To have never really done the school run?

[Veeveeoxox]

DD is 8 and in Year 4 for the first time in a long time I am picking her up directly from school. She goes to breakfast club at the local nursery and then after school club they pick her up and drop her off. I love it as there's no waiting for the teacher and no parents there either, my social anxiety loves it. Even if I'm off work I still take her to breakfast club and after-school club I just pick her up earlier. Does anyone else do this just because they loathe the school run ?

I used to feel like this but now it doesn't bother me do much. Its just part of life with children. I sometimes talk to someone i know there but often don't or maybe just a passing hello. I dont go too early at pick up either, so there's less time to feel awkward.

@TheOccupier

YABU to unnecessarily give your DD a longer day at school for this reason. Why is the school run such a THING for some women? How is it different to commuting to work or going to the supermarket or any of the other small routine missions of normal life?

I also have social anxiety. It’s so much worse because tou don’t know what to do for the best. Don’t speak to anyone? You feel lonely and left out. Speak to someone? You may feel awkward or you may feel the conversation went well. You go the next day and the mum you spoke to yesterday just smiles at you and goes and talks to someone else. You think “what did I do wrong? I failed at being social again”.

This is what social anxiety is like, trying to fit in all the time and thinking there’s something wrong with you if you don’t or perceive you don’t.

Like most schools I know, there is a 15 min window to get children into their classroom so if you arrive in that 15 mins you go straight in, drop in classroom, say goodbye and out.. No awkwardness, no time to small talk. If you see someone you know outside maybe you want to stop and chat afterwards and if not, walk briskly home. 🤷‍♀️

I think too much is often read into the fact that some parents chat and seem to ignore others. Some of the parents are genuine friends and I would guess that 95% of them aren’t being rude.

I don't understand.
I go. Drop. Collect.
Don't talk to anybody as I don't know them and don't need to.
Go home.
10 minutes out of my day.

Honestly, I really don't understand all the anxiety.

I like the school run and chatting to the other parents, it's the days I have to drive to get to work after that stresses me because of the parking situation. There are always people blocking roads and just driving in an inconsiderate way so it makes it hard to drive around to find a space. Then there are the idiots who stop on the yellow zigzags because they will 'just be 5 mins' and are late. The days I walk are pretty chilled!

@Inastatus

I think it’s sad that your DD still has to do breakfast club and after school club even when you are off work just because you cant face picking her up.

This. Maybe she would like more time with you or to go into school with everyone else sometimes.

My mum was like you. She used to wait in an adjoining street as she "didn't like" the school gates. My sibling and I would get a rollicking if we were out late, even if this wasn't our fault, as she then had to face the other parents who by then had caught up. Even as an 8 year old I knew this was selfish and unfair. You don't want your dd to pick up on this and she will at some point

One child goes to wrap around and I drop the other off.
I’ve never felt the need to make small talk.
I’ve anyways dropped and ran. Hanging around before doors opened in the beginning was not enjoyable though so I quickly learned to tone it so we were not stood waiting.

I see people get to the school gate 20/30mins before school starts. I find it baffling.

I see people get to the school gate 20/30mins before school starts. I find it baffling*

They're probably people who want to have a chat with others. Everyone's different.

What do people think happens at wrap around school clubs?
Children get to play various games with their friends. Why is it “sad”? That’s such a weird view.

@NerrSnerr

* I see people get to the school gate 20/30mins before school starts. I find it baffling*

They're probably people who want to have a chat with others. Everyone's different.

They’re usually stood there on their own with their children while I drop mine off for wrap around so they’re probably joined later by chatting friends that I just don’t see. You’re right.

My kids didn't like school clubs

I like the school run, good to see people, chat to teachers, love the community feel. It’s a small rural school though, so not sure I’d feel the same if it was in a town and there were parking issues and enough parents to form the cliques I read about on Mumsnet!

DS loves breakfast and after school clubs. Gets to play with all his pals.
Gets to make friends with people in different year groups.

Gets to choose his breakfast and snacks.

