To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

Gay person here who has achuslly experienced serious homophobia

I’m not sure how you are obviously a couple ??
People are trying to be helpful it’s coming from a good place , I would save your indignant for more important cases of homophobia inequality

It's totally homophobic and it would upset me if I were in your position. They should give you the room set up you've booked without question or comment.

I often share a room with my friend when we have a weekend away to save, we book a twin room because we're not a couple. I wouldn't expect anyone to say "are you sure you don't want a double" any more than you should accept it the other way round.

We did share a bed once when we turned up somewhere late and our twin request had been missed, too tired to care.

@Gem176 that's what I would expect to hear at most. I don't like lifts so generally prefer not to be on a high floor so a receptionist saying "so I've got a twin room with breakfast for two nights on floor 9" gives me a chance to ask something on a lower floor.

So many people are missing OP’s point on this thread.

It’s not that people are asked to confirm what room type they want or if they want to split the bill. It’s the constant everyday implication that same sex relationships are ‘less than’. This isn’t always malicious but ingrained within our society in the ways mentioned on this thread. Just like other issues such as everyday sexism and racism.

I’m bi-sexual and have been in long term relationships with both men and women. Now have a lovely wife of 8 years. And I totally understand what OP and PP’s are getting at. The relationships are treated so differently by society, almost unconsciously.

An example from my mum the other week. She was purchasing Christmas cards and hunted in all the shops in her town. Easily found lots of ‘Daughter and son in law’ Christmas cards for my sister and her husband. Couldn’t find a single ‘daughter and daughter in law’ card for me and my wife. She did find one online and they obviously exist but not in the several main stream shops she had easy access to.

I don’t think you can fully understand unless you’ve experienced it. In fact my now wife mentioned it when we first got together and I thought she was over egging it initially!

Also ... aren't about 1 in 10 people gay? no it’s 2.7%. Not 10%!

@SarahAndQuack
It’s far more likely in a booking that a mistake has been made and twin rooms were required.

Another example - I've mentioned above how I booked a hotel in X south rather than X centre. I'd gone to the website for X centre, but somehow must have ended up on the other one and booked a hotel far away from town. This is hardly uncommon and doesn't mean I'm stupid!

I'm sorry that you seem to taken the customer service mantra of 'the public are stupid' to heart as a personal attack on you and feel the need to defend yourself time and time again. It's not. And obviously we know in reality mistakes happen and people do stupid things without being stupid people. However when you're working 12 hour shifts with people complaining at you and having to be nice and accomodating in return time and time again the, 'people are stupid' mantra is simply a way to blow off steam between colleagues.

Saying that, the above example is you being stupid. You 'somehow ended up' on a completely different website and didn't check where you were booking before you booked it? That is a stupid mistake and if you showed up at my restaurant on a busy night having done the same thing you would be turned away and then later in the break room we'd all role our eyes and laugh at the stupid person who can't book the right place. It's comradery among colleagues, are you really telling me you've never complained about a boss with an equal colleague, or a client? People complain, that's how we get through, bloody hell half the threads on MN are just people needing to rant and let off steam. Just because something's common doesn't mean it's not stupid. People take umbrage with being double checked with but then also make mistakes like you have above which would be fixed with a double check so sometimes we really can't win.

"It’s the constant everyday implication that same sex relationships are ‘less than’."

I thought the whole complaint was that the staff are assuming OP is not or may not be in a same sex relationship so they're not making a judgement on her relationship.

I think the set up is quite different in the UK.

The big hotel chains often have two double beds which is standard in the USA but not in the UK.

Lots of places have zip together beds and can configure a room as a double or two singles.

Lots more places fit what they can into the space, so some rooms have one double, some two singles, and they may also have a family room that has a double and a single or bunk beds. Single rooms are rare unless a hotel has a room too small to accommodate a double bed.

If there is limited availability some people may book a type of room that isn't their preference and hope they can get a swap or that the beds can be pushed together but if not make do. I have done it myself, so I understand why hotels might ask the question but the way OP is being questioned is unacceptable.

@Gwenhwyfar how can you not see that, the assumption they are not in a same sex relationship despite evidence to suggest otherwise is a judgement on somebody’s relationship? It’s a reflection on societies view of these relationships.

Like a PP mentioned earlier people assuming that a same sex partner cannot be a next of kin.

It’s something that homosexual couples deal with on a low level day in day out that heterosexual couples don’t ever really have to deal with.

I'm pretty appalled at people saying they don't get the problem. I'm not gay but I can clearly see this is a problem. If they're not asking every group of 2 regardless of sex the same question then it's a problem!

