To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

I been away with my same sex friends and have always been asked about the booking. We’d book twins, but not always actually get them. There have been a couple of occasions we’re I’ve felt vaguely embarrassed as the receptionist is basically asking are you sleeping together not ‘is the booking right/wrong’. I agree with you, that the question should be neutral. It does sometimes cast an odd shadow over the break, well at least until we’ve opened a bottle of wine. It feels like one is being judged. No one should have to feel like they need to declare we are/ are not partners. Its no one else’s business.

"suck it up and deal with it and don't expect the world to change"

@Bleachmycloths, congratulations 👏 I think you win. How inspiring you sound! "Suck it up and don't expect the world to change". Have you thought about becoming a motivational speaker perhaps?...

And yes, I can blame a receptionist for asking such a question.

You crack on though and stick two fingers up at the minority (because they don't matter, right?) for daring to want true, real, every day equality.

I suspect there's absolutely no point in engaging with you on this actually. You simply don't get it. That's the beginning and end.

Yes, I think YABU. The staff are trying to cover all bases, that's all. Simply say "No, a double is fine" and leave it like that. There's no need to make a song and dance about it. Life's too short. Save your angst for more serious matters.

I've never had this and my dp is butch as Ken, me feminine presenting. I'd just make a joke as others have said, if it did. Might make them think twice. I agree though, annoying.

Haven't read the full thread so this may have been said already, but as a hotel receptionist I was more than once verbally attacked by heterosexual friends / colleagues who had accidentally booked a double room and were enormously affronted by the assumption they would be sharing it.

As shitty as I appreciate it is for you OP, after that I would always check (although in a much more subtle way, I'd just make sure to mention the room type during the check in 'Lovely so that's room 9, king size bed, all ready for you, and you're here until Friday' kind of thing).

YANBU and it is shocking the number of people trying to say you are.

Normally when I check into a hotel they just confirm the room type. Something like "ok, we've got you for 2 nights in a double with ensuite" (or something similar). There's no need to do more than that. At that point someone who meant to book a twin would speak up and say there's been a mistake. Failing that, I'm sure they'll notice once they've get to the room and will ask for it to be rectified.

In this day you really wouldn't think same sex couples checking into hotels would be such a surprise

@ImInStealthMode the bad behaviour is on those people and their verbal abuse should not br tolerated. Mistakes happen and there is no need for anything other than pointing out the mistake and asking for it to be rectified. Not your fault I know.

However, the way you have been overcoming that sounds perfectly acceptable and should be what any hotel does.

Do u have the same surname? If so it’s very odd they would try to twin you. I’d just say ‘hi my wife and I would like to check in’ at outside so it’s clear. It’s probably not easy for the receptionists to handle. I often share hotel rooms with female friends and would prefer a twin. Maybe I’m very sheltered but I don’t know anyone who shares with different gender they aren’t in a relationship with. I imagine they see as many friend couples as lesbian couples so it’s not obvious. They probably very rarely see m/f friends sharing.

My husband and I frequently stay in hotels and get asked this all the time I thought it was a nice gesture.

I get that this is frustrating for you and probably lots of other same sex couples. Since you stay in hotels frequently, let the management know you’re fed up with their narrow minded check in procedures and hopefully at least some of them will take it on board. Enjoy your weekend breaks!

@nuancedcloud

Heterosexual couples asked every time too!

Really? Never happened to me in 20 years. In any of my (heterosexual) relationships.

Sounds homophobic to me. You've booked a double... they are querying it because in some sense you "don't look like" a couple to them, due to being same-sex. My different-sex partner and I literally never get asked this, presumably because we "do look like" a couple to such folk. It might not be intentionally homophobic as in they are not planning to be, but I think it needs to be called out each time, either at the desk or afterwards, to management. Or both.

It's not on and it is discrimination. It seems to take some people a very long time to change their perceptions and assumptions, even if they don't intellectually think that they have any biases or issues with same-sex couples. Everyone has some unconscious bias about something (and we have to all work on ourselves to try to eliminate) but unfortunately there is a type of person that tends to be blissfully unaware of theirs, and has to have it spelled out, often more than once, by you or their bosses. (This is leaving aside those that DO have an issue and are being deliberate while supposedly seeming polite about it, but I suspect (hope) that these folk are fewer in number, although they can be dealt with the same way anyway.)

I'm totally with you on this. YANBU.

Do u have the same surname? If so it’s very odd they would try to twin you.

Why would any couple, same-sex or different-sex, necessarily have the same surname? And therefore, why would (should) this be a thing? If this is really a consideration, and I suspect it sometimes is, then that's another kind of bias (something to do with married versus unmarried? - although we all know that doesn't follow nameswise either).

Personally, when travelling with a different-sex partner, past and present, always with different surnames (because I have not ever changed my surname, nor been in a different-sex couple with someone who happens to have the same surname), being offered a twin is such a rare occurence that I can't remember it actually having happened and suspect it never has.

I've not even read the whole thread yet, and there is quite a bit of "whataboutery" and apologism on the bit I have seen. No. It's homophobia, deliberate or otherwise.

