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Original poster

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone

581 replies

Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 16:48

I don't know what the heck is going on here.

I don't live with my BF.

This morning I got a message saying: "Good morning, good luck, have fun, night night".

So I sent: "?" in reply.

These are all things he would probably text me throughout the day. I thought at first that he was being grumpy with me. I've not had a lot of time recently and this tends to be the pattern of his messages. We say morning, I say how busy I am, he says good luck, we have a chat in the evening, he says have fun (if watching a TV series or going somewhere with DD) and then we say night. I tend to only see him at the weekends. So, I thought he was being a bit sarcastic (as in sending the day's messages all in one go and maybe being a bit grumpy - as in - "this is all we ever say to each other" iyswim.

An hour later, I get this message: "POF Username39". The username was his email name. The 39 is the area we live (not in UK).

My next message was: "What are you trying to say? Are you on POF?"

I've had no response.

What the hell is going on? I know you don't have the answers, but I could do with a bit of support. I think he's about to tell me he's cheating or dumping me, or maybe the woman he's with got hold of his phone and it was her way of telling me. I tried to ring him, but he didn't answer.

I have a load of work to do tonight. I missed a deadline today because of this. I've been so upset.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 18:50

Next message from him:

"Nothing's happening. I'm just sad and depressed and thinking about all sorts of things and sorry and hungry and lonely."

I don't know where all this is coming from. This does sound like him now. He does have mental health issues. If he thought I'd done something wrong, he'd have said it by now. I think I've caught him out and now he's trying to make me feel sorry for him.

I wish I could get on POF. He's probably deleted everything now.

I think he was sending the message to another woman. Someone who gave him her number and then said "who's this" or something?

If he thought I was on POF, he'd have said something by now, wouldn't he?

I found one email in my email history from 2017 from POF. It was telling me about my recent "matches". It was unopened.

I don't know what to do now. I need to get my work done or I'll get the sodding sack in the morning. I feel sick.

OP posts:
PinchOfVom · 11/01/2022 18:51

I’m suspicious that he hasn’t noticed these odd texts himself

Surely everybody check their texts daily?

PinchOfVom · 11/01/2022 18:53

Omg I tried to get on POF just now (not an account holder) and my broadband has blocked it

I don’t think my husband is that bothered about these things as our kids aren’t old
Enough so I’d say it’s been hacked

PinchOfVom · 11/01/2022 18:53

You could Google his pof name?

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 11/01/2022 18:53

I think I've caught him out and now he's trying to make me feel sorry for him.

That sounds right to me. The simplest explanation is normally the correct one. The earlier weird bot-like messages were him in panic mode, flailing about how to play it.

I’m so sorry OP, how shit.

KurtWilde · 11/01/2022 18:53

Ah. It's hard to tell over text but that could either be he's sad about something he thinks you've done or he's done something and playing for sympathy. You've known him 7 years, which is it likely to be?

HaveringWavering · 11/01/2022 18:54

Surely the only response to that is that you call him and if he doesn’t answer you go round? Sod the work.

FOJN · 11/01/2022 18:55

Well, I'm not writing back to him. I need to have some dignity.

You've received some very odd messages from someone you've know for 7 years and your instinct is to preserve your dignity rather than make sure they are OK? I don't know if there is a backstory to explain why you would assume he's being an arsehole but your approach is a bit strange. I'd initially be a bit pissed off with the first messages and then concerned by the follow up. I would either go and see him or if that's not possible I would try to contact someone who could go and check on him.

TheChip · 11/01/2022 18:55

I think you're probably right, OP. Especially with the Google search results.
Focus on your work and see if he will talk like an adult tomorrow.

TracyMosby · 11/01/2022 18:57

Focus on your work. Dump
Him for wasting your precious time tomorrow. how dare he!

HaveringWavering · 11/01/2022 18:57

He has a history of MH problems and is saying he is depressed and having intrusive thoughts. Jesus, the BEST case scenario now is that he has been on POF! Surely you’d check on him just in case?

Crimsonripple · 11/01/2022 18:58

You've been together 7 years, why don't you just go round to us house?

Wagsandclaws · 11/01/2022 18:58

How odd, I agree with the poster upthread I think he is turning. This around so you feel sorry for him but he's been caught out.

I'm sorry op I have been here and it's horrid Sad

Wilma55 · 11/01/2022 18:59

Can you create a new email account (Gmail or something) and join pof on that?

wineandcheeseplease · 11/01/2022 18:59

It sounds very odd. I'd be making sure he was sokay

Dizzylizzy22 · 11/01/2022 19:00

@JugglingJanuary

Sorry, I think in a very childish way, he's trying to tell you that if things carry on like they are, he'll be back on pof.

Did you think you were both happy still not living together after 7 years? Is there a 'good' reason for this or us one if you just dragging your heels?

This makes the most sense to me
Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 19:02

He lives 40 mins away. My kids are in bed. I can't leave my mum here tonight. It's not possible. And he won't answer the phone.

He was fine on Saturday night when I went there for dinner and we had sex. He was fine all day Sunday.

There was nothing odd in his messages yesterday.

OP posts:
JollyHolly30 · 11/01/2022 19:03

You say you barely have conversation during the day and you don't ever plan to live together. How often do you actually see each other?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/01/2022 19:04

It sounds as if you don't have room or time in your life to give him the attention he wants. So I'd say the best thing for both of you would be to end the relationship.

Let him find the person he wants, and give you the peace you need.

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 19:05

We see each other at the weekends. And sometimes during the week. That's just the way it is.

OP posts:
MorkandMandy · 11/01/2022 19:05

Yeah this does feel weird. Seven years is long enough that you could have cleared this up one way or another in half an hour.

TheChip · 11/01/2022 19:06

He did mention feeling lonely in his text. That along with the pof thing. I think he wants more from you than he is currently getting and maybe doesn't know how to ask for it, especially if he knows how difficult it would be for you.

Interrobanger · 11/01/2022 19:07

Well the most likely explanation is that he is on POF and he accidentally messaged you.

I’m sure he’ll come up with some complicated bullshit t try and convince you that’s not the case though.

Up to you what you choose to believe.

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 11/01/2022 19:09

Even apart from all this weirdness, it kind of sounds like you have a super demanding life, caring for your parents and children and working, and he has … a less demanding life. And yet rather than being a source of strength for you, he apparently feels sorry for himself and maintains profiles on multiple online 18+ sites.

I feel like you deserve more tbh

BoredZelda · 11/01/2022 19:11

So many POF threads nowadays.