To work even though I could afford to stay home?

[Alfixn]

I have a good career in a professional job which I find mentally stimulating, although it is extremely demanding, and the hours are long.

I have just had my first baby and my mat leave is ending soon. I have slightly reduced my hours to fit in better with childcare, although I will still be working longer hours than most full time jobs.

I've never considered not going back.... but financially, we can afford for me to be a SAHM.

A comment on another thread got me wondering if it's an unusual choice to make, to go back to work when I don't "have to". I love my daughter and don't want to be away from her, but never envisioned having a family meaning the end of my own career.

I'm curious now about what most women would choose if they were in my position.

I chose to go back 3 days a week when DC was 6 months old. Did that until they went to school and then worked 9-3pm 5 days a week.

I've always been very luck in that I could choose my hours at work.

I was also able to save a lot of money, which came in handy when DP ran off with someone else.

I was a sahm. I wanted to be, and I felt I should be. I wasn’t fulfilled by it and did feel hemmed in. I ran back to work as soon as DC2 was in school but my career was crocked by then and I had to work my way back in and up. With hindsight I should have gone back PT but I thought that would make me a bad mother. I think you’re very eyes-open OP, sounds like you know what you’d like and what you need.

I really didn't want to go back after my first, but had to for the money- and glad I did.

With the benefit of hindsight, I'd say go back and see what you think. Give it a few months, if you hate it you can leave. But it'll be much harder to get back in if you leave and regret it.

I always intended to be a SAHM. DH had a good enough income for us to live very comfortably. I had a good professional job but felt being a SAHM was important for the early years based on extensive research I'd done.

As soon as I had DC1 I knew I made a HUGE mistake and couldn't wait to get back to work. Due to birth injury and a few other issues I couldn't return until DC was 1 but I still hated it so returned to work full time. It gave me "me" back and I've never looked back. I got 2 promotions in quick succession and I'm really good at it and enjoy it much more than parenting. I went part time around 12 months ago (4 days a week) and enjoy the balance.

Once I established myself back at work and enjoyed it we made financial decisions based on my income and for a while we couldn't have afforded for me to stop, but once again we're in a position where I don't need to, but I want to.

I was a sahm, and would never change a thing. I couldn't bear another person experiencing my childs milestones.
As for intellectual input, I managed a 2nd degree and a doctorate whilst I was at home with my boys.
I was never bored and was out everyday with them. We also spent time in different countries for long periods, which was great.

I don't see it in such a black and white way..

You start work at... Teen? Saturday job? Continue working until 68? Longer if you can and want.
About 48 years of work minimum.
Taking one, or two or three years minimum out to be with a vulnerable non verbal child for most of the week doesn't actually sound like much in their decades you'll be working?

@JanuaryBluehoo and yet you've made it quite black and white. A "few years" might not sound like much, but when is it in reality actually just a "few years" the impact is felt for much longer and depending on the career some never fully recover, or it's a real struggle. The stats demonstrate it clearly enough. Many women talk about part time being the compromise, but that will still have a huge impact on pension and a degree of vulnerability for the parent if they become single (salary dependent).

You've had a baby not a personality transplant. You are still the person you were before but with added expectations, responsibilities and possible compassion to other mothers.

I love my kids but I love the independence, stimulation and drive working provides. We could afford for me to stay at home and I tried it and felt completely depressed.

[quote user5656555]@JanuaryBluehoo and yet you've made it quite black and white. A "few years" might not sound like much, but when is it in reality actually just a "few years" the impact is felt for much longer and depending on the career some never fully recover, or it's a real struggle. The stats demonstrate it clearly enough. Many women talk about part time being the compromise, but that will still have a huge impact on pension and a degree of vulnerability for the parent if they become single (salary dependent).[/quote]
This. It's often underestimated how much of an impact taking a few years out of your career can have in certain sectors.

I took five years out to be a SAHM and I don't regret it for a second, however I was VERY lucky in that I managed to find a managerial, part time job after that time, on a much higher (pro rata) salary than I'd been on previously. I'm still there, but I wish I had more hours now, so am thinking of finding something else. Looking back, I wouldn't change anything, but I appreciate that I took a massive risk in leaving my job for the dc and I would advise anyone in your position op to try to negotiate a part time contract. Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, so I'm not sure if that's possible for you?

I would, and did, go back full time.
Never, ever be financially dependent on someone else. You have no idea what the future holds.

When my ex started to drink and later turned violent I could leave straight away and knew I could support myself and my child.

