around the cut off.

For me 35. But i wouldnt judge (or care about) what others do.