@PunchyMojitos YADNBU and the ignorance on this thread is astounding! My parents (two women) have been together 38 years. They are almost exclusively given twin rooms, despite always requesting a double. 15+ years ago when I was still going on holiday with them, they would just accept it as they were too worried about the judgement & homophobic behaviour they would face. So they spent almost every single one of our family holidays unable to even cuddle up in bed as the beds would just part and they would end up on the floor. Just last year, they were given a twin on a holiday to Greece. When they requested a double they were told that the housekeeping would make it up into a double (one of those beds were they can lock two singles together). They spent the rest of their stay there being pointed at and sniggered about by the housekeeping staff. Depressingly, homophobia is still alive and kicking.

@Bleachmycloths

If you were trying to bait the original OP then you are also homophobic or otherwise a troll. I am reporting your post.

@TheNightKing ah that’s so sad! Not even a cuddle on their holidays

Perhaps ask yourself this question:

How would the hotel/receptionist know whether you wanted a twin or a double without asking you?

I suspect they get same sex friends going on trips together and sharing a room (but not really wanting to share a bed) as well as same sex partners (who do). How does a hotel distinguish between those two types of travellers without asking the question, or just being presumptuous?

Perhaps see it as a good thing that they’re just checking so you actually get what you want. I’d be pretty miffed if I was sharing a room with a male friend and the hotel didn’t check to see if we wanted separate beds and just made an assumption that we were a couple!!

I'd booked an accessible double room in a large London hotel. When we got to the room it quite clearly wasn't suitable for a disabled person, and the bathroom had no adaptations at all.

I immediately phoned down to reception to explain that I hadn't been given the room I'd booked. The receptionist said, oh I saw the accessible room booking but when you checked in you didn't "look disabled" so I changed it (without discussing it with me). She went on to say that people often booked disabled rooms when they don't actually need them! Really? Is that a thing?

I asked her what she thought a disabled person looked like? She couldn't answer.

I'm not a wheelchair user, so in her mind, I'm not disabled...I do use a walking stick though.

Not being unreasonable at all. I'm sure you're way more polite about it than you should be.

Having literally grown up in hotel/motel management (my mother managed them from the time I was in first grade until her death), I can tell you that you would be surprised at the number of people who prefer separate beds, even "conventional" couples. They are not singling you out at all, merely asking a routine question. There is nothing homophobic about it, nor is there any judgement about it. They are merely asking your preference. I can understand why you, in your situation, might take it wrongly, but please try not to make this very routine question personally.

@Mamanyt

Having literally grown up in hotel/motel management (my mother managed them from the time I was in first grade until her death), I can tell you that you would be surprised at the number of people who prefer separate beds, even "conventional" couples. They are not singling you out at all, merely asking a routine question. There is nothing homophobic about it, nor is there any judgement about it. They are merely asking your preference. I can understand why you, in your situation, might take it wrongly, but please try not to make this very routine question personally.

Are you allowed to “take it personally” if I comes with smirks or funny looks and raised eyebrows, or hotel managers coming up specially and asking you three days into your stay “are you really sure you don’t want us to convert the bed to a twin?” (France again, in an otherwise lovely boutique hotel but with a very nosy manager.)

Why haven’t I ever experienced any of that in a hotel with a male partner, ever, but lots of times with a female partner? Have you experienced both sides yourself?

So many people on this thread falling over themselves to discount the lived experiences of groups they’re not part of. I’m pretty thick skinned and don’t normally think of myself as oppressed, but it’s at times like this I really empathise with people of colour when their experiences of racism get routinely discounted as “oh no-one meant anything by it you’re just overreacting and imagining things, that happens to everyone!” Of course if you’re straight you never experience the slightly too intrusive or nosy emphasis, the funny looks or double takes, the smirks or comments from staff, etc.

Interestingly I don’t think I have ever experienced it in the US - where I’m inferring you’re from - I imagine because it’s more routine for friends to share rooms in the US as many hotels outside NYC have two queen beds in a room anyway. I’ve worked, studied and travelled in the US, and it was routine to share hotel rooms with other young women even if you didn’t know them that well or even at all - eg to split the cost of a 2-queen hotel room with someone else attending the same conference or university event or work trip. There would always be emails beforehand from the US women offering to share a room, whether on a college study trip or a work event.

That’s not so usual in Europe unless you are very close friends or sisters, as hotel rooms normally only have one queen bed or two singles. But it definitely varies from country to country.

@Mamanyt

Having literally grown up in hotel/motel management (my mother managed them from the time I was in first grade until her death), I can tell you that you would be surprised at the number of people who prefer separate beds, even "conventional" couples. They are not singling you out at all, merely asking a routine question. There is nothing homophobic about it, nor is there any judgement about it. They are merely asking your preference. I can understand why you, in your situation, might take it wrongly, but please try not to make this very routine question personally.

Conventional couples?

So on our honeymoon the receptionist trying to persuade us to have a twin room rather than the honeymoon suite three times was asking a routine question?

If it happens again- ‘oh would you like a twin room?’

Answer with -‘Why? We placed & have a confirmed booking for a double’

I totally get where you are coming from. It must be so frustrating! However I have come to offer a giggle-on the night of our wedding we booked a number of rooms at the hotel for us and a few guests who wanted to stay the night at the hotel where we had our reception. All rooms where booked using our names as the wedding couple, but ours was booked as THE wedding couple. End up in our room at the end of a loooong day to find we had two single beds. Not such a chore, we pushed them together and had a laugh and didn't let it bother us, until the following morning when we found out at breakfast that my very single brother had be given a double bed! No rhyme or reason, but it is something we still all chuckle about 2 decades later.