To have never really done the school run?

[Veeveeoxox]

DD is 8 and in Year 4 for the first time in a long time I am picking her up directly from school. She goes to breakfast club at the local nursery and then after school club they pick her up and drop her off. I love it as there's no waiting for the teacher and no parents there either, my social anxiety loves it. Even if I'm off work I still take her to breakfast club and after-school club I just pick her up earlier. Does anyone else do this just because they loathe the school run ?

I really like the school run - I mean I just drop my kids off, have a brief chat with parents I know if we happen to be waiting around or leaving at the same time. I like collecting my kids, getting a cuddle and hearing about their day.

There are some people who seem to deliberately get there 10-15 mins early so they can chat to each other - that I don’t get personally, but they’re all nice folk, a lot have younger ones in pushchairs and I suspect they’re just wanting to have an adult conversation for a bit, which is fair enough!

It’s really sad that so many people seem to find it such an ordeal.

@black2black I felt very similar to how you describe, yes. I always get myself into a state by thinking about things in advance and completely relate to the fact that you're worrying now, even though your child doesn't start school until September. It's great that you're seeing a counsellor though and I hope it helps. I have had some counselling over the years, but never we never specifically explored my social anxiety. I never even told the psychologist how social situations made me feel, as I felt a bit foolish - which is ridiculous, but kind of fits in with my tendency not to open up!

I found the school run ok, once I realised there were no expectations of me. I have noticed plenty of other parents/grandparents who prefer to keep themselves to themselves and who are happy with a quick hello. There are a couple of lovely people I have a bit of a chat with from time to time, which is quite a big deal for me!

I hope it all goes ok for you. Don't let the worry ruin your summer

Oops, threw an extra 'never' in there!!

@RedCandyApple

There’s been two threads on here today and yesterday one where a mum is judged for driving her child to school and another because a mum walks to school and her child eats a packet of crisps on the way. And people seriously don’t think some schools are unpleasant?! These are just two examples in 24 hours so all the people saying “no one is judging you” are wrong

From what I remember of the bit I read, the vast majority of replies said 'Mind your own beeswax', and bolstered the general impression I've had from the three schools in two countries with which I've had experience on the school run -- that the majority of people are neutral/concerned with their own children and/or dropping and running or friendly.

I think most people wonder about the effect on yourself, or convenience for you, and the effect on your child/children. Most of the time there is nothing that will swing the pendulum too far off the centre, but sometimes that changes.

The effect on me or DH is that going to breakfast club in particular keeps a 15 minute commute at 15 minutes (or under), which can fit with a manageable work start. Leave any later than 8.20 and the traffic and buses are much more delayed and stressful, which means maybe being slightly late for school and definitely being very late for work. On the plus side, breakfast at the club is v appealing to DD.

Effect on the child though - there were points when DD went to the only after school club that served the school (again, not served by any childminders). While there were others of her age group there, this was ok, although she didn't love it. After a couple of years she was the oldest with a group of much littler ones. I couldn't easily make other arrangements or I would already have done so earlier in her school life, but she really didn't enjoy that. The after school activities in sport and music etc would have been preferable and more in line with her actual friends, but finished around 4.15, 4.30, so just weren't covering the needs for working hours, and would change evenings each year, and sometimes during a year. A kind of day to day solution would be felt out, often with a 'I only need 30 minutes on this day, but there's no getting that,' but never anything consistent or ideal. For anyone wondering about school runs - as short a trip there and back as possible is a good thing to look at, if you can.

I do school pickup 3 times a week for my 10yr old DGD . I hate it . Car parking is a big problem and I'm disabled so because it's so difficult to find a parking place I go to the school a full hour before she's due out . I take my kindle and read but I'd prefer to be at home .
The good thing I've only do the school run for another 18 months and then she's off to high school. Can't wait .

I’m not unsympathetic but if your anxiety is so bad that you can’t do a perfectly normal thing like picking up your child from school, then you need to get it treated.

Redcandyapple, I've never felt judged on the school run

No one is saying you felt judged?! Simply pointing out that some people do judge on the school run so it’s not hard to believe that some people do experience judgement looks/comments on the school run.

Basically just because you haven’t been judged don’t mean it doesn’t happen. Literally two judgey school run threads yesterday.

It's not npleasnt to want clean air and safer streets near your kids school

@Woofwoofbarkbark

*Why? They’re all in the same place doing the same things. Some children are lucked up from school and then are stuck in front of the tv/iPad, with minimum interaction until dinner and then bed. Just because parents pick a child up early doesn’t mean they’re better parents or that the child has a better life, you know.*

I love the, you know, at the end. No, I had no idea. I thought all kids were so well cared for? Don't be so silly. My opinion is that it's nice to spend time with my kids after school and I think it's sad that other parents Don't. I'm sure people think it's sad that I would spend so much time with my kids and not working. No offence needs to be taken.

It wasn’t clear from your post that you actually knew. Why make the silly point then?

@black2black

I have social anxiety and I’m actually dreading the school run already and my DS doesn’t start until September. I do see a counsellor and we are looking to address this. I hope she can help me as I love my DS more than anything and don’t want my mental health to be destroyed from the anxiety of worrying what other people think of me as I go twice a day.

I like what someone else said that no one is that bothered about you, you’re not that important. That’s the thing with SA, it feels everyone it’s watching and is aware how fucking awkward you look and all talking about it after you’ve gone. I hope I can get over this and have a not giving a shit attitude.

@black2black

I think you can move on from social anxiety, definitely

I used to think people were noticing me, laughing at me etc. It was horrible. Over time, I have become more confident and now realise that (1) most people aren't paying attention (2) even if they are, it doesn't matter what they think

Have you tried eg park run? Good for physical and mental health. And you'll soon realise that everyone's just doing their own thing, honestly not fussed about who is faster or slower than them. And yes, you might be the slowest runner and yes people might be waiting for you to finish so they can tidy up BUT someone has to be the slowest, and the sun still comes up the next morning

I’m a student and on full time placement, I love doing the school run on the odd days I now can. My five year olds face when it’s me there rather than the childminder, shows how delighted he is. I hate the thought of being full time when I qualify this year and am hoping I can work from home so I can pick him up a few days a week at least.

This is the first time I've done it in ages as we've moved but I'm quite enjoying it. I WFH and it's a break in the day to get up, go for a walk and say hi to a couple of people if I feel like it.

Equally, if you don't like it and have made other arrangements then that's great that you've got a routine that works for you.

@21Roosk
I am in a senior role but I wouldn't nip out of work half way through the day to pick up my kids.
I work from home a couple of days but again my kids go to a childminder as I'm usually in meetings in the afternoon and wouldn't be able to get much done with kids in the house. Depends what kind of job you do I suppose.
@morechocolateneededtoday I don't see much of my children Mon to Fri but I'm sure that's the case for a lot of working parents.