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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bday falls on SS weekend

256 replies

Driverssp · 09/01/2022 18:32

Dp is saying we will have to either do it a diff weekend or do something in the house or with kids.

My bday actually falls on a sat for once. We havent had a date night in forever because of a lot of crap thats gone on lately. Is it too much to ask that he be dropped to nans 5 mins down the rd for a couple of hours whilst we go out for my bday?

He comes over and is glued to PS5 we only see him for meal times or if we force him to come out. So why can he not game at nans for that time?

The thing that gets me is, DP will gladly work on the weekends he has him, so he cant be that bothered about quality time!

OP posts:
TracyMosby · 09/01/2022 19:46

@Benjispruce5

Be grateful you’re with a man who takes his parenting responsibility seriously.
Leaving him with someone else to look after when it suits him, but not when it isnt directly for him is not taking your parenting responsibilities seriously. Allowing a 13 year old child to game for hours and hours, until 3am is not taking you responsibilities seriously.
DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 09/01/2022 19:46

@AnneLovesGilbert

Cannot role my eyes hard enough at the “good dad putting his kid first” bullshit. He doesn’t put his son first when he chooses to do extra voluntary overtime instead of spending time with him. He’s neglectful in the extreme to let a 13 year old stay up so late on a regular basis. He’s a shoddy, lazy, entitled partner to expect OP to do more parenting than he does leaving his son with her while he buggers off to his job.

OP, it’s your birthday, celebrate it, arrange anything you’d enjoy with people who love you and don’t take the piss out of you.

And assess what you’re getting from this set up. What would happen if you had plans when he expected you to stay home with the son he can’t be bothered to prioritise on a normal weekend? Do it. See how he reacts and you’ll know what you need to.

To the people with such despicably low expectations of a man who’s a parent, ffs raise your standards. Pathetic.

I agree entirely OP make plans that don’t invokes being home at all for your birthday day not just the going out for dinner part See what his “father” does then
Bluebluemoon · 09/01/2022 19:47

There is no way I would be leaving my very sensible 13 year old home alone in their own home

That's your own neuroses kicking in though.

Absolutely acceptable for a 13 yo to be left alone for a few hours so long as you're not too far away and are contactable.

God help some parents in a few years time when their dc's are out til all hours, getting drunk at parties and bringing home their latest bf who goes by the name of "slasher".

JSL52 · 09/01/2022 19:48

I'd be 'busy' next time he chose to work on a Saturday.
I'd also make plans with friends for my birthday.

Willyoujustbequiet · 09/01/2022 19:49

Poor kid

How often does he have him?

If its EOW yabu. You're an adult, just celebrate another night.

sadpapercourtesan · 09/01/2022 19:49

I would celebrate your birthday on a different night. EOW contact is already disruptive enough for a young teenager without being dumped on his nan at random as well.

The antisocial hours and gaming aren't that unusual for a teenage boy. Parenting teens is an art, not a science, and I wouldn't judge his mother's choices there without knowing a lot more.

Leaving a child with a stepparent while you work overtime - presumably for money the family needs - is a completely different thing to going on an adults' night out during the child's contact time. Surely you see that.

stayathomer · 09/01/2022 19:50

Is his work negotiable though? It sounds like hes in the pub but it's work! Could you all do a family celebration instead? Go out to dinner or something?

Bluebluemoon · 09/01/2022 19:50

I think people are being crazy. Of course it's ok to go to for a few hours to celebrate your birthday and leave SS with his nan.

Yes but OP is a stepmum - it's never ok for a stepmum to do this or anything else on MN.

SergeiL · 09/01/2022 19:50

I wouldn’t say it is neuroses and I did say we are all different! As are all children. But yes - go ahead and be rude if it makes you feel better!

gamerchick · 09/01/2022 19:52

You don't need your bloke to celebrate your birthday. leave him at home.

I'd be knocking on the head of the overtime though. He needs to spend some time with his kid.

gamerchick · 09/01/2022 19:52

And take no notice of the stepmother bashers. They're are tiresum on every single thread.

LittleGwyneth · 09/01/2022 19:54

If someone has posted this about their biological child the answers would be COMPLETELY different. Come on, spending the weekend together and then going out for two hours in the evening is perfectly reasonable. Stop holding step parents (mothers) to ridiculous standards.

Thicklegs · 09/01/2022 19:54

Can you go bowling with SS and partner in the afternoon and get a burger. Then drop him off at Nans for a few hours whilst you go out for a meal? His nan gets to see him too and everyone is happy.

You are allowed to be put first occasionally. You have to remember a lot of people on here hate the new partner and whatever you say/think will be wrong. Xx

aSofaNearYou · 09/01/2022 19:55

YANBU and your DP takes you for granted.

sadpapercourtesan · 09/01/2022 19:56

If I only had my biological child EOW, I certainly wouldn't dump him on a relative and go out for an evening, birthday or no birthday. And his father clearly doesn't want to, does he?

Not everything is about "bashing stepmums", ffs. In this case it's simply about the kid, and the fact that it's quite a shoddy way to treat him.

BobbyeinArkansas · 09/01/2022 19:56

I’d probably tell my husband that I wouldn’t be available to mind his son when he chose to work during his contact weekend, if he can’t be bothered to spend your birthday with you. Because using him as an excuse not to celebrate your birthday makes no sense if he happily works during contact weekends.

aSofaNearYou · 09/01/2022 19:57

@Benjispruce5

Be grateful you’re with a man who takes his parenting responsibility seriously.
OP has very little to be grateful for here, what a ridiculous notion.
Willyoujustbequiet · 09/01/2022 19:58

It's not step mum bashing

I would say the same of anyone if it was EOW contact. It could be argued that the OP comes first the other 26 days a month.

wingardium8 · 09/01/2022 19:59

Can’t say I blame OP. SS is seemingly only a priority to DP when it suits him and then OP can get stuffed, regardless of her feelings.

I get it OP. I bet you wouldn’t mind rescheduling your birthday if DP actually was going to spend time with SS, but he obviously won’t bother. (Which is not right, of corse, but not up to OP, who clearly steps up when necessary).

I’d second those suggesting both a night out with friends instead, and refusing to do childcare if DP has made an avoidable choice to work on a contact weekend.

aSofaNearYou · 09/01/2022 19:59

@SergeiL

Let alone a stepmom who is more interested in date night than step parenting every other weekend.
What's this supposed to mean? Is this supposed to be a shameful thing?
SergeiL · 09/01/2022 19:59

If someone has posted this about their biological child the answers would be COMPLETELY different.

I agree about the different answers. If this was about a biological dad who wouldn’t see his child for several weeks due to the birthday of the partner, people would have lots to say.

WonderfulYou · 09/01/2022 20:00

YABVU
surely you don’t need to celebrate your birthday on the actual day?

Why not have a mini celebration on the day and then go away for the weekend the weekend before or after?

arethereanyleftatall · 09/01/2022 20:02

This just sounds like an all round shit show

WonderfulYou · 09/01/2022 20:02

If I only had my biological child EOW, I certainly wouldn't dump him on a relative and go out for an evening, birthday or no birthday. And his father clearly doesn't want to, does he?

I agree but some people are just shit parents.

stayathomer · 09/01/2022 20:03

If someone has posted this about their biological child the answers would be COMPLETELY different
Yes, because the biological child wouldn't be in a position where they might think they're just being left in a house that isn't their usual house

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