Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have your parents become funny about childcare since covid?

308 replies

Longcovid21 · 10/01/2022 19:32

I was speaking with a colleague today who mentioned her parents are now reluctant to help with childcare since covid. I'm in the same boat. Mine in their 70s now refuse to do any child care and instead pop by to spend time with me outdoors. They will not sit in a house with the children and I as if we have become biohazards.

I am going away for a week with work and they refuse to help, citing covid risk, which leaves me truly buggered as exdp is working and cannot help (we also live 70 miles apart). Is this a common thing? I know they are in the vulnerable category etc., but given how much help they had off their parents when I was growing up this seems really unfair. Aibu?

OP posts:
Dreambigger · 10/01/2022 19:50

Gosh this question is always so divisive. It seems sad that families won't help each other out. Its not every week not much to ask if kids are at school etc. I would hope to be a lot more hands on as a grandparent and life is a two way street you are not asking for too much OP. But seems that their mind are made up and you are not going to change them.

Unmumsymofo · 10/01/2022 19:57

Your parents are not unreasonable to not want to provide childcare (for any reason)…but it works both ways and I’m guessing you will remember this when they have mounting care needs in their old age.

elelel · 10/01/2022 19:59

@Unmumsymofo

Your parents are not unreasonable to not want to provide childcare (for any reason)…but it works both ways and I’m guessing you will remember this when they have mounting care needs in their old age.

A real equivalent would be not going near them, in their old age, due to a pandemic maybe?

echt · 10/01/2022 19:59

@Unmumsymofo

Your parents are not unreasonable to not want to provide childcare (for any reason)…but it works both ways and I’m guessing you will remember this when they have mounting care needs in their old age.
There's always one......Hmm

And the reverse of this is that such children can kiss their inheritance good-bye for not helping.

Cattitudes · 10/01/2022 20:00

Not for a week away, but for other things if the dc are similar ages I would see if work colleague wants to buddy up, you have hers over for a sleepover sometimes so she can go out and she baby sits for you in return. That is what I used to do with my friends. It is harder for a week away but at 70 they may not be up for babysitting for a week. My parents could when they were in their early 60s but not in their 70s. What about your ex in laws, might they be willing?

Chely · 10/01/2022 20:00

We see my parents much less than we used to but if I need them to look after the kids they will help me out. I only ask when I can't work things around the kids which is not very often.
Fear has changed people quite dramatically.

Blossom64265 · 10/01/2022 20:00

The grandparents are wise not to put themselves at risk. Especially if your children are in group child care or school, close contact with the grandchildren does put your parents at risk.

Lindaloo08 · 10/01/2022 20:01

If they're meeting outside theyre obviously nervous. It isn't up to them to look after your children and even if they had in the past things are different now. I'm sure they're missing the kids but unfortunately everyone feels and has to live differently with the current situation. If they did take your kids, cos you guilted and pressured them, then caught it from them and really suffered with it, how would you and your children feel? It's not even an overnight you want covered, it's a week! Unless your ex helps out, you can't go.

5keletor · 10/01/2022 20:04

I think a week is a lot at 70. Our kids' great-grandparents are in their late 60s and we probably wouldn't ask them to babysit for a week.
I think the covid concern is also relative, fair enough if they're worried and would rather just visit and see you outdoors until they feel comfortable. One of mine is at nursery and picks up a cold every week it seems, I suppose with the similarity in symptoms and rate is spreading, it isn't hugely unlikely that it could be Omicron he picks up, at some point.

chelle0 · 10/01/2022 20:04

Absolutely not! If anything she does more childcare. My mum would much rather have my daughter than me send her to nursery.

scaredsadandstuck · 10/01/2022 20:07

Gosh if my 70-something parents could see this they'd be offended at the ageism going on here. All 4 of their grandchildren go to theirs twice a week for tea after school to help me and my sibling out. Between Christmas and NY they took all 4 to London to see a show. I feel bad when my kids say they'd rather come home than go there after school as my parents love it so much.

That said, I do think you sound a bit entitled with your post, sorry.