I was a SAHM for 12 years ... (by choice), we were very financially comfortable so it wasn't a matter of being bored and hard up .. I had plenty of interesting volunteering commitments to challenge me etc and I had enough money to do what I wanted ... my DH did equal housework, childcare at weekends .. it was a very pleasant, easy 12 years (one child by choice).

BUT ... circumstances change, my DH became self employed, our household income was smaller, I returned to work but it was very hard to earn anything like the salary I used to earn. I now work part time in a job I love but earn barely more than minimum wage ... I look back and can't believe I was the same person with a good salary, company car etc ...

And I don't think it made the slightest difference to my DS ... he's 20 now and there is no way you can tell between him and his friends who had a SAHM or not .... so, in hindsight, I would not make the same choice again.

You don’t get this time back with them

This phrase gets trotted out on every single thread on this topic and tbh I find it an odd justification for not working.

What did I miss out on exactly? I still saw DS as a baby - I still witnessed all of his milestones and while it might not have always been the first time he did something it was always the first time for me. I spent mornings, evenings and weekends with him. I didn't feel like I had to spend 24/7 with him to enjoy his baby/toddler years.

I also got to see him thrive at nursery which was wonderful to see.

Your in the exact same position as me, personally I find it helps drive my work performance knowing I that if the sh!t hit the fan, we are in the fortunate position that we wouldn’t be in any danger of loosing our home/lifestyle. It also means I can save more now with an eye on retiring early and perhaps being around more for grandkids, or potentially taking a career break when dc are at school. Covid has meant we’re now 100% Homebased which il admit makes thinks much much easier with regards to childcare and drop offs etc.

I couldn't wait to get back to work after having my daughter. I dropped to a 4 day working week and her dad did compressed hours to also have a day at home with her. She was in nursery the other days.

I think you have to do what's best for you but I'm so glad I didn't give up my job. I definitely wouldn't be in the role I am in now if I had. Xx

I went back full time as dh became a sahd due to redundancy mid maternity. With the second I ended up in a job share. My money has kept us afloat more times than I can count when dh work has dried up or he has been unwell.

I would go insane without working. I enjoy it, it makes me a more interesting person because of the things I learn and it makes me feel valuable and valued. I love my daughter to the ends of the earth but the shine of entertaining kids soon wears off. She also has a far better time doing arts and crafts, imaginative play and romping with her friends at nursery than she would have with me at home!

@DelurkingAJ

Would you DH be a SAHP? If he wouldn’t then why should you? I know couples who both do 4 days a week and that seems to work very well. But if you have a well paid job you enjoy I think you’d be bonkers to stay home. I certainly didn’t and am very glad (nor did my DM who many of my friends cite as a role model).

Exactly this OP, do not let societal pressure and sexism to get the better of you, how many men post comments like yours? None. Because the expectation is not for them to be SAHP. And there's no reason for it not to be.

If you're breastfeeding or recovering entirely different but if you're not then parent should be 50/50 IMO

@Kshhuxnxk

I'm old school, I've never seen the point of having children, sticking them in nursery and going back to work. However I fully support everyones right to do what is right for them.

Do you say this to dads too?

Pre having kids I would have thought being a SAHM would be lovely (assuming DH earned enough ir thus to be affordable which he doesn't anyway...) but actually I found during mat leave I missed the 'break' work provides from parenting responsibility. Also kids are only young for a short time so it's handy to have your career to go back to

Also just to add, I think people are so short sighted about the benefits of nursery.

I have some friends, and the ones whose children don't go nursery are weirdly shy and timid on social situations.

The other children go to nursery and seem to be thriving, very outgoing confident and social.

My point, I genuinely think it's beneficial for children to attend nursery for a variety of reasons. Confidence is a very important attribute in today's society.

I also have a professional job which I mostly enjoy but it is long hours/reasonably stressful and juggling work a small child is hard. We could definitely maintain a decent standard of living on my other half’s salary but I just think … what will I do when DS is at school? When they’re 15? I also hate the idea of not being financially independent - I mean I guess I’m not exactly as we have joint finances and my OH contributes more to the household but I do earn my own money/contribute to my own pension etc. I’ve no issue whatsoever with wanting to be SAHM but don’t by any means think it’s unreasonable to want to keep working either.

A huge impact for a few years whilst children are non verbal?

In a career that could last 40 plus??

I was a SAHM until my 3rd DC was 2 then I started working outside the home for 2 hours a week which built up to 2 days a week.
I worked in education so had the school holidays too.

I fell out of love with my profession so now teach from home a few hours a week.
I get to do what I love without all the pettiness of working in a school and I get to contribute.

With some compromise its possible to navigate an acceptable way through, also taking into account the best for the child you have brought into the world!.

That's what we did.