To hate villages?

[AllThePogs]

The gossiping, nosiness, judgement of others - it is all there. And if you don't fit in, then beware.
I say this from experience. A beautiful looking village in East Sussex that some people will see as the dream. Instead, all I experienced was extreme gossip, racism and narrow-mindedness.

I've spent most of my life in London, including my childhood, but i fantasise about living in a village sometimes. I've always made friends with my neighbours in London though, even though I've got my own friends from childhood here (just to dispel the unfriendly Londoner myth). I might rent in a village for a year when I'm a bit older and see if it's for me.

Different villages can have quite different characters from each other. In some people are very open towards newcomers, and others less so. In some people mind their own business, in others less so.

But the idea that cities are much better as they are "diverse" is kind of bollocks and vaguely offensive. It's true villages can be more stable, they have fewer people, and they can also have less of various kinds of different people - the consequence of being stable and fewer people.

But would people seriously go to some little village in Nepal and complain that it was no good because everyone there was Nepalese, many having lived there for generations, with the attitudes of country people? People travel to those places to see such exotic diversity. It's only when it's close to them that they don't appreciate it as it's own kind of place.

Renting is a good idea.
A friend moved to a Greek village where she went on holiday a few times a year and had found the locals very friendly. She had a different experience when she lived there and came back after two years.

I live in a large village/ very very small town. Nosey and gossipy yes, but also caring, helpful and friendly. You hear back about how your DC behave when out in public (everything from 'Oh, what a lovely girl!' to 'I just ought to tell you... he crossed the road without looking, you might want to have a word...'). You can find out a bit of background on your daughter's grungy-looking new boyfriend ('Oh, I know his mum, no, he's actually ever so sweet, despite the terrible t-shirts...'). You get involved in things through word of mouth. You pick up a mystery sweatshirt at work that was brought in off the playing field, find a nametape in it, know whose it is, and drop it off with her dad next time you're passing.

Suits me fine.

Villages are fine.

But there is a big difference between Imber and Pagford. For example.

I'm with the OP. I would hate to feel I was being watched and judged, which always happens in villages.

@Maskless

I'm with the OP. I would hate to feel I was being watched and judged, which always happens in villages.

What always? I feel short changed... nobody's watching us in our village (thats been made obvious 🤔) I want my watcher!!

@Meadowblossom

You get out what you put in. Join the village hall committee or the church cleaning rota. Volunteer for the village fete. It’s the best way to feel part of the community, make friends and be accepted quickly. Are you somehow rubbing people up the wrong way? Expecting a city culture? Not respecting village culture?

Exactly this. Boils my piss it does. Like a pp said, some people move to a village from London (and other cities,) and then piss and moan when it's not like those places, and expect people to change for them!

And then they cry off and say 'wah wah wah, nobody likes me, I HATE it here. Villages are HORRID.' 😭 Everybody looks and points at me. They're just soooo cliquey and gossipy wah wah...'

If you don't like it, LEAVE. We don't want you here anyway.

@Maskless

I'm with the OP. I would hate to feel I was being watched and judged, which always happens in villages.

@Maskless

Oh yeah, because NOBODY judges anyone, and gossips, and spies on people, ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. It only happens in villages! 🙄

Jeeeezus wept!

@PurpleRainlnTheSky I'm actually thinking it's because they expect to arrive in our wee parochial villages as shiny, wonderful unicorns from gasp ...a CITY and when this doesn't happen, and when everyone goes about their day to day life, not centering them, then clearly it's everyone else who's the problem!

I think there’s a very important difference between hating villages full stop and hating the idea of village life, or a particular experience of village life. I think that’s why some of the replies have been on the defensive side.

Personally I could never live in a village. A posters on this thread described living in a ‘gossipy little village where everyone knows everyone’ as if that was the ideal; for me, it would be absolutely hell. However, that doesn’t make either of us wrong. I don’t have to want that kind of lifestyle to understand that someone else might love it.

