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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have never really done the school run?

266 replies

Veeveeoxox · 12/01/2022 15:16

DD is 8 and in Year 4 for the first time in a long time I am picking her up directly from school. She goes to breakfast club at the local nursery and then after school club they pick her up and drop her off. I love it as there's no waiting for the teacher and no parents there either, my social anxiety loves it. Even if I'm off work I still take her to breakfast club and after-school club I just pick her up earlier. Does anyone else do this just because they loathe the school run ? Grin

OP posts:
CharSiu · 13/01/2022 11:34

Having read remarks here from people with social anxiety as someone who doesn’t have it I can only speak for myself but I just don’t care what anyone looks like I’m just interested in the contents of their head which I can’t find out unless I speak to them.

What do people with social anxiety think of others? Or do they live with an inward perspective only on how they are perceived?

Original poster
Veeveeoxox · 13/01/2022 11:38

@CharSiu

Having read remarks here from people with social anxiety as someone who doesn’t have it I can only speak for myself but I just don’t care what anyone looks like I’m just interested in the contents of their head which I can’t find out unless I speak to them.

What do people with social anxiety think of others? Or do they live with an inward perspective only on how they are perceived?

I'm not sure I do have social anxiety I suspect I'm on the spectrum but I don't know. At work I will happily chat to people communication is a huge part of my job role in fact it wears me out and I quite simply can't be arsed making small talk in the morning or after school. I'm all socialised out.
OP posts:
Bagamoyo1 · 13/01/2022 11:44

@phoenixrosehere

Well if you’re so sure you’re right, why start a thread about it?

How did you even come to that conclusion from her response? Also, why are you so sure you know more about what her child likes or dislikes when it comes to those clubs?

Because she said her DD wasn't bothered about her being there, and would have preferred to go to after school club. Apparently.
pinkiepiee · 13/01/2022 11:45

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I'm used to an office environment where it would be unthinkable to only greet your mates and seen as very bad form to be exclusionary / cliquey. I think that's why I was a bit taken aback by the folk who blank and ignore.

Me too - and not just my work environment, my entire upbringing requires me not to blank people I see every day, so it came as a shock that all rules are suspended on the school run. I still find it very odd, but I've come to accept it now, and I can stand placidly next to a class parent I've been seeing every school day for 2 years and not feel like I have to acknowledge them at all if I've never got any response in the past.

Yes! Exactly! I find it bizarre. Added to that there are mums of kids who my DD plays with every day and talks about and they do not acknowledge me in the pick up area. If I didn't have a biggish circle of friends and a very happy work environment I would really worry that I am somehow deficient / unacceptable in some way. And I have no social anxiety whatsoever.
phoenixrosehere · 13/01/2022 11:49

There are no etiquette rules! Some people just drop and run, some have a chat, some only say hello to people they know and some greet everyone with a kid in the same class / year group.

Same for me. Many have said that it’s like going to pick up milk or commuting but it’s not in my area. There’s no etiquette, lack of awareness and consideration and it makes it difficult to drop off a child and go. I chat to some on my off days but we at least waited til we were further down the road and on a quiet street before we started to chat.

I see people get to the school gate 20/30mins before school starts. I find it baffling.

I did this sometimes because I would finish my commute from work early and it was pointless to go all the way home if I had to pass the school anyway and by time I would get home, I’d have to turn right back around.

Bagamoyo1 · 13/01/2022 11:52

What always baffles me about these threads is wondering how bad something can really be if it only lasts a few minutes?

I did years of school runs. Drop off chat was basically non existent, as people arrived at different times, and had stuff to do afterwards, so all went their separate ways.
Pick up was only ever a few minutes, because unless you arrived early, you literally walk to the gate, get your child, and then leave.
Of course if you want to you can make it a social event - arrive early, chat etc. But you don't have to. I did a mixture, depending on my schedule.
Why is there so much drama and angst about it?
I assume that anyone who is doing school runs has managed to have a conversation long enough to lead to sex, so they surely can't be completely incapable of speech!

