Ex won't tell me what he's in court for

[bravermanclan]

Me and my ex share 9 year old son. He is in court for the second time in 4 years today. I only found out due to a friend sending me the court roll. He is refusing to tell me what he is in court for (it is a criminal court). He says it's none of my business and he hasn't told his family and doesn't trust me not to.

When he was in court the last time it was because he crashed his car on the motorway high on drugs, I only found out when it appeared in the paper. He had seemed to clean himself up the past 3 years but now in court again for god knows what.

He has our son EOW. AIBU to think as we share a child I have the right to know why he is in court? What if he goes to prison? This impacts on our son!

@Theunamedcat

You can't just stop access for no reason anymore even if you have proof you still need to return to court for a variation

OP has to make safe choices for her child and at the moment she doesn’t have enough information to do that. Agree a court agreement has to stand UNLESS it’s about safeguarding. That why approaching social work for advice keeps everyone right.

OP I hope you’re ok, you’re in a horrible position though none of your own doing and I really feel for you. Take care of yourself xx

@Theunamedcat well yes this statement is correct but OP has very valid concerns so it's completely justified.

The verbal abuse in front of the child, the history of drug used and criminal charge and a new criminal charge. MORE then justified. She wants her child to be safe and supported and around responsibilities people.

What a silly comment.

Silly comment? My ex has been arrested and charged for violence against women and children I still cannot stop him from seeing his your fucking unrealistic if you think you can there have been cases where a man cut his exes throat INFRONT of his children miraculously she survived but he still has got letterbox contact with his children from prison meaning he still has his victims address

There is zero faith in the court systems for a reason

@Theunamedcat there's literally no reason for you to start swearing at me, thanks.

Sorry you've had that experience but it doesn't mean that this mum or any other mum can't act on their own concerns and seek advice if they need to. If I thought my child was at risk then I wouldn't send them somewhere and I would get support from my HV, women's aid and the police. The OP has tried her absolute best to get to the bottom of what has happened

Having had such a bad experience you should encourage other mums with concerns to stand up for themselves and their children too.

But if you're gonna reply swearing at me again then just don't bother, thanks.

Can you search online in local papers? In our area the local echo lists cases names and offences seen at local magistrates court that day under the Crime section.

So look up online the local newspaper and search for court cases (you already know which court) and date

In this situation I would phone the school and not allow my son to be collected, pick him up early if needed, and contact social services to let them know why I would be stopping contact for the foreseeable until the court order could be reassessed and risk assessments carried out.

@ProfessorSillyStuff

In this situation I would phone the school and not allow my son to be collected, pick him up early if needed, and contact social services to let them know why I would be stopping contact for the foreseeable until the court order could be reassessed and risk assessments carried out.

I understand where you're coming from. But if the father has parental rights (on the BC, court orders etc) the school cannot legally prevent him from picking up the child anymore than HE could call the school and tell them not to let the OP pick up the child. She could explain the situation but that doesn't change the fact that parental rights mean equal rights to both mother and father, absent court orders to the contrary. Unless SS is willing to give her some sort of official documentation telling her that she must stop contact, she really has nothing. At this point the OP only has a suspicion that her ex may have been in court on a charge that may affect his ability to parent responsibly. She doesn't know that for sure. And honestly, even if he was up for drink driving/drug driving, that may not be enough to stop him having the child altogether. He'd have to do courses, undertake not to drink whilst caring for the child, possibly not transport the child etc etc etc. But I doubt the courts would flat out refuse access.

As far as 'refusing access', a parent could do so with what they felt was very good reason, with the idea of 'fighting it out' in court. But judges look very dimly on parents violating court orders unless there is documentation (police, SS reports and the like) once it gets to court. OP doesn't have that, she has 'suspicions'. One has to be extremely careful and seek legal guidance before doing that. Obviously if a parent shows up obviously drunk, high, or making threats you refuse, lock the door, and call the police immediately. They can be the ones to turn the parent away.

It's unfortunate, but the law must treat both parties equally, at least on the surface.

I agree @AcrossthePond55 , but it's still the course I would be attempting, at least if something bad happened it would be recorded that you had attempted an intervention and digging ones heels and protesting loudly to the relevant parties, eg cafcass, social services, school will help them get the ball rolling on their checks, risk assessments and reports and puts the buck back onto them. I'd take the safe route for my child and answer questions later.
Yes to parental equality, but if the mum was getting these kind of offences under their belt I think the same should happen! ( I am not a professional of any sort but I feel strongly about safeguarding before all else!)

Personally.
Unless he told me I would contact ss with my concerns.
Your priority is the safety of your children.

Nothing trumps safeguarding. The rights of the children come first and no judge in the land would scare me into submission.
You can find out through court serve.
Tell the school they can exercise discretion.