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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bday falls on SS weekend

256 replies

Driverssp · 09/01/2022 18:32

Dp is saying we will have to either do it a diff weekend or do something in the house or with kids.

My bday actually falls on a sat for once. We havent had a date night in forever because of a lot of crap thats gone on lately. Is it too much to ask that he be dropped to nans 5 mins down the rd for a couple of hours whilst we go out for my bday?

He comes over and is glued to PS5 we only see him for meal times or if we force him to come out. So why can he not game at nans for that time?

The thing that gets me is, DP will gladly work on the weekends he has him, so he cant be that bothered about quality time!

OP posts:
Tulipomania · 09/01/2022 19:31

Why can't you take your step son out to dinner with you and celebrate your birthday as a family?

SergeiL · 09/01/2022 19:32

The whole thing is shit. This is a young child.

And if this was a post the other way around - DS due to go to this dad’s this weekend but now going to grandparents instead (because it’s exDH girlfriend’s birthday which apparently they cannot celebrate on any other day) meaning DS won’t see his dad for another 4 weeks … could imagine what people would say!

BungleandGeorge · 09/01/2022 19:32

You refer to ‘kids’, are there other kids in the household? If it’s a case of being restricted because you didn’t have any child free evenings and childcare only at weekends fair enough. Otherwise I’d just go on a night when you’re not responsible for any children. Or move whatever it is you’re doing on the weekends before/ after your birthday.

Lovemusic33 · 09/01/2022 19:34

Your a adult, surely it doesn’t matter if you celebrate another night? Or you could have a meal out or take away with step son? It really wouldn’t bother me, I always have my kids on my birthday and usually take them for a meal with me (teens) or celebrate at home with them. I would never want a child to think my birthday trumps their contact with their parent?

rwalker · 09/01/2022 19:34

Your not 12 do it another night

ivykaty44 · 09/01/2022 19:34

id make arrangements with friends for a nice afternoon tea or something on your actual birthday

then let dp take you out another time or the Sunday can't you all go out for a lunchtime meal?

Skeumorph · 09/01/2022 19:34

'Oh! Why that's fine of course. It's great that you've finally decided that the most important thing is spending time with SS when it's your contact time. I guess we'll miss the overtime money, but that's no problem. I've decided for my birthday I'm going to start evening classes now that I won't be required to look after SS on weekend ex-overtime nights, now that you won't be doing anything else on contact nights, so I'm really pleased that you have taken this step'

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 09/01/2022 19:35

@flowersinherhairinjune

You'll have to do it a weekend or another night that your partner doesn't have his son. And good on him for saying that. His son, quite rightly comes before you or your birthday, regardless whether it falls on a Saturday or not.
This. You said you can do the weekend previous or after because you're busy so you can't swap seeing SS to then. Does that mean you wouldn't see SS for three weeks?
Benjispruce5 · 09/01/2022 19:36

Be grateful you’re with a man who takes his parenting responsibility seriously.

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/01/2022 19:37

Of course you can go out in the evening. Insist, ring his gran to arrange babysitting and book a table.

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 09/01/2022 19:37

Poor kid.

NerrSnerr · 09/01/2022 19:37

Go out on any other night that week.

Bluebluemoon · 09/01/2022 19:38

13 is absolutely old enough to be left alone for a few hours - that's ridiculous!

But if your dp is making a silly point about it I'd either just go out and take ds with you or go out with your mates,

And make sure you don't look after ds when your dp is working any more - after all if he can't go out for a meal and leave ds with his Nan he can't reasonably expect to go out to work and leave ds with you.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 09/01/2022 19:38

Neither of you sound particularly interested in putting the child before your own lives.

I feel sorry for him.

His weekend is paramount.

rookiemere · 09/01/2022 19:38

@Benjispruce5

Be grateful you’re with a man who takes his parenting responsibility seriously.
Well not that seriously or OP wouldn't be looking after him frequently as he is working, nor would his 13 year old DS be allowed to game until 3am.
2gorgeousboys · 09/01/2022 19:38

I'm with your DH on this one (and have been a step mum for over 20 years). Why not have a date night on Friday night if DSS comes on Saturdays and then go out for a meal to celebrate as a family on your actual birthday.

SergeiL · 09/01/2022 19:40

Well we are all very different clearly. There is no way I would be leaving my very sensible 13 year old home alone in their own home, let alone home alone in their dad’s home whilst he is out on a ‘date night’.

RedskyThisNight · 09/01/2022 19:41

If SS is 13, then just go out for a couple of hours. No babysitter needed.
Or if this is unacceptable go out on Friday/Thursday/whatever night instead?

non issue really.

KiloWhat · 09/01/2022 19:42

Either do a family thing with SS, go our with out DP and have a great time, or wait and have it later.

Bluebluemoon · 09/01/2022 19:43

Be grateful you’re with a man who takes his parenting responsibility seriously.

Yes, be grateful woman. You chose a man who already had a child so if he decides he's going to go out to work all weekend you should just suck it up and provide the childcare - wanting to go out and leave him for a few hours with his Nan on your birthday is the desire of a selfish cow!!!

You will NEVER go out on your birthday again if it falls on a day you have SS (even though he's perfectly old enough to be left alone)!!! Got it??

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 09/01/2022 19:43

@Driverssp

It’s not your call re his bedtime but they’re both happy for you to look after their kid?
Fuck that

StrangerThanSpring · 09/01/2022 19:44

I think people are being crazy. Of course it's ok to go to for a few hours to celebrate your birthday and leave SS with his nan.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2022 19:44

Cannot role my eyes hard enough at the “good dad putting his kid first” bullshit. He doesn’t put his son first when he chooses to do extra voluntary overtime instead of spending time with him. He’s neglectful in the extreme to let a 13 year old stay up so late on a regular basis. He’s a shoddy, lazy, entitled partner to expect OP to do more parenting than he does leaving his son with her while he buggers off to his job.

OP, it’s your birthday, celebrate it, arrange anything you’d enjoy with people who love you and don’t take the piss out of you.

And assess what you’re getting from this set up. What would happen if you had plans when he expected you to stay home with the son he can’t be bothered to prioritise on a normal weekend? Do it. See how he reacts and you’ll know what you need to.

To the people with such despicably low expectations of a man who’s a parent, ffs raise your standards. Pathetic.

Darkstar4855 · 09/01/2022 19:44

Why on earth is your partner letting him stay up until 3am?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/01/2022 19:45

go for a meal and take ss with you