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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate villages?

225 replies

AllThePogs · 11/01/2022 17:35

The gossiping, nosiness, judgement of others - it is all there. And if you don't fit in, then beware.
I say this from experience. A beautiful looking village in East Sussex that some people will see as the dream. Instead, all I experienced was extreme gossip, racism and narrow-mindedness.

OP posts:
Abracadabra12345 · 12/01/2022 15:41

@SD25

This is why I love the anonymity of the city.
Me too. I couldn’t bear for everyone to know my business and my comings and goings. I don’t need “community”, I have friends. I was brought up in a village and when I moved to London, I felt I could properly be myself for the first time
Wombles95 · 12/01/2022 15:44

@AllThePogs

The gossiping, nosiness, judgement of others - it is all there. And if you don't fit in, then beware. I say this from experience. A beautiful looking village in East Sussex that some people will see as the dream. Instead, all I experienced was extreme gossip, racism and narrow-mindedness.
If I had to guess I’d say it was Mayfield in East Sussex where your experienced this? I grew up there and it definitely gave off those vibes for me.
sleepismyhobby · 12/01/2022 15:57

I live in a great little village I walk to work and primary school my eldest ds gets a school bus to high school. We do have to drive to shops as no local shop but it's 10 mins in the car. I have great neighbors. Of course there will always be a clique but they make no difference to my life I'm
Happy as I am . I've lived in cities as well but I'm most at home in the lovely little village

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2022 16:11

Well, I thought I was perfectly reasonable not to expect ethnic slurs when I moved to a village, and I’m not sure what it is the villagers may have been ‘protecting’ from me — the right to make ethnic slurs unchallenged at bowls night at the pub? Not to have resident foreigners’ children in the village school? Not to have the Guardian stocked in the post office?

This. Notice how several posts like that one seem to miss the major factor that OP mentioned they were experiencing racism which most would not like to when moving to a new place.

PurpleRainlnTheSky · 12/01/2022 18:00

@Sammysquiz

What exactly is the point of this thread? I live in a great village and love it, but I would never be so rude to insinuate that it’s terrible to live in a city, knowing that large numbers of you do exactly that. Villages are all different. Cities are all different. People like different things. Someone in a post above said that a village is no place to raise a child - can’t you see how that sounds to the millions of us who are doing exactly that?

Exactly this. This is such a rude, nasty, sneery thread. And people are deluded if they think villages have much more racism than towns and cities ... As I said, the towns I have lived in had for more bigotry and racism that the village I live in. And in the cities, no-one gives a shit about anyone else. Especially down south. (The north is more friendly in general.)

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2022 18:28

Exactly this. This is such a rude, nasty, sneery thread. And people are deluded if they think villages have much more racism than towns and cities ... As I said, the towns I have lived in had for more bigotry and racism that the village I live in. And in the cities, no-one gives a shit about anyone else. Especially down south. (The north is more friendly in general.)

How is your comment any better when you’re doing the same thing?

EightWheelGirl · 12/01/2022 22:48

I'm not convinced that villages have more racism, but I absolutely get a frostier response on the whole when I park my huge truck outside the village shop and pop in for a sandwich wearing my high vis. Nobody raises an eyebrow at a Sainsbury Local in a suburban or built up area.

StoneofDestiny · 12/01/2022 22:59

I've lived in cities, towns and villages all across the uk. There are pros and cons of all, but I'd say the least attractive places were towns - none of the advantages of cities or villages.

Some of the villages mentioned here sound quite bizarre - but my ideal villages have been the ones that could star Miss Marple or Midsomer Murders - small, good pub, village activities etc. They are usually ones were 'incomers' have settled (I've been called that so often in every village) as they bring new life, new ideas and great active social scenes.

I'm a city girl at heart - it's in the blood - but villages are far less stressful to live in (though clearly not some of the ones mentioned here).

