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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have never really done the school run?

266 replies

Veeveeoxox · 12/01/2022 15:16

DD is 8 and in Year 4 for the first time in a long time I am picking her up directly from school. She goes to breakfast club at the local nursery and then after school club they pick her up and drop her off. I love it as there's no waiting for the teacher and no parents there either, my social anxiety loves it. Even if I'm off work I still take her to breakfast club and after-school club I just pick her up earlier. Does anyone else do this just because they loathe the school run ? Grin

OP posts:
Hesma · 13/01/2022 21:33

I love doing the school run but only get to do it once a week (sadly)

shoplifteroftheworld · 13/01/2022 21:43

@Momicrone

My kids didn't see it as a big play date, they thought it was boring, maybe some clubs are better than others
Momicrone have you ever heard of 'other people'? 🤔
Momicrone · 13/01/2022 21:46

Shoplifter, my point exactly to pps saying kids love school clubs, not all do

Queenbee77 · 14/01/2022 06:39

OMG...I never knew "School run" was a 'thing'. I mean its just part of what you do? I take my children to school and then I pick them up. Where does this anxiety come from? What has happened? Its just lovely taking them to school. I say goodmorning to a few people and we just do our own thing. Teachers stand at the doors of each classroom in our school as it is build that way. We go in one gate and out the other and this year I go past all the other classrooms and say goodmorning to loadsa teachers before I get to the correct classroom. I feel for each one of you who cannot do this. I am so sorry. How horrid. Its just a nice thing to drop off your child. At least it should be. I will smile to more parents this morning in case you one of them is feeling anxious. Perhaps you ALL can do that. Lets be kinder.

Dullrugby · 14/01/2022 06:46

I agree that it seems astonishing to make a parenting decision based on your own irrational mental health situation.
A pp said - This is what social anxiety is like, trying to fit in all the time and thinking there’s something wrong with you if you don’t or perceive you don’t. That must feel really awful, and I can see why ordinary events feel so tough. But you know it's not real, right? Disordered thinking. You can't do the school run wrong.

I'm trying to think how it would be if someone said I have an eating disorder so I never cook for my kids, or I'm a sex addict so I leave them in after school club to go and do cheeky hookups... it's admirable to be battling your demons but the workarounds you use have to be proportionate in their impact on others.

If the anxiety of the school run is SO GREAT you can't pick up your child, I think you need to put a lot more into overcoming it, because that's disproportionate.

On the other hand, I agree that 10mins in after school club won't kill them so it could be a clever workaround while you address the problem if things really are so bad for you.

But OP your posts seem to be saying it's a great solution and why should you have to deal with wankers in your way etc... that's what feels annoying. It's not a great solution it's disproportionate for a simple everyday problem, and you don't seem to think that requires you to do some work on yourself.

lljkk · 14/01/2022 06:47

How can you hate something (school run) you've never done?

Mumofsend · 14/01/2022 06:51

I don't get the school run issue. Is it really the worst thing in the world to encounter someone having a chat and needing to move slightly around them?

drpet49 · 14/01/2022 06:55

If the anxiety of the school run is SO GREAT you can't pick up your child, I think you need to put a lot more into overcoming it, because that's disproportionate.

^I agree. I don’t know anyone who does what the OP does.

GlamourBear · 14/01/2022 07:02

I've adjusted my work hours as we've transitioned from nursery to school so I can pick up mine every day. They do go to breakfast club most of the week but this is so 8 can start early and finish early on my work days 😁

Some days the last thing I want to do it chat though so I get there at the last minute just before the kids are let out!

GlamourBear · 14/01/2022 07:03

Ooops I not 8 and is not in.... Pass the coffee

RasputinsPickledPenis · 14/01/2022 07:09

I enjoy the school run. I actually used to worry that I'd never get the chance but the pandemic happened so I got to do it all the time.

If I talk to another parent from school, it's because I knew them beforehand. There's no drama or cliquey-ness that I've ever noticed.

It's sad that so many of you worry about it.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/01/2022 07:16

First day of term school run is great, the boys were never deposited at school so quickly!!

I used to make the school run a game. The cliquey ones always liked to congregate at a specific bench in the school. The death stares you'd get if you decided to use their bench was fun.

DontTellThemYourNamePike · 14/01/2022 07:25

There's no obligation to talk to anyone. None whatsoever. There is no homogeneous group of parents expecting you to join in their conversations or deliberately ostracising you, just a bunch of parents/grandparents/assorted people, dropping off/picking up their respective kids. Not meaning to sound rude, but you aren't that important.

