Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone

581 replies

Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 16:48

I don't know what the heck is going on here.

I don't live with my BF.

This morning I got a message saying: "Good morning, good luck, have fun, night night".

So I sent: "?" in reply.

These are all things he would probably text me throughout the day. I thought at first that he was being grumpy with me. I've not had a lot of time recently and this tends to be the pattern of his messages. We say morning, I say how busy I am, he says good luck, we have a chat in the evening, he says have fun (if watching a TV series or going somewhere with DD) and then we say night. I tend to only see him at the weekends. So, I thought he was being a bit sarcastic (as in sending the day's messages all in one go and maybe being a bit grumpy - as in - "this is all we ever say to each other" iyswim.

An hour later, I get this message: "POF Username39". The username was his email name. The 39 is the area we live (not in UK).

My next message was: "What are you trying to say? Are you on POF?"

I've had no response.

What the hell is going on? I know you don't have the answers, but I could do with a bit of support. I think he's about to tell me he's cheating or dumping me, or maybe the woman he's with got hold of his phone and it was her way of telling me. I tried to ring him, but he didn't answer.

I have a load of work to do tonight. I missed a deadline today because of this. I've been so upset.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 11/01/2022 17:54

I would guess the first message was for you, in a kind of arsey or at least pointed tone — and the second message was supposed to be for a woman he met on POF, but he accidentally sent that one to you as well.

mugoftea456 · 11/01/2022 17:54

How strange. Have you had any contact since then?

What comes up if you google the username ?

AllTheWeetabix · 11/01/2022 17:55

How awful OP

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 17:59

There are 7 results when I google the username with that number and they all lead to sites where I have t say I'm 18 to enter. So, that doesn't look good.

I'm broken.

OP posts:
TheChip · 11/01/2022 18:01

Withold your number and call him again to see if he answers an unknown number

Normski67 · 11/01/2022 18:01

So sorry, it’s not looking is it.

UserBot989 · 11/01/2022 18:03

@Vapeyvapevape

I think he's confirming to someone which profile is his on pof , sorry Op .
yes, and he somehow texted you! He was probably thinking hope @Mikeythecat doesn't find out about this and accidently sent it to you.

or maybe it's an old old ''friend'' and he had her number in as your number on an old phone or something. To avoid suspicion. No wait,nthat'd be her number your name. I can't figure out what he's doing.

GreekOlive · 11/01/2022 18:03

Nobody can tell you what this is all about, but I’d prepare for the worst.
I’m so sorry this is happening and I can only guess at your anxiety levels now. If it was me, I’d need to find out. Don’t give up, you deserve an explanation and the truth.

Flowers
Laiste · 11/01/2022 18:04

@TheChip

Withold your number and call him again to see if he answers an unknown number
That's a good idea OP.

I'm sorry this is happening to you Flowers
I hope that after all it resolves in a good way.

Elieza · 11/01/2022 18:06

Can you search on pof for a guy about the same age as him in your local area. Trawl through them one by one until you see his user name.

That’s free.

I’d suggest you look at guys five years younger to five years older in case he’s on there lying about his age. And widen the search to 10 miles radius. If he’s in you’ll find him that way.

If you can’t I’d be randomly turning up at his house to a)see if his phone is there or lost. And b) be looking at it to see if he’s been in pof or is there are emails etc from them in his phone

ShirleyPhallus · 11/01/2022 18:07

Really sorry op, this doesn’t sound good

HaveringWavering · 11/01/2022 18:07

I think that you’re probably right in your interpretation of the first message. Second one, who knows. But on a very basic level something is up if he’s not replying g to your messages and you have no reason to believe he’s in an all day work meeting or something. Sorry this is happening to you.

KurtWilde · 11/01/2022 18:07

Agree with PP that the first message sounds like he was being arsy about maybe not having much time for him? Maybe the POF message was for you too, like saying he could easily go back on there if he wanted..

And your update doesn't sounds good either. Sorry OP.

Purpleraspberry · 11/01/2022 18:08

As hard as it is going to be, leave it now and see what happens. If you contact him at all, leave a non-emotional text of some type which should defuse his ego trip on the offchance it is an attention stunt.

I would wait and see what happens, I.assume he knows your address so if his phone has been stolen he will get in touch. If you don't hear from him again then this morning was sadly a cruel way of ending things Flowers

SunshineCake1 · 11/01/2022 18:08

You're not broken. You're a sting woman who will get through this.

He is either being a dick or he isn't but the fact you think he's cheated doesn't look good.

Decide what you want. Then text him and let him know.

SassyGirl79 · 11/01/2022 18:11

This sounds familiar, I met my ex on POF and something just didn’t feel right after been together 2 years while living apart and I seen something on day time tv about cheats and I put his username in Google and he was on dating sites and some said the same you had to be above over 18 but I didn’t dare enter..
Also don’t forget an old feature on POF you could search people in ghost mode and that’s how I think my ex found me? as he never was in the search..
I’m sorry for you and I hope yours has a better ending than mine. I think some men are addicted to it? 💐💗

iheartredsquirrels · 11/01/2022 18:16

Dump him, sorry to be blunt but this is not a loving relationship. He's acting like a complete shit.

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 18:17

Me: Hi, why aren't you replying to me? Do you want to talk to me or not?
Him: Hi, how are you? What can I do for you?
Me: I'm not so good. Why have you been sending me unusual messages? What's going on?
Him: I'm not good either. Sorry for the messages. Have a good evening!
Me: Can you tell me what's happening, please?

Then nothing. That's it. His messages are so weird!

I'm not sodding begging him. I thought that maybe my profile is still on there or something and he's found it and that's why I can't get onto it? Because my email address is already registered or something? I thought I'd cancelled it, but maybe not. It was years ago. But say it is, it means he's been back on and seen me. I haven't been on it. I can't even get on it.

I don't know what to do next. I've got so much work to do and I'm moving and I just want to cry and cry.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 11/01/2022 18:17

I was thinking this would have a totally innocent explanation. Until your last update.

Then alarm bells started ringing. Like how much of the decision not to live together was mutual.

Are there any other red flags in your relationship?

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 18:18

Jesus. Are they all just absolute shits? I really thought he loved me.

OP posts:
Lovelymincepies · 11/01/2022 18:19

He’s ditched you and doesn’t have the balls to say it, very sorry.

Keep your dignity and do not message him again.

NoodleNuts · 11/01/2022 18:19

He is behaving very oddly, which to me does suggest that he is up to no good and realises he has been found out BUT a 7 year relationship where you only see each other at weekends doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me.

He still should do the decent thing though and end things with you before hooking up with other people.

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 11/01/2022 18:22

That phone was taken when he was with someone and hiding you

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 11/01/2022 18:22

phone call I meant, sorry

Andoffwego · 11/01/2022 18:23

His messages read as though he thinks YOU are on POF but that doesn’t make sense at all.

Swipe left for the next trending thread