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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex won't tell me what he's in court for

260 replies

bravermanclan · 10/01/2022 13:02

Me and my ex share 9 year old son. He is in court for the second time in 4 years today. I only found out due to a friend sending me the court roll. He is refusing to tell me what he is in court for (it is a criminal court). He says it's none of my business and he hasn't told his family and doesn't trust me not to.

When he was in court the last time it was because he crashed his car on the motorway high on drugs, I only found out when it appeared in the paper. He had seemed to clean himself up the past 3 years but now in court again for god knows what.

He has our son EOW. AIBU to think as we share a child I have the right to know why he is in court? What if he goes to prison? This impacts on our son!

OP posts:
britnay · 10/01/2022 13:33

then there must be another way that they can give you information. did you ask?

JaniceBattersby · 10/01/2022 13:38

There is no GDPR risk with court lists as they’re public documents. Email the listings dept of the court and ask them to send you details of the offence. They absolutely should do. If not, ring the newsdesk at the local paper. They’ll tell you (I work on a newsdesk. We get these calls all the time)

TubbyMcFatfuck · 10/01/2022 13:43

I’m sorry OP, the posters telling you that the court should give you the information you are seeking are incorrect. The court will not (or should not) tell you. Unless you are a witness, a complainer or have a direct link to the case they are not obliged to divulge anything. Pre GDPR, anyone could call up about an individual and ask about cases and we would oblige. Now that is no longer the case. It is a matter of public record in so far as that in normal times any member of the public can sit in the gallery (unless it’s a closed court) however Covid rules have put paid to that at the moment.

TrophyWinner · 10/01/2022 13:46

It's either public record or it's not , if it is (which it is) there is absolutely nothing in GDPR to say the court can't give the public the information. In fact they're obliged to give the public the information.

SocialConnection · 10/01/2022 13:49

Call the local paper and find out if they had a reporter on. Keep an eye on the paper's website for reports. Get a solicitor to find out your rights. You may be justified in witholding access if there is a child safety issue .

Personally I'd be telling him unless he comes clean he will not be seeing your child. Safeguarding comes first.

Steelesauce · 10/01/2022 13:54

If it was child related, social services will have called you to ask about contact etc. You can always call social services and speak to them and gain advice on where to go with contact and they will look into it.

FelicityPike · 10/01/2022 13:54

The roll is usually published on the courts website.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 10/01/2022 13:55

@TrophyWinner

It's either public record or it's not , if it is (which it is) there is absolutely nothing in GDPR to say the court can't give the public the information. In fact they're obliged to give the public the information.
That's one of the clashes in legislation.

I think it is read that it is public information as anyone who wants to can attend the session. But court staff as individuals are bound by GDPR.

So OP will have to find someone who went or wait and watch for the court findings/sentencing

TheWickedStepmum88 · 10/01/2022 13:56

@TrophyWinner do you also work for the courts? Because it sounds like the other poster has first-hand experience and knowledge and I'm therefore more inclined to believe them?

In any case I don't think OP has a RIGHT to know, but if it were my child I would also want to know.

FelicityPike · 10/01/2022 14:02

Sorry, it only lists names, dates and times.

BoredZelda · 10/01/2022 14:10

He doesn't have to tell you. It isn't any of your business. I'm sure you wouldn't tell him either.

The information is public record. It's up to you to find out.

GrandmasCat · 10/01/2022 14:13

To be honest I understand you work and cannot leave work in short notice but the less traumatic and cheapest way to find this information is to walk to court and ask for it. simple as that.

Trying to force your ex to tell you or calling SS it is likely to cause much aggravation and weeks delays at a time your child may not be safe with his dad. You need to move quickly.

Whatdramain2022 · 10/01/2022 14:14

As the father to your child, you really need to know. I was in the same situation and in those pre-Covid days, I threatened to sit in the court. It turned out to be fraud and it was reported in the local paper as he was in a profession where fraud was a huge no-no. It didn't affect the children's welfare though.

He should come clean with you. As a PP said, other people will know and you don't want your DC to hear from anyone else.

If he refuses, you will have to tell him that you will get SS to check before he can have access again as you don't know if there's a risk.

girlmom21 · 10/01/2022 14:18

Do you know anyone who can go?

TheWickedStepmum88 · 10/01/2022 14:22

@Whatdramain2022

As the father to your child, you really need to know. I was in the same situation and in those pre-Covid days, I threatened to sit in the court. It turned out to be fraud and it was reported in the local paper as he was in a profession where fraud was a huge no-no. It didn't affect the children's welfare though.

He should come clean with you. As a PP said, other people will know and you don't want your DC to hear from anyone else.

If he refuses, you will have to tell him that you will get SS to check before he can have access again as you don't know if there's a risk.

Unfortunately she has no legal right to know, no matter how much we might all agree you'd want to know because of the child. If there is a positive, communicative relationship between the parents, that kind of information can be shared. If there isn't, there's not much you can do.

Withholding contact if there is a court order will likely mean you are in contempt, so ask yourself if you're willing to risk that.

3cats2kids1dog · 10/01/2022 14:22

regardless of whether you can find out what he is in for, i don't think you can make the judgement on whether he sees your dc or not.... if it's legally mandated, you can't change that and run the risk of acting illegally in doing so.... and he could challenge you on it. there are qualified people who can assess the risk to your dc... unfortunately the rehabilitation of offenders act is also a piece of legislation that covers this sort of thing... eg just because he may have a criminal record (say for fraud) does not mean he is a risk to your dc

hivemindneeded · 10/01/2022 14:27

@BoredZelda

He doesn't have to tell you. It isn't any of your business. I'm sure you wouldn't tell him either.

The information is public record. It's up to you to find out.

Of course it's her business. He has her child EOW!
pollyparrot45 · 10/01/2022 14:30

The only way you can find out is go to court & watch

Grandville · 10/01/2022 14:30

OP (and any randomer) have a right to know what he is in court for. Justice must be public.

Actually finding out might be another matter.

Yaya26 · 10/01/2022 14:36

@FrustratedTeddyLamp

I feel like he has a right to his privacy until it impacts you and and your son
If the ex is up to his old tricks it does impact OP and her son. If he is caring for / driving around with DS while under the influence. The refusal speaks volumes
Christinatherabbit · 10/01/2022 14:39

Do NOT call SS it could cause them to open a case regarding your son and you really don't need that!

Meandmini3 · 10/01/2022 14:39

Call social services and explain you’re concerned.

WeAllHaveWings · 10/01/2022 14:48

There is an advanced search where you can search on the Case Title - it is case sensitive and you can use % as a wildcard for example %SURNAME%

Not sure how the case reference numbers work for searching

PoshPyjamas · 10/01/2022 14:48

Thing is, by not telling he would just make me assume the worst.

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