To work even though I could afford to stay home?

[Alfixn]

I have a good career in a professional job which I find mentally stimulating, although it is extremely demanding, and the hours are long.

I have just had my first baby and my mat leave is ending soon. I have slightly reduced my hours to fit in better with childcare, although I will still be working longer hours than most full time jobs.

I've never considered not going back.... but financially, we can afford for me to be a SAHM.

A comment on another thread got me wondering if it's an unusual choice to make, to go back to work when I don't "have to". I love my daughter and don't want to be away from her, but never envisioned having a family meaning the end of my own career.

I'm curious now about what most women would choose if they were in my position.

It's tempting but I wouldn't give up financial security to rely on a partner financially long term.

I'm on maternity leave with my 2nd. I'm the same as you - we can afford for me to stay home, but I don't want to.

I don't want to rely on someone else for me to have whatever I want in life.
If we split up id have no income and have lost years of experience/progression.
If DP lost his job, or got sick, we wouldn't have the stress of surviving on nothing.
I want my children to grow up knowing you work for what you want - not that a man will provide everything.

You should do what is right for you. If you are happier working then do it for as long as you want to.
Just because you can afford to be a SAHP, doesn't mean you should.

I personally think part time is the best of both worlds- not always possible. I think being home becomes more vital once they start school, paying your dues when little for some flexibility later on is nice.

Would you DH be a SAHP? If he wouldn’t then why should you? I know couples who both do 4 days a week and that seems to work very well. But if you have a well paid job you enjoy I think you’d be bonkers to stay home. I certainly didn’t and am very glad (nor did my DM who many of my friends cite as a role model).

I'm exactly the same- and have the same guilt.

I would lose a big part of my identity if I didn't work and I like my demanding, professional job. It would damage my long term career - and I want to set a good example to my daughter.

A comment on another thread got me wondering if it's an unusual choice to make, to go back to work when I don't "have to".

I wouldn't say it's unusual.

And I'd always keep a professional iron in the fire rather than rely on my partner/spouse for financial security. No on knows what the future holds.

If I were you, I'd go back. I wouldn't want to be a SAHM even if I could afford it, working is much easier for me and keeps me sane.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with your choice. Working is not just about earning a salary. You could also consider:
Earning pension contributions.
Sick pay and annual leave pay.
Personal and professional development.
Mental stimulation.
Having a sense of purpose outside of the family.
Contributing to society financially - your national insurance contributions for example.
Contributing to society or the workforce by sharing your skills and experience.
Inspiring junior colleagues and your own children by providing a professional role model.

Some people choose not to work if they can afford it, some people chose to work even if they can afford not to. Both decisions are fine.

There's no reason at all for you not to go back!! I know people on mn say it's about financial independence but it's as much about achievements, goals, stimulation, adult company ... I was a sahm for 10 years and was so ready to get back to work and yet would happily have stayed at home too (I'm back working now) but I have friends who couldn't bear the thought of staying home. Best of luck and congratulations OP!!

I’m in that position.

If I said to DP I don’t want to work anymore I need to be at home with the babies he’d just start covering all the bills.

I don’t want to. I don’t like being dependent on someone else. I enjoy the intellectual stimulation that comes from working. I love my babies dearly but I didn’t go into childcare as a profession.. it’s incredibly monotonous.

As a family we have decided to take a career breaks when they’re older, it’s where we felt we missed out in our own lives growing up.

Every family is different just do what ever makes you the happiest.

I’m the same as you OP, 3 months in & have started a more senior, more well-paid job since mat leave.

I work 4 days pw, so really like having my day with DS, but I’m under no illusion that staying at home would be right for both of us.

He thrives at nursery, sleeps so much better on the days he’s there & his development has increased so much.

I’m a better parent because I work. My time is precious so I focus on him solely when I’m with him, instead of being spread thinly 7 days pw.

I have financial independence and also feel like my relationship with DH is more balanced, after years of him earning significantly more.

We’re lucky that we can outsource a lot to allow us to focus our downtime just with DS, but I absolutely will always keep my hand in, to a minimum of 3 days.