It’s all about perception. Another poster responded to the suggestion that villages are lacking in facilities by saying her village has a pub, a Co-Op, a takeaway and an Indian. To someone used to tiny villages, that might sound like decent facilities, whereas I’m thinking ‘ONE pub? ONE takeaway?!’

I’ve got to say though, a lot of people have said you need to make the effort to fit in in a village - but have they ever tried the same in a city? Building friendships takes effort here too! If you can volunteer to help at a village fete or at the church, you can look into community initiatives, hobby groups etc.

Each to their own.

I love living in my village (though I am from the area so not an outsider).
DS goes to the lovely village school and sees his friends at the many local events.
Lots going on.
Quite a lot of services for such a small place - 2 pubs, 2 active churches, library, small theatre (above the library!), post office, small co op.

Lovely spaces, low crime and a real community feel.

@sleaf

Don't move to any of the villages around the New Forest and SO45 postcode/Waterside area - beautiful area but ruined by incredibly insular, unfriendly locals. There is a very nasty hidden undercurrent in many of the New Forest villages, especially the Waterside area. Insular, snobby and unwelcoming to 'outsiders' , as well as loads of drugs.

I lived there for several years, during which time I was verbally abused, threatened and menacingly glared at during my time there, even when simply driving down the road minding my own business..was so glad when DH's job meant we left the area.

I do miss the beautiful New Forest but not the locals.

They were also fatphobic. I was verbally abused many times about my weight. "Fatty" was often yelled at me by one particularly abusive neighbour.

It was just one of the many unpleasant things I experienced there.

[quote MichelleScarn]@PurpleRainlnTheSky I'm actually thinking it's because they expect to arrive in our wee parochial villages as shiny, wonderful unicorns from gasp ...a CITY and when this doesn't happen, and when everyone goes about their day to day life, not centering them, then clearly it's everyone else who's the problem![/quote]

@AllThePogs

I think you have to be the type that will fit into that village. So if it is largely a middle-class white village and you are middle-class and white, you will probably be fine.

I don’t think this is always true actually. I lived for a time in a small village in Suffolk. Full of farming people whose family had lived there for generations. I was a complete outsider and was never going to be one of them but they were welcoming, friendly and non-judgemental (still extremely gossipy though!) I was very happy there.

I’m ok with very big villages like @Treacletoots mentioned with facilities and preferably within 5 miles of a large town/city — beyond that they aren’t doable for me as I don’t drive

I live in a village with is almost divided in two. The "older" side is the original houses, no street lights etc with the kind of people the OP describes. The other half is the "newer" side, although I say newer, the houses were built in the 70s in a more "estate" style format and there's Street lights!

The older side definitely look down on the newer side..

@Rosewaterblossom I have come across that dynamic before. The people in the "new" houses are not "real2 villagers.

@AllThePogs

The gossiping, nosiness, judgement of others - it is all there. And if you don't fit in, then beware. I say this from experience. A beautiful looking village in East Sussex that some people will see as the dream. Instead, all I experienced was extreme gossip, racism and narrow-mindedness.

The was a guy called R W F Poole who wrote on countryside matters. He once wrote "^The only way I'd live in a village was if I owned it!""

I know someone who lives in a village where the whole village is owned by one landowner. You can only rent a house and he interviews you beforehand to judge if you are suitable for the village. Sounds awful, but the rents are relatively cheap, so people put up with it.

Op I live in a village in East staffordshire and its awful racism in full swing towards my family, my children physically hurt by the local busy body, I was even told by the shop keeper when moving in she wouldn't be paid to live in my property! The gossip is awful! I even got asked of my neighbours if my partner had always worked (because black man don't work🙄) that much of a nosy village that when I viewed my house the next door neighbours where having a look around "at the mess the previous tenants had left😳) I cannot wait to move!!

I go to a lot of different places to deliver building materials and villages are by far and away the places where I experience the most snottiness. People who 'don't like big trucks in our village' but who of course didn't have an issue when it was their house being built.

Isn’t London supposed to be a collection of villages?

Cities are worse. No one gives a shit about you. Neighbours don’t know each other. Is that better?