To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

@Isitjustme123

I hear you!

When you book the hotel there's usually a note area for special requests etc. I always put a note in there to say please do not ask us if we would like a twin we are partners and would like a double room as booked.

If not then from the off say we have a double room booked for myself and my partner thank you.

That is unbelievably sad that in 2022 you even have to put that!

I had no idea this was happening!

A few times I have gone into a restaurant alone, waited for ages to be served and then discovered it was being assumed that I was waiting for someone else to join me.

@GameofPhones

A few times I have gone into a restaurant alone, waited for ages to be served and then discovered it was being assumed that I was waiting for someone else to join me.

Yep I was once having dinner with a chap who worked for me and the waiter said something about him being my husband. Corrected to colleague and was hit with some nonsense about him being a nice boss. Erm, actually noooo.

That was irritating. Ingrained misogyny.

Not that that's in anyway the same as the OP. It just reminded me.

I have gay friends who have this problem all the time but I have the opposite problem. My ex-wife and get on well (a rare blessing it seems) and go away occasionally for walking/climbing weekends. Our current partners are lovely but they are couch potatoes. In the summer it's a 2 bedroom tent and,in winter, a hotel room. A few times we've turned up and been asked the double or twin question despite booking twins. It's become our running joke. The receptionist asks and one of us will say, very loudly so all can hear: "Well dear, on a scale of 1-10 how likely is rumpy-pumpy tonight?" The answer is something like "Minus 11" or "not bloody likely with my lumbago and the dog!" or "Piles are giving me hell love" . It gets sorted out with humour. ..and sometimes an embarrassed receptionist.

@MeredithGreyishblue It's definately part and parcel of the same heteronormative assumptions that underly the OP's experiences.

I don't understand the whole "it's not the same" thing. It may not be the same subjective experience, may not feel as hurtful, but it is 100% another symptom of the same fucking problem - heteronormativity.

@MattHancocksSexTape

Use this to your advantage. Every time you are asked, ask to speak to the manager regarding the request. Kick up a fuss and you’ll get a free upgrade!

"Kick up a fuss" & demand to "speak to the manager" because a question was asked?

What the HELL has happened to this world???????

@Broads93

To all of the straight people insisting it's not a big deal, it's disrespectful for one, there's undertones of homophobia to these situations. You can't "understand" the struggle when it doesn't effect you in any way. So stop trying, it's very insulting.

It absolutely sounds like people think homosexual relationships are not as "serious" as straight ones, if they did they'd ask straight couples the same thing on arrival, but they don't.

Alllll together now:

THEY ASK EVERYONE THE SAME QUESTION!!!!!!!

I swear some people are just searching for offence where there is none to be found!!!

I'm heterosexual and have never once been asked this when travelling with my husband (or previous boyfriends)

Alllllll together now:

NO THEY DON'T!

I have never been asked this, plenty of other heterosexual couples on here have never been asked this and OP was never asked this when married to a man.

I've frequently been asked to confirm that we're booked into a double room (and rooms for the teens) when travelling with DH, just in a "has the bloody website got all your details right for once/has idiot customer pressed the right buttons?" sort of way.

But nobody has ever followed it up with "we can switch you into a twin room if you want" or asked us if we're siblings (we do look quite alike).

I don't remember ever having been asked but DH usually checks in, we don't both go up to the desk.

THEY ASK EVERYONE THE SAME QUESTION!!!!!!!

Err do they? I don't recall ever being asked if my male partner is my friend or brother.

You are missing the point by a country mile; confirming the booking details are correct is fine, following up with intrusive questions or offers of separate bedding is not and does not happen to straight couples. I doubt a same sex couple is the most notable thing reception staff encountered so they are just being nosy.

On a separate note; why would they care about the sleeping arrangements of strangers as long as the bill is paid.

@GrannytoaUnicorn Alllll together now.

No they don't. I've never been asked would I prefer a twin when checking in with male partner. I've had receptionists confirm we've booked a double but as I said before "so that's a double for two nights with breakfast" is very different to "is that supposed to be a twin"

I swear some people are just searching for offence where there is none to be found!!!

I swear ignorance and inability to look outside one narrow viewpoint are key contributors to broken exclamation mark keys.

I’m in the USA. DH and I are hetero, married, wear visible wedding bands and share the same last name (I was sick of mine, as it was a cultural reference that wore thin) and we have not only been asked that question every.single.time we’ve checked in as a couple, but have even had our room booking changed to two beds before we checked in, without asking. Both our names on the booking. No idea why it keeps happening. 🤷‍♀️

The smirking would put me right off though. I have never been smirked at like that, and I bet I know why. That’s not on and I would absolutely complain.

This really annoys me too, we always get asked that too (same sex couple) really annoys me. Or asking are we paying separate etc...

Most hotels will release 60% of their doubles to book as confirmed doubles, and the same 60% of their twins as confirmed twins.

Letting the remaining 40% of each room type allows for flexibility on check in.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I didn't know this. So how does that work? Are they all the rooms the same / all rooms can be either double or twin? Do they just push the beds together? Or have I misunderstood?

I have often wondered why the option is often "a double or twin room" rather than giving the choice between "a double room" or "a twin room"

I didn't know this. So how does that work? Are they all the rooms the same / all rooms can be either double or twin? Do they just push the beds together? Or have I misunderstood?

Usually there are doubles and twins. Some of the rooms may have zip n link beds.

I have often wondered why the option is often "a double or twin room" rather than giving the choice between "a double room" or "a twin room"

No it means you aren't guaranteed to get the bed you want. Those who have a confirmed room type get the type on the booking. Those who don't have a confirmed room type are allocated on check in according to preferences and availability.

If you have a confirmed double, and are the last check in, your double will be waiting for you. If you don't have a confirmed bed type and are last in, you get the last room whatever (twin or double).

I'm straight but I'm shocked at the number of people on this thread who can't see what the issue is! It's a classic example of the expectation of putting up with hetero normative attitudes. Why on earth should anyone have to discuss their sexual relationship with a hotel receptionist?!?! Microaggression tastic.

YANBU.

@ZenNudist

I think you are looking for prejudice where it isn't always there. It's not homophobia to check the right room configuration. I wouldn't get wound up by it, but I see you already have done.

We aren't living in the 50s. LGBTQ+ people are ten a penny and organisations teach staff to deal accordingly.

If it really bothers you so much just say that you are booking in for "my wife and I" to make it clear.

Personally I can't get worried about what hotel staff think of me.

Spot on.

Not the point, but I’ve literally just booked a hotel room for myself and my friend, I’ve booked a double - I hope they ask us if we want a twin!

My DDs friend (age 17) went away with her father to New York. He booked a large suite with 2 separate bedrooms.
On arrival they mistook them for couple, apologised for the mistake and tried to upgrade them to a honeymoon suite. He is in his late 50s.

You what I think that's shit.
I'm straight but I can see being offered a twin is just insulting
Checking that what you booked is what you want is surely the way to go for every customer greeted. "I see you've booked for 1 night in a double" or "I see you've booked for 2 nights in a twin" .
I'm sad for you.
I have friends who are gay and they told me they find it easier to camp it up enormously at hotels and restaurants just so there's no doubt or confusion - out of concern that noone feels awkward around them. I felt really sad they feel the need to do that.
I think those of us on this thread who benefit from straight privilege ought to be more understanding.

I'm straight and married and DH and I have never been asked if we'd prefer a twin. Not once.

Goodness so many straight couples routinely being asked if they’re SURE they want a double bed.

I must be having a truly extraordinary experience as a straight married woman who has never once had this happen. How bizarre that I’m so unusual.