Original poster
Veeveeoxox · 13/01/2022 11:54

"Because she said her DD wasn't bothered about her being there, and would have preferred to go to after school club. Apparently"

No my DD isn't bothered about going she gets to play on the PlayStation and eat yummy food , I will say she doesn't like being the last one there to get picked up . She loves breakfast club and the selection offered and goes everyday . If I'm off work school finishes at 3.15 so I will pick her up at 3.30 from after school club. I'm not sure why that's so bad!? There's no mad rush trying to get a parking space and panic about not finding one as there's loads there's not 100s of parents queuing and theres no waiting in the rain.

OP posts:
Moomieboo · 13/01/2022 11:55

My children are bus wankers......I love it !!!

phoenixrosehere · 13/01/2022 12:02

What always baffles me about these threads is wondering how bad something can really be if it only lasts a few minutes?
I did years of school runs. Drop off chat was basically non existent, as people arrived at different times, and had stuff to do afterwards, so all went their separate ways.
Pick up was only ever a few minutes, because unless you arrived early, you literally walk to the gate, get your child, and then leave.

Because it’s not just a few minutes for everyone.

MogsBestestFurball · 13/01/2022 12:05

My DC is not old enough for School yet, but I can see how anyone who hates crowds or has social anxiety or autism could hate it.

Maybe lots of it depends on the individual school? I am put off sending DD to our nearest primary School due to the awful traffic and crowds at pick up time, with narrow pavements and cars speeding along a main road. I think it's only luck that a child has not been run over so far.

Thatsplentyjack · 13/01/2022 12:06

Jesus, does everyone in the world have "social anxiety"?

hannahbeth · 13/01/2022 12:06

@Momicrone

Yes, I enjoy the walk with the kids and have made some life long friends
Same as @Momicrone. I loved it over the years. Miss those little hands in mine. I also worked quite a few days a week so looked forward to the days when I could do it.
rambleonplease · 13/01/2022 12:08

You do what you need to do in my opinion. We're all different. We don't need any wrap around childcare as work opposite shifts with me working part time I do most of the school runs. I really enjoy them and like to have a chat with some friends at school as well as chat to my kids on the way there and back. If you don't like them and have found a way around them and you and your child are happy with that, then there's no problem!

Andtheyalllookjustthesame · 13/01/2022 12:12

I used to do a school run on public transport, we would either be half an hour early or half an hour late because the bus was hourly. I ended up putting mine in breakfast club.

maudmadrigal · 13/01/2022 12:36

I liked the school run for lots of reasons: Nice to start the day with a walk. It was often (though by no means always!) a nice time spent with my kids. I made friends with some of the parents, and was happy to chat with pretty much anybody who chatted to me/looked like they wanted to chat. Kids were always happy to see me. I WFH in a fairly solitary job, so it was nice to have that little burst of socialising.

I'd moved to a new part of the country, and was keen to make friends. The posts on here which are very critical of people wanting to make friends with fellow parents ('and that's all you have in common! I have plenty of real friends already') always make me feel a bit sad for people like me who see it as a bit of a potential friendship lifeline. (I do understand that not everyone has the time or headspace for school-related socialising, and my experience of the school gates was that (I think!) it was pretty easy to tell who was in which camp - but just because it's not for one person doesn't mean it's not for anybody.) You do what works for you and your kids though, as much as you can, I think.

pastypirate · 13/01/2022 13:17

@Bagamoyo1

What always baffles me about these threads is wondering how bad something can really be if it only lasts a few minutes? I did years of school runs. Drop off chat was basically non existent, as people arrived at different times, and had stuff to do afterwards, so all went their separate ways. Pick up was only ever a few minutes, because unless you arrived early, you literally walk to the gate, get your child, and then leave. Of course if you want to you can make it a social event - arrive early, chat etc. But you don't have to. I did a mixture, depending on my schedule. Why is there so much drama and angst about it? I assume that anyone who is doing school runs has managed to have a conversation long enough to lead to sex, so they surely can't be completely incapable of speech!
Exactly. Sex, supermarket shopping, working.....
NerrSnerr · 13/01/2022 13:56

I'm used to an office environment where it would be unthinkable to only greet your mates and seen as very bad form to be exclusionary / cliquey. I think that's why I was a bit taken aback by the folk who blank and ignore.