And why are people saying it shouldn't marr your enjoyment? it's yet another dismissal of the mere possibility of homosexuality being an actual thing that you have to put up with.

I am sure hetero couples don't all want a double but I doubt they'd be asked they'd have to make their preference known.

If the receptionist can't be sure all they have to say is "yes I have your booking for a double room here...." which gives opportunity for correction but again they should be saying that to everyone.

I wish they'd clarified to me and my husband on our honeymoon after we climbed 3 flights of stairs with our luggage to find a twin room and had to go all the way back again for a double!

In this instance it's definitely a case of do it for everyone or don't do it at all!

If you don't think this is wrong then you're not an ally.

"Hi, can we check in please we've got a reservation in the name of Jones"

1. "Yes. I've got a double room booked for three nights with breakfast is that correct ?"

1. "Yes for three nights with breakfast, the room you've been allocated is a double should that be a twin instead ?"

Do people really not see the difference between those two statements ?

This hasn’t happened to us in a good decade, however it did happen on our honeymoon! It can be annoying, but certainly seems to be on the decrease. We are both femme and assumed to be straight. When out with our kids people usually assume one of us is the aunty/family friend until the kids shout ‘Mummy and Mum come here’! The world is still very heteronormative, but when people you as though you are stupid then I get it grates.

[quote Sunbird24]@Simonjt I know I mentioned in my previous post about not making assumptions, but I’m assuming you had to deliberately choose somewhere for your honeymoon that wasn’t too backwards conservative. And then still got asked this![/quote]
London!

[quote PunchyMojitos]@Stroopwaffle5000, which is precisely why you confirm their booking is correct! Not offer a different room in case they're mistaken!

Why aren't people grasping the difference?[/quote]
Hey I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm just repeating what my OH said. How they pose the question depends on the employee I guess, but they're told to confirm details on check in, not offer a different room. It's much more hassle for them if they have to start physically moving the room around from a double to a twin.

I'm pretty appalled at people being so dismissive and minimising the OPs experience!

IMO this kind of bollocks is up there with asking a black Londoner "no, I mean where are you from originally?" = casual racism.

is there an equivalent term "casual homophobia"?

@FrangipaniBlue

I'm pretty appalled at people being so dismissive and minimising the OPs experience!

IMO this kind of bollocks is up there with asking a black Londoner "no, I mean where are you from originally?" = casual racism.

is there an equivalent term "casual homophobia"?

I don’t think theres a set phrase like that so much, but there are a few similar ones like

“You don’t seem/look/sound gay” yeah, that really isn’t the compliment you think it is.

“I don’t care if you’re gay” implying there is something wrong with being gay but they’ll overlook it.

@LesbianonFWR

Wow this is a fast-moving thread! *@IamGusFring*

The fact you are asked as a group of friends whether you want to split the bill is the point. The staff read you as friends so they guess you aren't sharing the bill. The question is - if you're straight and you're with your husband, do they ask you to split the bill? If not, that's because they assume you are a couple. When we are repeatedly asked if we want to split the bill, the staff show they don't see us as a couple or a family. They assume that we are friends, like when you go out for a meal as a couple. They are assuming that two women must just be friends. That's because lesbian couples are invisible.

and we have NOT been asked as well! I am 100 % sure a busy waitress doesn't give a shit about whether you or I am lesbian or heterosexual .

I'd complain to the hotels involved so they can train their staff.

YANBU! I remember going to a university ball with my ex gf. She was sitting on my knee and someone asked us how we met. We told her that we met on Tinder and she responded
"oh how lovely, I didn't know you could meet friends on Tinder!"

@SarahAndQuack you saying I am not "engaging " means that I don't step back and agree with you . If that is what you mean then yes about the cafe situation .

@FrangipaniBlue, oh casual homophobia is definitely a thing and is certainly a phrase I use. The examples that @Simonjt gave, sum it up perfectly.

@riotlady, are you saying that your friends don't normally sit on your knee?!

🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ What did you say?!

Man, these comments!

@Simonjt 🤦‍♀️ That’s bonkers.

I think it is just standard policy and nothing to do with sexuality.
Dh and I always get asked the same. ( maybe because we are older?)
We never think anything about it.

It is the same when booking online you have a choice and they don't know the type of couple you are as the room type tends to be one of the first questions.

Some couples prefer to share and others not.

Life is too short to worry about that. Just enjoy your breaks.

I can understand them checking but there's better ways of phrasing it, perhaps they should say they have two kinds of rooms, which do you prefer? I share with my friend sometimes and we request a twin.

It does happen to opposite sex couples, overseas I was asked is it ok we only had one room booked because we weren't married- in 2020! They had no issue booking us into the one room thankfully