I can afford to stay home but I don't. I've worked hard for my career and I'm certainly not giving it up. I have dropped to 3 days though which feels like a good balance.
Imagine trying to get back into decent employment in 5 years, or getting divorced and being financially screwed.

We both work five days a week in challenging jobs. We are happy and engaged professionally and at home. We have lovely kids and strong relationships. I would never give it up (personally) for the asymmetry and boredom I would experience as a SAHM - though I know others of course feel differently. Tips:
-invest in fantastic childcare (we have a fabulous nanny)

• split home stuff 50:50 - this is important!
• don’t fill the weekends with classes and “stuff”, I really value that time to be with the kids and just spend downtime together as a family
• have a cleaner, outsource housework whenever possible.

Yes I'm the same, 3 children but still work FT. I love my job, my financial independence and knowing my pension will be good (and I could survive on my own if DH did the dirty on me). Working PT massively reduces your pension so wasn't a compromise I was willing to make. All 4 of mine thrived in nursery and wrap around care.

I hated the boredom of maty leave, and couldn’t wait to get back to part time work as a hospital doctor when DD1 was 4 months old.
I’m v glad I didn’t end up as a SAHM, as DH died suddenly of a brain haemorrhage when both our DDs were still in nappies.
I increased my hours to full time to support them, but if I’d been out of date and unemployed that would have been much more difficult.
Even if you are fortunate enough to avoid bereavement or divorce, being a SAHM means a life of financial dependency and missing out on building your own pension pot, plus lacking any intellectual and professional challenge.
I found it soul destroying on maty leave, to watch the adults driving out of the village every morning on their work commute, leaving a graveyard of bored housewives and pensioners behind. I did try mum/toddler groups, but they seemed only interested in teething, feeding and the contents of nappies!

Not at all, many of my friends are in this position. If it were me I probably would give up work if I could afford it but I totally understand why people don't. There's no single right way to do it.

Given you're successful in a professional role, presumably another option is that your OH could give up work and be a SAHP. Is he considering that?

You are not being unreasonable to do either, it is whats best and most important for you and your family.

Its never i size fits all, what's good for one could be the worst ever for another. So just do you.

No of course not.

I work because I enjoy it, I’m good at it and it’s mentally stimulating. I can single handed look after my kids if DH died/buggered off. I have full financial independence if I needed it.

Also very hard to get back into a professional career with a career break.

I would definitely go back in your shoes.

I could have been a SAHP. With my second I intended to keep my options open but was back to work when she was 18 months old - i took a less stressful job and over the years reduced hours to part time and now they at secondary school up to 30hours a week.

For me I wasn’t a very good sahp - i think they got much more from nursery and a happier parent. It was a good balance for us.
We’ve never missed any school events . We work as a team and share the running around. My husband has quite a senior role & travels but has been at all sports day and nativity etc
My husband had some work difficulties and was very unhappy at work, me working meant it wasn’t all on him and he was able to take a step back and take a new role in a company with a pay cut. Meaning he is happier & a better father for it.

Do what works for you as a family. Now I have one at uni and one at secondary, I’m glad I kept working and the flexibility that comes with working in the same company for 12 years! But will never judge a person for doing what works for them. Whether that’s being a SAHP or working FT !

I can afford to stay home but I work full time (was part time when the kids were younger). I would never give up work and being able to support myself or the whole family, for that matter. I've read too many threads on here over the years of women who became SAHMs and struggled to get back into work, or for whom it all went wrong.

I’m a sahp but I think everyone should do what is right for their own families. A happy Mum is pretty essential to a happy family.

I would 100% go to work even if I could afford not to. I have had a long mat leave and am desperate to go back. I do need to as it takes two incomes to sustain our lives. I could drop to 4 days but I dont want to. So you're not alone!

don't give up your job. financial independence is priceless but so is a sense of purpose.

I know SO MANY mums who SAH for the first decade and then felt very lost as they tried to re-establish who they were / what they wanted from life. Not all, but a good percentage.