Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex won't tell me what he's in court for

260 replies

bravermanclan · 10/01/2022 13:02

Me and my ex share 9 year old son. He is in court for the second time in 4 years today. I only found out due to a friend sending me the court roll. He is refusing to tell me what he is in court for (it is a criminal court). He says it's none of my business and he hasn't told his family and doesn't trust me not to.

When he was in court the last time it was because he crashed his car on the motorway high on drugs, I only found out when it appeared in the paper. He had seemed to clean himself up the past 3 years but now in court again for god knows what.

He has our son EOW. AIBU to think as we share a child I have the right to know why he is in court? What if he goes to prison? This impacts on our son!

OP posts:
Joined4this · 10/01/2022 22:02

Go not ho sorry

JakeyRolling · 10/01/2022 22:07

@Florabelle

I’ve just been in jury duty in Scotland. It’s remote with jurors socially distanced in a cinema in my case and no public gallery so it’s not like normal non-Covid times. No reporters or members of public can attend so no point getting time off work. The lawyers and accused etc were in court but no one else (we weren’t as jurors)
Reporters can attend - they sit in the actual court, rather than the jury centre
TubbyMcFatfuck · 10/01/2022 22:08

[quote limitedperiodonly]@TubbyMcFatfuck define press[/quote]
It was you who mentioned journalists and that they are no more important than anyone else. They are however entitled to information that the general public are not.

JaniceBattersby · 10/01/2022 22:42

Absolutely agree with @limitedperiodonly. I’m also a journalist. The press are in court to represent the public but they have no more rights than members of the public to information (although on a practical level we may have more chance of getting the info because we know what to say and have experience of obstructive court staff).

We have open justice for a damn good reason. The charges are just as much a part of that as the name and address of the defendant.

You are misinformed if you think they’re subject to GDPR. How would the press legally be able to report cases otherwise? We’d be being prosecuted every day for breaching GDPR.

TubbyMcFatfuck · 10/01/2022 23:14

Is that directed at me JaniceBattersby?
Neither I nor anyone else on this thread that I can see have suggested that the press are subject to GDPR. Who has suggested they are?

limitedperiodonly · 10/01/2022 23:16

@TubbyMcFatfuck journalists are not professionals like doctors, accountants or lawyers. They need no qualifications and answer to no body that can strike them off. They are ordinary people with no more rights than anyone else. They just learn to ask for things to which they are entitled and keep asking until they get them. Anyone can do that and they should.

limitedperiodonly · 10/01/2022 23:40

Agree @JaniceBattersby but we shouldn't put it about. This is our superpower and it wouldn't do for just anyone to realise they can do it. It's hard enough to earn a living as it is Wink

Guiltypleasures001 · 11/01/2022 00:00

Have you googled his name op and the local paper to him?

HaveringWavering · 11/01/2022 00:38

For the love of God will either @limitedperiodonly or @JaniceBattersby please DM OP for details and call the Court for her!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/01/2022 00:40

OP doesn't actually want to know what her ex is in court for or she would have found out by now.

Head in the sand.

And you still want to allow him to have access to your child?

Original poster
bravermanclan · 11/01/2022 00:45

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

OP doesn't actually want to know what her ex is in court for or she would have found out by now.

Head in the sand.

And you still want to allow him to have access to your child?

Eh? Confused
OP posts:
Original poster
bravermanclan · 11/01/2022 00:46

@HaveringWavering

For the love of God will either *@limitedperiodonly or @JaniceBattersby* please DM OP for details and call the Court for her!
Please feel free
OP posts:
expat101 · 11/01/2022 02:08

Does a local newspaper send in a reporter to listen to cases for their paper reporting?

This might be worth a try and if their reporter doesn't, they might have a friend inside the court system who might tell...

JeffThePilot · 11/01/2022 02:32

@Whatayear81

Ah yes

She would have been notified if found guilty I suppose.

By who?

Unless there was an obvious risk to a child, such as a sexual offence, I very much doubt anyone in the court system would think to pass anything on.

crankysaurus · 11/01/2022 02:51

Did the court say if they'd be happy to reply to email or a letter?

daisychain01 · 11/01/2022 03:00

Court case aside, why the hell is the 9 year old son allowed to be in the care of a man who's been done for driving and causing an accident when high on drugs. If that was my son he'd never be left in the hands of an irresponsible, feckless drug-driver ever again, that's for sure. Wtf!

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/01/2022 03:04

@daisychain01

Court case aside, why the hell is the 9 year old son allowed to be in the care of a man who's been done for driving and causing an accident when high on drugs. If that was my son he'd never be left in the hands of an irresponsible, feckless drug-driver ever again, that's for sure. Wtf!
Because sadly courts dont often do what is actually safest for the child, ask any mother who is forced to hand over their child for access with a violently abusive father.
daisychain01 · 11/01/2022 03:53

Then get CAFCAS involved, it could be a safeguarding issue, especially now that the ex is back in court. I just wouldn't risk it, he'd have to see me in court before I allowed that child out of my sight,

daisychain01 · 11/01/2022 03:54

Plus he's evidenced via a court case he's a drug user, and putting his usage before his child's welfare.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/01/2022 04:02

I am afraid that there are many many women on MN who can say just how naive you are about this.

Even if, BIG if, CAFCAS get it right each time, even if SS support the mother, even if she has top notch legal representation.....the judge can, and often does, find for the father.

It happens every single day to thousands of women and children per year.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/01/2022 04:04

Oh and saying "he will see me in court..!" no......if a woman who is ordered to have a child available for access with their father doesnt allow that, and the father can afford to keep going back to court, she can LOSE her kids. Are you really saying that you would risk your child being put with him and you losing access to them, rather than handing them over a couple of times a month?

Easy to say what you would do when you have never had to do it.

SuPerDoPer · 11/01/2022 04:51

Plus, people can change their behaviour. It's not fair to judge someone's ability to parent based on a mistake they made years ago. If there was evidence he was currently using drugs, maybe, but I wouldn't withhold all contact based on one bad decision.

MimiDaisy11 · 11/01/2022 05:32

@HaveringWavering

For the love of God will either *@limitedperiodonly or @JaniceBattersby* please DM OP for details and call the Court for her!
But OP already called the court, and people working for them on this thread confirmed they don’t give info over the phone.
HaveringWavering · 11/01/2022 07:27

To the public. They are press.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 11/01/2022 07:49

What jobs do those suggesting taking time off work to go and sit in court do that they can take a day off with literally no notice?

I’m a teacher so can’t take any days off outside of school holidays but even in jobs where people can choose when to take annual leave I’d have thought they need to book this in advance and can’t just call up in the morning and announce they won’t be in!

Swipe left for the next trending thread