Charley50 · 14/01/2022 06:47

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Isn’t London supposed to be a collection of villages?
It kind of still is, in some parts, yes. Where I live in London has a lot of community-led activity. Our local tiny shopping street won Best High street award, not for the shops, but because of the little park locals built from nothing (amongst other things). I got on with my old neighbours, and now my new neighbours. That's not unusual in London at all. It's very diverse in terms of all sorts of ethnic backgrounds, not just one.
Threecouldbefour · 14/01/2022 06:57

Haven't read whole thread but you ANBU. We moved from a town to a village several years ago, one in Hampshire and my God I would not aim for a village again. There was a set of families who thought they owned it and the local pub, whilst admittedly pretty, was similarly cliquey and if your face didn't fit you'd know about it. Village school was also extremely inward facing with definite 'favourite' families. We moved back into the town when we sold our house. There's plenty of community but without the cliquiness.

sleaf · 14/01/2022 15:09

@Threecouldbefour sounds a lot like my experience again in Hampshire. Was it or near the New Forest?

Original poster
AllThePogs · 14/01/2022 15:20

Someone on here actually named the village and found it exactly the same as I did.

OP posts:
lololololollll · 14/01/2022 15:49

@Tal45

YABU to hate villages IMO. I find cities souless and hate them, I never even knew my next door neighbour when I lived in London (in a few different places). In my village I not only know next door but everyone in my street and the next one by name. I find they can be very parochial though which is frustrating.......it's sounds like your problems may unfortunately be down to racism OP. I'm sorry you had such a shitty experience but (I hope) not every village would be the same.
Isn't that more about you and your neighbour tho? I've known my neighbours in all my London homes. Bloody love a city, I also love visiting a village tho, so quaint
Original poster
AllThePogs · 14/01/2022 15:51

I have never lived somewhere where I don't know my neighbours.

OP posts:
Toomuch2do · 14/01/2022 15:56

You hate ALL villages…and YOU are complaining about narrow mindedness GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
AllThePogs · 14/01/2022 16:00

Yeah - not all villages Grin

OP posts:
Threecouldbefour · 14/01/2022 16:21

[quote sleaf]@Threecouldbefour sounds a lot like my experience again in Hampshire. Was it or near the New Forest?[/quote]
It wasn't that near The New Forest - halfway between Guildford and Portsmouth. Very twee and insular. I'm sure they're not all like that but it didn't make me want to live in one again!

blyn72 · 02/02/2022 21:00

There are villages in the London area, I live up the road from one and it is really pleasant, picturesque and charming but not gossipy. I think little, country villages are quite insular, everyone knows everyone else and I wouldn't like that one bit, I'm a very private person.

CMZ2018 · 02/02/2022 23:10

Don’t live in one then

WalkingOnTheCracks · 05/02/2022 21:34

Can't bear them. Everyone knows everyone. No privacy. Nothing to do. Too much nature. Trees wandering about completely unsupervised. No proper streetlighting - I mean, it's really dark at night, the countryside. Horrible. No taxis. No public transport. One pub, with the same people in it every night. Lousy wifi. And bloody fetes. And cricket. And Christmas drinks at the Crotchly-Parkham's.

Give me the noisy, chaotic anonymity of a city any day.

lllllllllll · 05/02/2022 21:39

This is why I love London. You can be good friends with your neighbours (as I am) or keep yourself to yourself, and nobody judges.

Mydaynow · 27/05/2025 00:22

Why is there so many ruling pensioners in a Village and why don’t they understand that people have freedom “well it is the countryside.

pantaloonie · 10/06/2025 08:31

lllllllllll · 05/02/2022 21:39

This is why I love London. You can be good friends with your neighbours (as I am) or keep yourself to yourself, and nobody judges.

London, aside from the attractions, is a fucking dump.

hididdlyho · 10/06/2025 09:01

Depends on the city or village surely? I grew up in a very rural large village not near any cities and now live in a semi rural village next to a city. Where I live now, I'm not really involved in 'community life' and gossip beyond saying hello to neighbours and people I recognise from walking my dogs. It has the benefit of being a lot quieter than the city and has less crime and people passed out in piles of vomit on the pavements. I commute to work in the city on a Saturday and it's fucking grim, you couldn't pay me to live there. My Mum has always lived in the village I grew up and is very much involved in village life and the gossip which goes with it, that wouldn't be for me.

A580Hojas · 10/06/2025 10:16

pantaloonie · 10/06/2025 08:31

London, aside from the attractions, is a fucking dump.

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Thank you for your well informed and intelligent observation. This is why I love Mumsnet - such thoughtful, reasoned discourse.

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