To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

I want a twin. I don't want to share my bed and I want staff to confirm that I've got what I want. Although further questions are unnecessary, that would annoy me so YANBU.

Ahh yes I hate this. Sometimes it’s “just” heteronormativity, sometimes sheer nosiness, other times it’s a micro aggression where they’re trying to force you to admit and declare your relationship status in a hostile environment. I’ve most commonly experienced this in France and Italy, never in Northern Europe, and in maybe half of my hotel stays (with a female partner) in the UK.

I try to deflect this by only one of us approaching the check in desk. It’s not always effective though - once I was given the keys to my double room (without any questions re room configuration), and then my partner joined with our bags. The hotel receptionist chased after us to ask if we would prefer a twin room. At that point I briefly considered carrying a flag with me to weekend breaks.

It also happens in Air BnBs. Book a sexy apartment with four poster bed and big bath tub = half the time the host offers to make up the sofa bed (in a one bed) or asks which of us will be getting the master suite (in a two bed). If we don’t take the bait and engage beyond “no thanks” then comes the “so are you two sisters?” query.

So yeah, this is a thing and it’s not just good customer service at play.

@MyAnacondaMight

Ahh yes I hate this. Sometimes it’s “just” heteronormativity, sometimes sheer nosiness, other times it’s a micro aggression where they’re trying to force you to admit and declare your relationship status in a hostile environment. I’ve most commonly experienced this in France and Italy, never in Northern Europe, and in maybe half of my hotel stays (with a female partner) in the UK.

I try to deflect this by only one of us approaching the check in desk. It’s not always effective though - once I was given the keys to my double room (without any questions re room configuration), and then my partner joined with our bags. The hotel receptionist chased after us to ask if we would prefer a twin room. At that point I briefly considered carrying a flag with me to weekend breaks.

It also happens in Air BnBs. Book a sexy apartment with four poster bed and big bath tub = half the time the host offers to make up the sofa bed (in a one bed) or asks which of us will be getting the master suite (in a two bed). If we don’t take the bait and engage beyond “no thanks” then comes the “so are you two sisters?” query.

So yeah, this is a thing and it’s not just good customer service at play.

Yes!!!! As I said upthread this is exactly my experience. Especially in France, Italy and the U.K., probably at its worst in France which is really quite a sexist culture underneath and still quite homophobic. Never been asked in Germany or NL, hotel staff there don’t bat an eyelid.

I’ve also been asked the “are you two sisters” thing too, in the UK - once at a close friend’s wedding by a member of the hotel staff, and I have to say it really ruined the whole event for me. Even now, when I look back, I don’t remember my friend’s wedding (which was lovely), but the embarrassment of being questioned by a smirky man working for the hotel at the end of the night, who was also smirking and making suggestive wink wink faces at another male member of staff near by. I vividly remember feeling really crushed and upset by it, but us not wanting to say anything about it (we were in our twenties and who wants to make a fuss at that age?)

Nowadays, I’d have the manager there before the fuckers could blink.

I 100% understand why this would get you down, if it’s a regular thing. Myself and my hetero DH have never once been asked if we’d like to switch to a twin. It’s very rare we’ve even had the more polite “So it’s a double for two nights?” confirmation either. It’s just assumed. I think I had the polite confirmation that we’d booked a twin when travelling with my brother, but it’s never been doubted that my female friend and I have booked a twin.

As OP and others have said, it’s not hard to just ask to confirm, rather than assuming you know best and suggesting a different room type. There’s no need to assume that people are friends, partners, family, colleagues etc…even if one is more statistically likely than another, it still isn’t necessary to assume.

"It also happens in Air BnBs. Book a sexy apartment with four poster bed and big bath tub = half the time the host offers to make up the sofa bed (in a one bed) or asks which of us will be getting the master suite (in a two bed)."

I had the opposite. Booked an Air b n b for two people, me and a male friend, but I don't remember if I even had to note how many people we were and I'm pretty sure I didn't have to say which sex we were. When we arrived only one bed had been made as the host said she didn't know if we would use both rooms. Probably just laziness...

I often go away with a good friend , we are not a couple and we would like a twin room. However we are never offered one and even if we ask we are often given a double. So it works both ways 🤷‍♀️😂

I don't think they should ask, if you have booked a double, they should leave it at that.
Then if someone has booked a double my mistake, it's up to them to moan, they shouldn't been assuming anything, it's called a private life for a reason.
My parents ended up in twin beds on there honeymoon, they couldn't push them together as, they were different heights. 🤣

Ach it’s a shame -but it’s probably more for the two Karen’s, away on their jollies “couldn’t BELIEVE we got to the room and it was a double!? A DOUBLE ,I ASK YOU? “ so they can plaster it all over facey before going downstairs to complain and ask for a free bottle of wine …
Sorry, that must be annoying tho: they’ve no business asking if your sisters etc tho! Bloody hell.