Anyway - just for balance, despite what I've said above (which is true) my mum has been made very anxious by covid. She was previously very no nonsense about illness but it's definitely thrown her. I get it's frustrating, but sounds like you need to find an alternative plan.

Beautiful3 · 10/01/2022 20:08

I know, it's shit. Sorry op. My parents never wanted to babysit in emergencies, pre covid.

grapewine · 10/01/2022 20:08

know they are in the vulnerable category etc., but given how much help they had off their parents when I was growing up this seems really unfair.

I can't believe what I'm reading.

TulipsGarden · 10/01/2022 20:08

No, my parents are still being really careful and don't see us indoors. They are probably a bit old to be doing childcare for a toddler anyway, and I would never expect it.

My MIL does do childcare for us, but she's taken a very different approach to the pandemic and is less worried than us about Covid.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 10/01/2022 20:09

Blimey, some of these responses. I'm glad I have the family I have. No, they don't owe you childcare, but it's nice to know they're there if you need help etc.

I have 2 DC and both sets of GPs and GGPs look after our DC. My nan is 85 and has one of the boys overnight every Saturday! I don't expect it.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/01/2022 20:10

Plenty of people are still really nervous about catching covid, hardly surprising with all the scaremongering that has gone on.
Also as has already been pointed out GPS tended to be younger in the last generation. My mother became a gran at 42, I had my daughter at 38. Many women of my mothers generation gave up work when their own children were born so much easier to slot into looking after gcs as well, whereas I and most of my friends will work full time until we are late 60s

Doublechins · 10/01/2022 20:12

My DGM is in her 70's and still does all of my childcare for me. She loves it and the kids love her being here

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 10/01/2022 20:13

Was talking about this with another friend the other day, we wondered if they realised how much hard work it was and don’t want to go back to doing that again 🤣

Skyeheather · 10/01/2022 20:13

Are you wanting your parents to have your children for a week? That's a long time and a lot of hard work for two people in their 70's - I don't blame them for saying no. My parents (early 70's) are worn out after one afternoon! Covid could just be an excuse.

5128gap · 10/01/2022 20:14

It sounds difficult OP, but I think you're resenting the wrong people. Your children have a father who should be filling in the childcare gaps. Why can't he take a week off and look after them while you're away? I'm sure he has a reason, but it won't be any more valid than your parents' reason, and they're his children.

Forshorttheycallmecomp · 10/01/2022 20:15

We’ve never had childcare. But grandparents are more reluctant to see us than they were. They have restricted their life massively as a result of COVID but in ways that don’t feel rational to me.

LethargicActress · 10/01/2022 20:16

It’s is sad that they won’t spend time with your dc at all. By this point, they could have accommodated at least a few indoor visits during school breaks or after testing.

They ANBU to not want to look after your children for a whole week. If they’re at school that’s a fairly big covid risk and if they’re not then that’s a huge amount of childcare time for people in their 70’s. It may be that they don’t feel up to it now that it’s been so long since they’ve looked after their grandchildren.

Even though it’s likely the risk will be tiny by April, I can understand why nervous people wouldn’t want to commit right now.

mediumbrownmug · 10/01/2022 20:16

OP, sometimes even if YANBU, the other part isn’t either. This looks like one of those times to me. Different people are comfortable with different levels of risk, and to be fair to them in their age category the risk does exist, however small you might believe it to be. YANBU, they are NBU. Nobody is unreasonable, but your preferences do not align and you must respect that. Flowers

winter12345 · 10/01/2022 20:17

I expect a lot are using covid as an excuse to stop doing childcare they don't want to do.

TheChip · 10/01/2022 20:19

Not childcare as I never need it from my dad especially. But he does see my children as huge threats now.
I can get in the car with him and he will feel fine, but if I add one of my kids in he puts a mask on.
He will happily enter my home and chat as if he doesn't have a care in the world, but if one of the kids are home he feels exposed.

I can understand why he is cautious, but the way he goes about it really makes no sense considering I am just as much a threat as they are. Then again, when fear is involved things don't usually make 100% sense.

I do feel for my kids though as it probably is quite offensive. Like they're filthy and germ ridden, when they're not.

Swipe left for the next trending thread