AIBU Friend is refusing to attend DD's Christening

[LouBan]

My DD has just turned two and we are finally getting her dedicated (just like a Christening but without water). We would have done it soon after she was born but had to put things on hold due to Covid. We have chosen to invite just family, godparents and one other close friend who is almost like family. He is not a Christian and doesn't like the idea of church at all but we have been to weddings and a funeral with him, all were which in churches and he seemed fine. Ever since our DD was born he has said he would come to her dedication even though he doesn't like church. Now 10 days before, he has let us know by text that he's not coming without giving a reason. AiBU to be upset? We are asking him to be part of something that is really special to us but it is for us and our DD, not him, and as a friend I think he should respect that we want to do this at our church. All he has to do is sit through one church service (No one is going to check if he's singing the hymns or joining in the prayers) and join us for lunch afterwards. I don't think this is a lot to ask. AIBU?

Sometimes people go through personal things in life and don't actually owe anyone an explanation so he may not be up to attending your occasion. If otherwise he's a good friend just let it go, he may eventually open up later on on why he didn't attend.

If one of my friends had promised to come to an event, then cancelled by text without giving a reason I'd be a bit worried about them. Have you actually asked him if he's OK, OP?

YABU to be annoyed with him when you don't even know why he isn't coming.

How is he refusing to come? He hasn’t given a reason but you are assuming he is refusing to come based on religion.

Yabu.

You don’t know why he isn’t going. He’s your friend, ask him!

Why are you so desperate for your friend to attend as he clearly doesn't want to? . Leave him alone and get on with whatever hocus pocus makes you happy. Not everyone can be arsed with this stuff.

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Arse, wrong thread

I won't attend christenings/dedications/whatever.

I strongly believe that children should be allowed to choose for themselves whether they want to be part of a religion. I resent my own totally unwanted baptism and obviously my own children have never been subjected to it.

The established church uses "social" baptisms to claim a large following which it doesn't actually have as a reason to justify the bishops in the legislature and their influence on the laws of the land.

@aSofaNearYou
I wouldn't expect anyone to 'suck it up because it is important to me.' We had friends that did not attend our daughters' christenings and we are still great friends now. It's not an issue.

This issue is really isn't even about christenings, ultimately, it seems to be about friends being able to communicate with each other and say when they're uncomfortable. It's unclear to me whether the friend decided to 'ghost' the situation instead of tackling it head on or if the OP just didn't want to listen to his concerns. He should never have accepted in the first place but it sounds like the whole situation got really toxic.

[quote OVienna]@aSofaNearYou
I wouldn't expect anyone to 'suck it up because it is important to me.' We had friends that did not attend our daughters' christenings and we are still great friends now. It's not an issue.

This issue is really isn't even about christenings, ultimately, it seems to be about friends being able to communicate with each other and say when they're uncomfortable. It's unclear to me whether the friend decided to 'ghost' the situation instead of tackling it head on or if the OP just didn't want to listen to his concerns. He should never have accepted in the first place but it sounds like the whole situation got really toxic.[/quote]
Possibly, yes, though I think it's quite probable that he accepted the invite on a more casual level than OP meant it (being a non believer) and now something personal has come up, rather than that he's now saying no because he objects. It could eveb be a Covid thing.

@aSofaNearYou
The OP says he's been asked to do something. I think if her DH is training to be a vicar the guy probably knows this is really important to them. She also mentions several times he's said he was uncomfortable but 'would come anyway.' Anyway - not sure the OP will come back after all of these posts to say if she's found out otherwise!

[quote OVienna]@aSofaNearYou
The OP says he's been asked to do something. I think if her DH is training to be a vicar the guy probably knows this is really important to them. She also mentions several times he's said he was uncomfortable but 'would come anyway.' Anyway - not sure the OP will come back after all of these posts to say if she's found out otherwise![/quote]
No I know that, I just mean I personally think it's more likely something has come up that's made him not want to come rather than it just being his atheism, or he'd have surely said no in the first place.

@Buttons294749

Yanbu. But him not coming is not really a big deal

Some of my thoughts-

• For all if my children's parties i really dont mind if non family members just dont wsnt to come as kids can be annoying and boring (even my little angels haha)
• It's quite lazy of him to not give a reason, he clearly isnt that much of a friend if he cant give an excuse.
• it doesnt really matter about him not being there, even if it feels like rejection now it's not a big deal.
• my muslim friends came to my kids' baptisms and i have gone to many events that don't align with my religious views. My friendship group is very chilled though so i probably wouldn't grow close to someone who wasnt as chill as we are.

You can be "chilled" and still not want to go to a Christening.

I guess we hsve diffent ways we interact with friends tben :)