Gets lots of different activities (crafts, outside sports) and to play on the Xbox (we don’t have one at home) . He gets very annoyed if we pick him up early

I have never experienced any hostility luckily, all the parents just seen to queue and wait for their children. Sometimes people exchange pleasantries or smile to the parents in front/behind if they happen to catch their eye or have a chat if they see friends. I can't say it's any different to any other queue in a shop etc. There is no vibe, everyone is just waiting! The worst anyone could be accused of really is disinterest.
I'm interested in what hostile behaviour people have encountered.

My kids got annoyed uf I put them in after school club

I absolutely loved picking ds up from school.
It was the High light of my day.
I only lived about a 5 - 10 min walk away.
I was well passed feeling insecure about not being in any 'clicks' at the school gate.
It was about me and my ds

@Robin233

I absolutely loved picking ds up from school. It was the High light of my day. I only lived about a 5 - 10 min walk away. I was well passed feeling insecure about not being in any 'clicks' at the school gate. It was about me and my ds

How do you get over that? I think it takes me back to my school days when I never fitted in and was bullied by other girls

Love to but breakfast club and afterschool club would cost around £75 ( that's over £320 a week just for one kid. No way I could afford it. I survive with a mix of headphones and timing it to the last second to drop off/pick up even though I do have some Mum friends. I'm usually rushing to get back to WFH anyway.

This is when I am eternally grateful I live in a parallel universe to most of MN. Parent's of DC's classmates are all normal people like us who I am happy to speak to if they happen to open the gates late. We also go out for dinner together every few months.

I'll admit, I would like the school run a lot less if it involved driving in traffic and struggling for parking but fortunately it is just a 5 minute walk. Nothing compares to the excitement on their face when they see you are there waiting for them, telling you about their day on the journey home. I consider myself very lucky to be able to go for most of the week

I see people get to the school gate 20/30mins before school starts. I find it baffling.

They do this at my kids school, dds school finishes at 3.20 but I collect dd at 3 and the pavement is always still packed full of parents waiting 20+ minutes for the gates to open to collect their kids, as they are usually already there before I get to the gate at 3, I really don’t get it I couldn’t imagine coming to the school that early to stand outside for 20/30 mins, always the same faces everyday and no they aren’t picking up their kids early as well as they never do...
Never see their kids come out. Sometimes dd comes out late so I can see they aren’t also waiting to pick their kids up early. I wouldn’t mind so much but it’s the fact they take up the whole front gate so when I get there I have no where to stand when they aren’t even getting their kids they could stand out of the way/across the road. They're not there to chat either as they are always stood alone not talking to anyone.

I have found this thread so helpful because what it really clarifies for me is why I find the school run brilliant and also a bit challenging.

There are no etiquette rules! Some people just drop and run, some have a chat, some only say hello to people they know and some greet everyone with a kid in the same class / year group.

I'm used to an office environment where it would be unthinkable to only greet your mates and seen as very bad form to be exclusionary / cliquey. I think that's why I was a bit taken aback by the folk who blank and ignore.

Still - all very interesting and in the scheme of things a short term issue.

@pinkiepiee
Yes - you're out it into words.
It's baffling but once you make peace with it - you're fine.

DH did morning drop offs as I worked compressed hours and started work really early so I could collect from school. So my school run was pick up time. I made two really good long-standing friends our dc were 5 when they met and are now 20. I still see other Mums from that time and exchange a few pleasantries. There three of us all had one child so we let the dc play for a while on the school playing field for about 30 mins after school quite often, other children and parents sometimes joined, it was really nice.

I think MN attracts a very large proportion of people with social anxiety as it’s a sort of social interaction with no consequences and anonymous. I’m on here quite a bit as I’m retired now but mainly because of the pandemic as I’m CV so have too much time on my hands currently.

I'm used to an office environment where it would be unthinkable to only greet your mates and seen as very bad form to be exclusionary / cliquey. I think that's why I was a bit taken aback by the folk who blank and ignore.

Me too - and not just my work environment, my entire upbringing requires me not to blank people I see every day, so it came as a shock that all rules are suspended on the school run. I still find it very odd, but I've come to accept it now, and I can stand placidly next to a class parent I've been seeing every school day for 2 years and not feel like I have to acknowledge them at all if I've never got any response in the past.