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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bday falls on SS weekend

256 replies

Driverssp · 09/01/2022 18:32

Dp is saying we will have to either do it a diff weekend or do something in the house or with kids.

My bday actually falls on a sat for once. We havent had a date night in forever because of a lot of crap thats gone on lately. Is it too much to ask that he be dropped to nans 5 mins down the rd for a couple of hours whilst we go out for my bday?

He comes over and is glued to PS5 we only see him for meal times or if we force him to come out. So why can he not game at nans for that time?

The thing that gets me is, DP will gladly work on the weekends he has him, so he cant be that bothered about quality time!

OP posts:
WorriedGiraffe · 09/01/2022 18:57

Not really a ‘date night’ with a teenage stepson staying over anyway! Going out for a meal that your step son isn’t invited to is different to your DH working, he has to work! I agree to it the night before or move to a different weekend. It’s a shame but it’s part having kids/being married to someone with kids.

Original poster
Driverssp · 09/01/2022 18:58

@MolkosTeenageAngst

He’s not necessarily being unreasonable to want to spend time with his SS when he’s there, however I would definitely bear it in mind and refuse to babysit your SS next time your partner has work on a weekend, you can point out he has made it clear his priority is his SS and so surely he needs to cancel work.
Its just that those 2/3 hours he wouldnt see him anyway as he is glued to the PS.

Theres no time being spent. If there was then i wouldnt even consider us going out

OP posts:
Original poster
Driverssp · 09/01/2022 18:59

@WorriedGiraffe

Not really a ‘date night’ with a teenage stepson staying over anyway! Going out for a meal that your step son isn’t invited to is different to your DH working, he has to work! I agree to it the night before or move to a different weekend. It’s a shame but it’s part having kids/being married to someone with kids.
He doesnt have to work its chosen overtime
OP posts:
NatashaBedwouldbenice · 09/01/2022 18:59

I feel sorry for this lad.

NatashaBedwouldbenice · 09/01/2022 19:00

You must have known, when you wrote this post, that people would be far more interested in these wider problems than your birthday? What did you expect from this thread?

PinkSyCo · 09/01/2022 19:00

Surely at 13 he could stay home alone for a couple of hours while you go out?

Original poster
Driverssp · 09/01/2022 19:08

@PinkSyCo

Surely at 13 he could stay home alone for a couple of hours while you go out?
Not my call though. They say too young.
OP posts:
Cherrytart23 · 09/01/2022 19:10

Ss is a teen why can he not just stay in the house alone for couple of hours.

Wrinklyeyes · 09/01/2022 19:13

Too young to stay at home alone but not too young to stay up until 3am gaming? Confused

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 09/01/2022 19:14

@AnotherSillawithanS

Your dp, is putting his child first. Bravo.
this

go out another weekend with DP

or have your birthday night with friends instead.

flowersinherhairinjune · 09/01/2022 19:15

You'll have to do it a weekend or another night that your partner doesn't have his son. And good on him for saying that. His son, quite rightly comes before you or your birthday, regardless whether it falls on a Saturday or not.

SergeiL · 09/01/2022 19:18

Blimey. Poor kid. No way my 13 year old would be staying home alone, up until 3am or treated like that by his dad. If you want your own kids, I would seriously rethink your relationship.

Redhotspicywine · 09/01/2022 19:18

Can’t your SS come out with you for the meal? Or you go out with your friends? Or you and DP go out Sunday when he has gone to his mums house? Seems really mean to exclude him.

MostlyHappyMummy · 09/01/2022 19:18

Why is SS visiting when his dad chooses to work instead of seeing him?
A very bizarre situation.
And why do you give up your day to mind him?
Can't quite get my head around this.

SergeiL · 09/01/2022 19:19

Let alone a stepmom who is more interested in date night than step parenting every other weekend.

Hyppogriff · 09/01/2022 19:20

13 and 3am? Thanks obscene
Also are you also 13 demanding to go out on your birthday night ? Grow up - pick a different night

esloquehay · 09/01/2022 19:22

Your partner sounds like a pretty father tbh, however yes, you are being unreasonable to want to go out with your partner on a weekend that he has his son.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 09/01/2022 19:22

@SergeiL

Let alone a stepmom who is more interested in date night than step parenting every other weekend.
It's her birthday. And did you miss the bit about her parenting when his dad decides to work? Bore off.
toomuchlaundry · 09/01/2022 19:22

Poor sod doesn’t seem to get any parenting at either house

How is he doing at school if he games to 3am?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 09/01/2022 19:23

I don't see the issue tbh op. As you say it's not about quality time and why shouldn't you go out on your birthday!

SergeiL · 09/01/2022 19:23

Did you miss my other post about just that point about the way the father treats him? I feel sympathy for the child. The adults all need to reassess.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 09/01/2022 19:26

@SergeiL

Did you miss my other post about just that point about the way the father treats him? I feel sympathy for the child. The adults all need to reassess.
Well his actual parents need to reassess yes. Op doesn't as he's not her child, she doesn't get a say in bedtime or contact, clearly, although she is used as an unpaid childminder. I'd knock that on the head personally.
PenelopePitstop79 · 09/01/2022 19:28

I would do something that weekend like go out for a day time/early evening meal and invite SS along. He mightn't be interested but it would be nice for him to feel invited. You could always have a second celebration another night!

SuPerDoPer · 09/01/2022 19:28

The step son is being treated like an annoying piece of baggage that gets in the way and no one wants to take responsibility for. I get that it's not up to you, as a step mum, to show this kid some attention and decent boundaries but he's clearly an irritation to you.

twominutesmore · 09/01/2022 19:30

I don't think you can compare working overtime with a night out really.

He can tell his son he's got to work without feeling any guilt, but saying you're going to nan's so we can have a night out is different imo.

Either include him, go out with friends instead or plan something for another night with your dp.