Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bday falls on SS weekend

256 replies

Driverssp · 09/01/2022 18:32

Dp is saying we will have to either do it a diff weekend or do something in the house or with kids.

My bday actually falls on a sat for once. We havent had a date night in forever because of a lot of crap thats gone on lately. Is it too much to ask that he be dropped to nans 5 mins down the rd for a couple of hours whilst we go out for my bday?

He comes over and is glued to PS5 we only see him for meal times or if we force him to come out. So why can he not game at nans for that time?

The thing that gets me is, DP will gladly work on the weekends he has him, so he cant be that bothered about quality time!

OP posts:
Feedingthebirds1 · 11/01/2022 16:57

If he loves evading his parental responsibilities I can't help wondering why he isn't keen to drop the lad with grandma and go out to party.

Because he's all about the show of being a responsible parent, not the reality.

Onlinedilema · 11/01/2022 21:19

No he should work on the weekends he doesn't have his child, you know like millions of mothers, myself included do.

Frankie20018 · 11/01/2022 22:27

OP if you're sure your SS would say no if you asked him to come could you not ask him for the sake of asking, then tell your partner you want to go out on your birthday and that SS has said he would rather play PlayStation at his Nans. You have my sympathies I would want a kid free night on my birthday too. You sound like you do a lot for him and your partner. It's the least you deserve x

Newmumatlast · 12/01/2022 15:05

@aSofaNearYou

Your DP is right. He is putting his child first. I personally would want this in a partner. I also would be happy, though, going for a meal with my DP and SC as a family on my birthday and then if I wanted a date night doing that separately

I'd be curious to know if you actually have step children. Not that I'm saying you definitely don't, but it's incredibly common on here for people to say things like they would be glad to have any manner of crap partner as long as there is an angle (in this case a very dubious one) from which it could be said they were putting their child first.

I don't think this is a case of a good dad putting his kid first at all, that's blatantly obvious from the context that he regularly leaves him with OP, and the level of parenting he does when he is there. But even if he WAS, a good dad does not = a good partner.

I do. One step daughter. Shes now an adult and step parented her from age 6 and continuing into adulthood. Contact was important to her and to my husband and not the same as if she was living with us and saw him more of the time. So yes, I would go out with her included and do something together in our own time. I didnt think it was positive for her to be left while we celebrated without her given she was already seeing him less than if they were still a family.

I may be biased as I grew up with parents together and we always shared celebratory events because we cared for and loved each other and spending time together. So now I have my own child, both my partner and I actually want to have our birthday dinners with her because actually we really value our time as a family.

I appreciate not everyone is the same. For us, date nights can be done any time. Celebrations are for family.

Newmumatlast · 12/01/2022 15:10

@echt

Your DP is right. He is putting his child first. I personally would want this in a partner. I also would be happy, though, going for a meal with my DP and SC as a family on my birthday and then if I wanted a date night doing that separately

Have you read the OP's OP ? The the DP gladly works weekends his son is at his home, leaving him in the the care of the OP.

He is a total derelict and slackers.

To you and @asofanearyou I had missed the bit about him working when he should be looking after his son.

That I think doesnt make him a good parent. It doesnt change my view on birthday meals but I agree a step parent isnt obligated to provide childcare and anything provided should be respected.

I used to provide childcare for my stepdaughter when both of her parents had to work because they were bringing in money for their respective household bills but only to the extent I was happy with and during school holidays. I wouldnt have been as content doing it for overtime unless the overtime benefited my household as a whole, me included, and even then wouldnt be happy - and wouldve raised it with him - if this meant he effectively wasnt seeing his child which is the point of contact.

I am an advocate for childs best interests and I dont think that father's actions here follow that either in respect of the overtime unless child would be destitute without it (which I get no sense of). But as I said it still doesnt change my view re birthday meal being able to be them as a family with a date night another time

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/01/2022 15:19

Why does the dad work when he has his son

Get granny to come to yours and sit on sofa while he games upstairs

Tho at 13 sure be ok fir 2/3hrs alone

Sure he gets himself to school alone

New posts on this thread. Refresh page