I'm what might be called very socially awkward and not always good at hiding it, yet I can't say picking up my child from school causes me much in the way of upset. Sometimes I have a brief exchange with someone I recognise, sometimes not. I can think of a million other situations I'd be more relieved to avoid (bloody school fairs being one of them!) But each to their own I guess. If ever there was a time to be able to avoid social chit chat, if preferred, then a pandemic is it!!

eastegg · 14/01/2022 07:36

@onedayoranother

School run is a chore but it didn't cause me any anxiety. No issues with any people and it was nice to put faces to names. We also did a weekly post drop off coffee morning every week - 8.15am so working mums could come for a bit too. That really helped in getting to know people and how the school worked (as kids joined Y2 and 4). But I know people who have only done it a handful of times, usually because they work long hours though.
Did working mums really go at 8.15 for a coffee? How people’s lives differ. That’s a very late working start for most people. When I was working I set off at a time that didn’t even allow me to drop off at breakfast club on many days; DH did it on those days but then we chopped and changed because he also ideally needed to leave earlier as well. I don’t really know what my point is tbh. Just staggered at the idea that someone who has to use a breakfast club is working long hours. Totally normal.
PutBabyInTheCorner · 14/01/2022 07:42

I've never done the school run with my 3 kids because I work full time. I drop mine off with their childminder on the way to work and she picks them up in the afternoon. I'm always surprised so many parents have jobs that mean they can be available at 3 to pick up their kids.

ArthursSeat · 14/01/2022 08:00

I'm sorry that your anxiety is so bad op that it stops you doing the school run.
Some love it, some hate it.
The one thing I do miss now that my DC's are older are the conversations we had on our walk to and from school.

NerrSnerr · 14/01/2022 08:02

@PutBabyInTheCorner

I've never done the school run with my 3 kids because I work full time. I drop mine off with their childminder on the way to work and she picks them up in the afternoon. I'm always surprised so many parents have jobs that mean they can be available at 3 to pick up their kids.
I was already working part time after having children so when my youngest started school I managed to spread my hours over an extra day so I work school hours (very fortunate to work in a very flexible corner of the NHS). It is something that some parents do prioritise and there are some jobs out there that facilitate it. My friend is looking to leave nursing and she has applied for a couple of 9-2 admin jobs.
SpinsForGin · 14/01/2022 08:17

@PutBabyInTheCorner

I've never done the school run with my 3 kids because I work full time. I drop mine off with their childminder on the way to work and she picks them up in the afternoon. I'm always surprised so many parents have jobs that mean they can be available at 3 to pick up their kids.
I work full time too. DS goes to the out of school club 3x a week and I WFH two days so can do the school run on those days - I just duck out for 20 mins to collect him. It's a nice balance
IWishIHadNotDoneIt · 14/01/2022 09:16

Not only do you get to meet the people who are caring for you child for 6 hours a day, your child would be over the moon if you took them.

Roosk · 14/01/2022 09:21

@PutBabyInTheCorner

I've never done the school run with my 3 kids because I work full time. I drop mine off with their childminder on the way to work and she picks them up in the afternoon. I'm always surprised so many parents have jobs that mean they can be available at 3 to pick up their kids.
If you’re senior enough, you can often be very flexible with your scheduling, depending on your field, and WFH has meant a lot of people can nip out to do pick ups.
black2black · 14/01/2022 09:22

I have social anxiety and I’m actually dreading the school run already and my DS doesn’t start until September. I do see a counsellor and we are looking to address this. I hope she can help me as I love my DS more than anything and don’t want my mental health to be destroyed from the anxiety of worrying what other people think of me as I go twice a day.

I like what someone else said that no one is that bothered about you, you’re not that important. That’s the thing with SA, it feels everyone it’s watching and is aware how fucking awkward you look and all talking about it after you’ve gone. I hope I can get over this and have a not giving a shit attitude.

morechocolateneededtoday · 14/01/2022 09:30

@PutBabyInTheCorner

I've never done the school run with my 3 kids because I work full time. I drop mine off with their childminder on the way to work and she picks them up in the afternoon. I'm always surprised so many parents have jobs that mean they can be available at 3 to pick up their kids.
I have worked part time since having children because the commute combined with working FT and weekend work commitments meant I would not have seen my children during their waking hours Mon-Fri when they were younger.

My plan had been to do the school run on my non working days but WFH post pandemic has cut out my commute most days so I have stretched my hours across an extra day like a PP and can be there to collect for 4 days

DontTellThemYourNamePike · 14/01/2022 09:34

@black2black I'm sorry your social anxiety makes these situations so difficult. I hope the reality of the school run will be less stressful for you than the thought of it. That was certainly my experience.

black2black · 14/01/2022 09:37

[quote DontTellThemYourNamePike]@black2black I'm sorry your social anxiety makes these situations so difficult. I hope the reality of the school run will be less stressful for you than the thought of it. That was certainly my experience.[/quote]
Thank you. Did you have the same fears about it?

RedCandyApple · 14/01/2022 09:44

There’s been two threads on here today and yesterday one where a mum is judged for driving her child to school and another because a mum walks to school and her child eats a packet of crisps on the way. And people seriously don’t think some schools are unpleasant?! These are just two examples in 24 hours so all the people saying “no one is judging you” are wrong