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Original poster

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone

581 replies

Mikeythecat · 11/01/2022 16:48

I don't know what the heck is going on here.

I don't live with my BF.

This morning I got a message saying: "Good morning, good luck, have fun, night night".

So I sent: "?" in reply.

These are all things he would probably text me throughout the day. I thought at first that he was being grumpy with me. I've not had a lot of time recently and this tends to be the pattern of his messages. We say morning, I say how busy I am, he says good luck, we have a chat in the evening, he says have fun (if watching a TV series or going somewhere with DD) and then we say night. I tend to only see him at the weekends. So, I thought he was being a bit sarcastic (as in sending the day's messages all in one go and maybe being a bit grumpy - as in - "this is all we ever say to each other" iyswim.

An hour later, I get this message: "POF Username39". The username was his email name. The 39 is the area we live (not in UK).

My next message was: "What are you trying to say? Are you on POF?"

I've had no response.

What the hell is going on? I know you don't have the answers, but I could do with a bit of support. I think he's about to tell me he's cheating or dumping me, or maybe the woman he's with got hold of his phone and it was her way of telling me. I tried to ring him, but he didn't answer.

I have a load of work to do tonight. I missed a deadline today because of this. I've been so upset.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Justilou1 · 14/01/2022 03:29

Oh, here’s my Kitty…. (She acts like one, anyway… especially the “I wanna go outside now —Let me in.” Game

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone
Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone
Justilou1 · 14/01/2022 03:30

Black cat is not mine. No idea where that came from!

TopCatsTopHat · 14/01/2022 06:07

Glad you feel empowered op. You're a fab lady and I hope your next chapter reinforces that knowledge for you. We never know when love will come or go which is crap but all the more reason to build your life in the image you want as best as you can. I think this guy would have had problems even if you lived together. He sounds emotionally immature and actually if you lived together maybe it would have ended sooner as he would have leaned on you emotionally more, I think you would have ended up carrying him, which as you know from your previous partner is no fun. So I think you've had the best run possible with this particular person.

verytiredofbeingshoutedat · 14/01/2022 07:34

Good for you OP

Sounds like you've felt heartened by the support you've received on here.

I'm also glad that other PPs responded on your behalf to the PP who made such an illinformed judgy post (and doubled down!) . I despair sometimes when people get wrong end of stick and pontificate unkindly & irrelevantly!

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 14/01/2022 08:09

That's a fine-looking cat, @Myshitisreal What a beaut! I think he knows he's handsome. He looks very pleased with himself in the second pic! :-)

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 14/01/2022 09:17

Op, he sounds like my ex. Same thing - went on POF 'to see what else was out there' because I'd given him an ultimatum to shake up or ship out because I caught him stealing my son's adhd medication. He even broken into my car and caused other damage too.

You're coping with it far better than I did but you're not alone and you're not going mad!

Alcemeg · 14/01/2022 09:21

@Justilou1

Black cat is not mine. No idea where that came from!
from the Twilight Zone... 👻
whynotwhatknot · 14/01/2022 13:46

ooh cats more please

You sound great op and i hope the charity shop goes well

AcrossthePond55 · 14/01/2022 14:31

I think your life sounds hectic, stressful, and WONDERFUL. You are surrounded by loved ones (including the non-human variety) in a 'well loved' home. You are loved, needed, and busy. Isn't that what most of us aim for? You really need to think about what he actually adds to your lovely menagerie AND to your inner 'self', that sense of strength and well being that persists even in times of stress and difficulty.

At this point I think the best thing for you to do is ask him for some space. You need peace and some time to think things through. Ask him to not contact you in any way for, say, two weeks (or longer). This serves more than one purpose. It enables you to see, feel, and taste the peace in your life without him in it. It enables you to truly evaluate the relationship from a distance without him distracting you with platitudes and avowals of love, his 'loneliness', or 'future plans'. It also serves to see how much he listens to your needs and respects your requests. Because if he argues about it or refuses to abide by it, then you'll know that he does not consider you to be an 'equal', but someone there to serve his needs above her own.

I know this sounds harsh, but his mental health needs are not your responsibility. IF he is having MH issues, you are not qualified to 'fix' them and for him to put that on you (consciously or unconsciously) is cruel and unfair. Point him in the right directions for help by all means, but tell him that it is up to him to follow through. But that if he chooses not to, the results of that decision is all on him.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 14/01/2022 18:06

@VelvetChairGirl

People with depression, turn cold and illogical and make no sense then claim woe is me, they flip between sorry and defensive attacking, they can be silent for ages and cryptic.

theres forums full of people trying to get their heads around their behaviour such as out of the fog.

Was I the only one that found this offensive?

I get the impression that you've been "settling" @Mikeythecat, and think you could do far better.

SunshineCake1 · 14/01/2022 18:58

It's not for you to help him so give up in the guilt.