They shouldn't treat you any differently at all. The correct procedure for all guests is simply to confirm what you have booked 'so that is one double room for 2 nights without breakfasts' without any judgement or query tone in your voice. The guest can then correct them if they are wrong.

Not for that reason but I have had things that I felt I wanted to pass on so simply email the management and start by saying it isn't a complaint but think they might find it constructive feedback.

I used to work on a hotel reception and we were told to ask every booking 'so you have booked a single/double/twin/family room, is that correct?'. As sometimes mistakes happen at booking. I wouldn't take it personally. My husband and I get asked this same question often. It's their job, they should be asking everyone. If they say it with undertones or say 'are you sure you want a double?' then that's completely different and not acceptable.

It’s not just same sex couples this happens to. My DH (of 24 years) is a lot older than I am and we have been asked numerous times if we want twin beds - I assume they think he’s my father!!

Goodness so many straight couples routinely being asked if they’re SURE they want a double bed

No, but very regularly the opposite (not married though). We’ve often booked twins to find we’ve been given a double or had an incredulous ‘you do know you have booked a twin?’ at reception. Er, yes, because not everyone likes sharing!

“Oh no thank you, that would interfere with all of the sex we’re planning to have”

My friend once went on holiday with her dad when she was still in school and the hotel gave them a double bed with champagne and rose petals

That’s just rubbish. Can entirely understand why it bothers you. Pre covid I travelled a lot with my husband and I’ve never once been asked if I want a different room unless it was to offer an upgrade. It’s common to do the we have you with a king bed room for 3 nights/double for just tonight or similar & I assume that’s standard but checking there isn’t a mistake isn’t and it wouldn’t exactly take a massive training effort to explain why that’s not great. Everyone saying it wouldn’t bother them is likely missing the point that being asked when you are in the majority doesn’t have any undertone of suggesting your relationship is somehow invalid.

My son had provisionally booked me into a UK hotel as I was flying over for his 18th birthday bash. After picking me up we presented at the hotel reception and the manager thumbed through the bookings and sadly informed us that he only had a twin room or a single.
Son said that he'd booked a double and he wouldn't be staying long which made the other staff titter behind their hands.
I knew then what they were thinking so I said "Come on darling I want to relax" and after being handed the keys, we found our room.
Once upstairs he asked what all the "Come on darling" was about - I NEVER talk like that and he was embarrassed when I told him. I was 51 at the time.

I vote YABU because I am a same sex couple and I want that twin room.

In fact I want a separate room.

Ideally 3 rooms. 1 to have sex in and then separate rooms to retire to.

Borderline with this. If it's a quick question....
would you like a twin room?
no thanks!
it seems fine to me. All couples should be asked though... 👀🙄 some might prefer it😁
Anything more nosey and I ask if their dungeon rooms free or actually do you have a bridle suite?

All the Best!

I can never get a twin when I go away with my friend, they all seem to be doubles these days and several times when I've found and booked twin I've had a double and had to go and say 'we're not a couple, please can we have a twin '

See having worked in the hotel industry for years I would say on checking in to everyone in the line, regardless of same sex check in or opposite sex check in.

"The room is set up as a double, is that ok?"

That way I felt everyone was being treated the same. Then I'd carry on with the whole your room number is XXX, breakfast is served..... Blah blah blah.

Felt it was the fairest way for all.

@Simonjt

Ah, I do like the comparison of a vegetarian being offered a sausage roll. Vegetarianism is a choice, it isn’t illegal in 68 countries, it isn’t punishable by death, your existence in the UK has always been legal, your ability to marry has always been legal, your ability to have children has always been legal. You aren’t beaten up or verbally abused in the street for being vegetarian, you aren’t sacked for it, disowned by parents, colleagues and friends.

Exactly what I was thinking, when was refusing a sausage roll against the law!

Same sex couples are not rare these days but probably unusual enough (compared with opposite sex couples) to trigger the twin beds question. There’s no point in getting huffy about it. Suck it up and deal with it instead of expecting the world to change. For every same sex couple checking in, a hotel probably gets dozens of opposite sex couples. You can hardly blame receptionists for asking if you want twin beds.

Welcome to the discovery of just how stupid/ignorant ~52% of the population is.

I have the opposite problem…often holiday with a friend and people assume we’re a couple and give us a double bed despite us booking a twin room! I can understand how it gets a bit irritating!

There is no need to ask you if you'd prefer a twin in my opinion. If you've booked a double in advance they should just hand you your key. If you were just walking into a hotel and asking for a room without having pre booked then it wouldn't be odd to ask.