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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bday falls on SS weekend

256 replies

Driverssp · 09/01/2022 18:32

Dp is saying we will have to either do it a diff weekend or do something in the house or with kids.

My bday actually falls on a sat for once. We havent had a date night in forever because of a lot of crap thats gone on lately. Is it too much to ask that he be dropped to nans 5 mins down the rd for a couple of hours whilst we go out for my bday?

He comes over and is glued to PS5 we only see him for meal times or if we force him to come out. So why can he not game at nans for that time?

The thing that gets me is, DP will gladly work on the weekends he has him, so he cant be that bothered about quality time!

OP posts:
Boofay · 09/01/2022 20:03

I don't see an issue here either.
Either go out to dinner with your DH and step son or ask his Nan if she can babysit for a couple of hours. Contact doesn't need to change, you just need to work around kids like everyone else. It's my birthday tomorrow and we're doing FA. Birthdays are meh imo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bigger issues - SS is spending too much time on his PS5, dad is using his wife for childcare/not spending quality time with his son, and there's no bedtime routine for the fella. 3am is far too late for a 13yr old.

nuggetschicken · 09/01/2022 20:05

It's completely understandable that you want to spend quality time with your partner on your birthday! However, if it's not possible, then why don't you go for dinner with SS, OH drives and you have a few cocktails. I went bowling on my birthday with my partner and older child, that was fun. Just try and make the most of the situation.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/01/2022 20:05

Do you have friends or family you could go out with instead?

I’m guessing SS isn’t a good dinner companion. It’s a hard one to judge. I’m not sure either if you ABIU but I totally get why it feels like he’s fine to not spend time with his son for work but not for you. I think he just views work as work (even if optional hours) and anything else as his free time.

I bet SS would love a few hours of independence, especially with some pizza money or something.

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 09/01/2022 20:06

@Skeumorph

'Oh! Why that's fine of course. It's great that you've finally decided that the most important thing is spending time with SS when it's your contact time. I guess we'll miss the overtime money, but that's no problem. I've decided for my birthday I'm going to start evening classes now that I won't be required to look after SS on weekend ex-overtime nights, now that you won't be doing anything else on contact nights, so I'm really pleased that you have taken this step'
Absolutely this! ^^^
THisbackwithavengeance · 09/01/2022 20:07

Answer is simple. Why not have a birthday meal the 3 of you plus any other relative that might wish to come. I honestly don't understand why that wasn't your first option.

You can have your date night on non contact weekends, surely?

Original poster
Driverssp · 09/01/2022 20:07

@Redhotspicywine

Can’t your SS come out with you for the meal? Or you go out with your friends? Or you and DP go out Sunday when he has gone to his mums house? Seems really mean to exclude him.
Dont really fancy a grumpy teenager sitting on his phone being rude at my bday meal
OP posts:
User310 · 09/01/2022 20:08

Bloody hell, she only wants to go out for a meal with her husband on her birthday. The term baby sitter exists for a reason. SS is 13 and would be with his Nan, this is perfectly reasonable OP.

LethargicActress · 09/01/2022 20:09

Your SS is only with you every other weekend, he gets priority. Include him in birthday plans or have them any other time. It doesn’t really matter if SS chooses to spend his time in his PlayStation, his Dad should still be available for those few hours if he wants him.

flowersinherhairinjune · 09/01/2022 20:09

'Dont really fancy a grumpy teenager sitting on his phone being rude at my bday meal'

Well you're shit out of luck then, suck it up buttercup.

LittleGwyneth · 09/01/2022 20:10

@stayathomer

If someone has posted this about their biological child the answers would be COMPLETELY different Yes, because the biological child wouldn't be in a position where they might think they're just being left in a house that isn't their usual house
He's 13, not 3. He is presumably able to understand 'we'll be out for a couple of hours - shall we do something nice together as a family tomorrow?'
UsernameInTheTown · 09/01/2022 20:10

You're being taken for a mug OP. I'd go out with friends and stop being available to teensit.

Original poster
Driverssp · 09/01/2022 20:11

@stayathomer

If someone has posted this about their biological child the answers would be COMPLETELY different Yes, because the biological child wouldn't be in a position where they might think they're just being left in a house that isn't their usual house
I have a child too, who would go to family for the night.

Also i never said we are leaving him at home alone, i think people have heard what they want

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 09/01/2022 20:11

Well you're shit out of luck then, suck it up buttercup.

Wow, aren't you horrible.

Original poster
Driverssp · 09/01/2022 20:12

@User310

Bloody hell, she only wants to go out for a meal with her husband on her birthday. The term baby sitter exists for a reason. SS is 13 and would be with his Nan, this is perfectly reasonable OP.
Honestly! You would think i have suggested he disown his son to celebrate my birthday
OP posts:
rookiemere · 09/01/2022 20:15

But actually most 13 year olds are perfectly capable of being on their own for 2-3 hrs in the evening. Otherwise how do they grow up ?

stayathomer · 09/01/2022 20:18

I didn't even mean alone. I don't know OP, hope The night works out for you whatever way it goes. You all sound a bit stressed to be honest, hope you find a way to all have fun over the weekend, maybe try family games or something to get him off the psFlowers

flowersinherhairinjune · 09/01/2022 20:21

'I have a child too, who would go to family for the night.'

The difference being that presumably your child stays full time with you?

Chewbecca · 09/01/2022 20:25

Sounds fine to me

FingersofFish · 09/01/2022 20:26

I think YABU. You can either take him or go out another time, it sounds like his not with you every wknd and he won't necessarily be on this pattern after a few more years. I'd also stop being available to do childcare on weekends when SS is there but you may be happy with the arrangement.

Fundays12 · 09/01/2022 20:26

I would leave your partner to look after his son and go out with friends. If he doesn't want him to go to his nans on his contact weekend fair enough but doesn't mean you should miss out. Arrange a lunch and drinks with friends and leave them to it.

Chloemol · 09/01/2022 20:28

I would ask that he goes to grandparents whilst you go out

If dp says no then I am afraid i would advise that in future you won5 be watching him whilst he works

HTH1 · 09/01/2022 20:30

If it were me, I would go on date night on the Friday then all three have a more casual meal out (e.g. upmarket pizza if SS likes it) or takeaway with a nice bottle of something on the day itself. SS could take his to his room, if (and only if) he wanted to carry on gaming.

Benjispruce5 · 09/01/2022 20:32

@TracyMosby I was referring to him saying he couldn’t go out for a meal unless child included.

Azerothi · 09/01/2022 20:34

Your boyfriend sounds like he doesn't like either of you very much. It sounds as though he simply doesn't want to take you out for your birthday and is using the son he doesn't see that much as an excuse.

I would definitely reconsider the babysitting when your boyfriend is at work.

user1481840227 · 09/01/2022 20:39

Is it too much to ask that he be dropped to nans 5 mins down the rd for a couple of hours whilst we go out for my bday?

Who are you asking to drop him there?

If your OH isn't bothered about quality time with his son then I don't know why you would expect him to be different with you!

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