He hopes you can see how beautiful you are is patronising shit aka please ignore I went on a dating site then tried to rub your nose in it so you'd panic and give me everything I demanded.

Momicrone · 14/01/2022 19:37

Your house sounds amazing, good luck!

Missusblusky1 · 15/01/2022 22:24

Hi op, how are you doing today?

ladyjadie · 15/01/2022 22:25

Nothing much to add that these other fine mners (minus the one) haven’t already said OP but I hope you know you’re amazing, such a caring, golden-hearted woman is far too good for someone as tone-deaf and selfish as him!
Here’s my little one-eyed wonder, Winky 🥰

Weird message sent from boyfriend's phone
TopCatsTopHat · 16/01/2022 17:42

Best cat photo ever! Winky! hahahaha love it!

JedEye · 16/01/2022 23:09

Winky Grin

RobertsRadio · 17/01/2022 14:43

Winky is adorable, and I say that as someone who really prefers dogs.

ladyjadie · 19/01/2022 04:56

Thanks guys Grin she’s a feisty little lady for sure!
How’re you doing OP? I hope you and your family are all great!

Original poster
Mikeythecat · 19/01/2022 21:55

Great cat pics!

I've been keeping my distance. He keeps saying how much he loves me. He mentioned wanting to jump out of the window at one point. I've just kept things distant, but polite.

I read up about grey rocking. It's all happened at a good time because we're all so busy setting up the new shop.

I do still feel very very sad though. He's upped his game big time. Sending photos of the cat and asking me what presents I want and how I am (ten times a day) and how worried he is and he can't breathe. All that. It doesn't help.

I don't think he's going to give up, but I definitely need a good long break.

The stress has been ridiculous! I thought I had gallstones last night. Awful, awful pain for three hours. It turns out it was just trapped wind (I assume... because I felt completely normal this morning). But I think I was so wound up about him and thinking about it all evening that I made it worse and got panicky.

Anyway, I'll be alright! I still haven't told my family though.

OP posts:
Zeldahilda123 · 20/01/2022 07:38

Hi op, I have been reading your thread from the beginning and I’m concerned about your boyfriends behaviour, especially now when you’ve started to pull away slightly. Please read my thread “how do horrid men attract nice women” (sorry don’t know how to link) on the relationships board.

At first he sounded a bit immature but now he seems a bit unhinged, and it’s clear it’s starting affecting you to the point of feeling ill. I hope you do come to the conclusion that this is not normal behaviour, at the very least you deserve better. I often say to people imagine if a friend was telling you the same thing about her boyfriend, what would you think? All this jumping out the window, can’t breathe, smacks of emotional blackmail Sad

Also, I think you need to start telling people in real life, before it escalates, sounds like you have enough on your plate to be dealing with other than trying to stop him doing something stupid…

TheChip · 20/01/2022 07:43

He sounds like a nightmare that you just don't need, OP.
Have you told him that it's over? Or is it just a break you're after?
Either way, he really should be respecting whichever you're wanting to do and he clearly is not.

If he is hounding you daily, I'd bypass grey rock and head straight for block. If he continues by other means, then police.

Opus17 · 20/01/2022 07:57

Hi op, I'm so sorry to hear you've been dealing with a lot of stress from him. It's completely unfair to play with your feelings like that originally and then basically pressurise you into forgiving him. You need to have space and he needs to respect that. He's not respecting that and in doing so, he's being ridiculously selfish and not respecting you.

It's so difficult when you're emotionally involved as everything looks so different but please don't lose sight of the fact you don't deserve and are better than this.

TellingBone · 20/01/2022 10:04

I think you need to now say, 'Stop contacting me' so that it's clear

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 20/01/2022 10:09

@Mikeythecat

Great cat pics!

I've been keeping my distance. He keeps saying how much he loves me. He mentioned wanting to jump out of the window at one point. I've just kept things distant, but polite.

I read up about grey rocking. It's all happened at a good time because we're all so busy setting up the new shop.

I do still feel very very sad though. He's upped his game big time. Sending photos of the cat and asking me what presents I want and how I am (ten times a day) and how worried he is and he can't breathe. All that. It doesn't help.

I don't think he's going to give up, but I definitely need a good long break.

The stress has been ridiculous! I thought I had gallstones last night. Awful, awful pain for three hours. It turns out it was just trapped wind (I assume... because I felt completely normal this morning). But I think I was so wound up about him and thinking about it all evening that I made it worse and got panicky.

Anyway, I'll be alright! I still haven't told my family though.

Remember this started because he was shopping for another woman online, possibly having flings. That want reasonable behaviour on his part and you were quite right to step away.

You should ask him to stop contacting you, and tell family and friends that you've separated due to him cheating. It really will be easier if people know. He's using that gap to try to make you feel sorry for him and take him back. You deserve better than a lying cheat.

whynotwhatknot · 20/01/2022 12:28

You definitely need to stop replying to him even in a polite way theres nothing to be said- if you keep contact he will think he has a chance of getting you back