It's very a different situation though. If you caught the same bus every day would you expect to chat to everyone you see on the bus stop or on the bus just because you happen to be at the same place at the same time? Maybe a smile or nod of the head?

Is it exclusionary or cliquey to have a chat to people you know? There are about 45 children in my daughter's year and about 50 in my son's so that's a lot of parents to chat to if you had to talk to everyone.

Beebopawhop · 13/01/2022 14:33

@allfurcoatnoknickers so for some it takes longer than others who say live right beside the school. We have never had walking distance schools so always driven and always had to go early to find parking because surprisingly there are no car parks just for parents I guess the whole.point is walk to school etc anyway sorry so longness of getting to school for me is nearly 45 mins early just to grab a spot! And drop off is better tho as more space and just drop and go and I run out as to avoid parents. There are then queues to get into school and then another queue for your kids class to come out so there is a lot of queuing and hence time to talk to parents. I can't just go on phone although I should actually ring voicemail or something then just to avoid talking to people but people just come up to you and start talking and talking and then you get the gaggles who set up what's app groups for dinners and if someone finds out they're not included all hell breaks lose etc etc hahahaha so actually I can see where people get annoyed with school runs as I do but the same time I do like seeing my little ones face when he sees me. The older one doesn't seem to care and gives me no smiles but I think secretly he likes it mummy collects him!

Keke94LND · 13/01/2022 14:44

If you have social anxiety over stuff like this I would recommend trying to do something about it, I have social anxiety and am sick of it ruling my life so trying to gain some control of it!

Inastatus · 13/01/2022 14:57

@Thatsplentyjack

Jesus, does everyone in the world have "social anxiety"?
@Thatsplentyjack - I’m sure some people genuinely have anxiety but it sounds like some are just generally anti-social and using the label as an excuse.
doubleshotcappuccino · 13/01/2022 15:12

I have older DCs now and drive past the school grateful every-time the school run is over .. the feeling of happiness I don't have do it anymore will never leave me . Always found it a worry .

Woofwoofbarkbark · 13/01/2022 15:22

I've never not done the school run! I really enjoy it. I like the walk there and back. A quick hello and a chat. Seeing my children's Happy faces as they come out. I'll miss it when it's over. My eldest takes herself to the other side of the school now and it hurt my heart the first week! I didn't think it would happen so quickly.

phoenixrosehere · 13/01/2022 15:55

Maybe lots of it depends on the individual school? I am put off sending DD to our nearest primary School due to the awful traffic and crowds at pick up time, with narrow pavements and cars speeding along a main road. I think it's only luck that a child has not been run over so far.

This is exactly what it’s like in my area which is what made it difficult to enjoy. It wasn’t until they started staggering due to Covid that it made it much easier and more bearable for my sen child.

shakinsti · 13/01/2022 17:29

I don't mind the school run. Good job really as there were no childcare options whatsoever until last year when the school started a breakfast club. There's still nothing after school. (There is also one childminder but as it's only her she's always been full.) I'm so lucky to be able to work around school hours!

Jewel52 · 13/01/2022 17:40

Did it for years and it was fine. I think it helped my kids integrate and I liked knowing the families as well as my kids’ friends. The people on the playground were just the same as any other environment, some nice and some not so nice. But, if other commitments or issues prevent you from doing the school run, it’s not a massive thing.