To tell OH I am no longer washing his dirty pants?!

[GrilledCheese27]

Name changed to avoid being linked to my pregnancy/bump group!

Together 3 years, great relationship, amazing man. Currently expecting our first baby together. BUT (and it's a big but!)...

The man has skid marks in his boxers almost daily. I've broached the subject numerous times, told him to sort it out. Wipe properly (he says he does, but sometimes it's "impossible to, it'll take ages" (?!). The final straw was this morning as I was making the bed. Skidmarks on the bottom sheet. When he came upstairs to say goodbye before he left for work I told him he needs to change the sheets. There is shit marks and I am not touching it. I also told him I'm no longer washing his boxers.

He does have IBS, he is a very (read EXTREMELY) windy person and I don't mind this as it clearly cannot be helped. Wiping your arse properly is a choice though! I'm 29 weeks pregnant with a very annoying hemmeroid and my pants are always clean! He showers every single morning without fail so he's generally a very hygienic person.

I don't want to embarrass him but I don't want to be involved in the shit show, literally! I am going to ask him to wear pyjamas in bed from now on but is it an overreaction to ask him to perhaps go to the Dr's?!

No you’re not overreacting, it’s grim, and yes he should see a doctor.

Unfortunately (perhaps TMI) with IBS it’s possible and quite common to wipe yourself clean and then be dirty again soon afterwards because of anal leakage (faecal incontinence). But that doesn’t mean it should just be ignored and he should be dealing with it.

I suggest he makes an appt.with the GP this is not good and really horrible for you .He needs to look at his diet has he tried gluten free made a huge difference to so many people.Worth a try ,good luck.In the meantime tell him to wash his own boxers and wear boxers in bed till he sorts it.Who diagnosed the IBS?

Wet wipes and nappy sacks
If its medical I wouldn't embarrass him over this
It's not really a big deal and easily sorted

That's so grim

This is grim. I would neither be wasting his keks or sharing a bed with him

He's a grown man so he can do his own laundry..... simple as that 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think if you stop washing his boxers then he'll soon start cleaning himself more thoroughly. I'd give this a go first before suggesting he goes to the Dr. to be shown how to wipe his arse as it's likely not a medical issue and he just isn't taking time to clean himself.

I don't want to embarrass him

I wouldn't worry about that, Grilled.

A man who is unruffled about letting another human scrub his shitty pants for him, & who blithely expects someone else to clean his skiddy sheets is going to be impossible to embarrass.

He doesn't need to go to the doc's unless his IBS is flaring up.
He needs to be told in no uncertain terms that his nonsense about wiping his bum "taking too long" is untenable.

I could not live with someone who expected me to clean their shit.
Does he ever clean the bog btw? - or engage in any housework? Because this level of entitlement is frankly mindboggling - he obviously thinks you are there to skivvy for him.

I think you're being a bit unfair. If he's got IBS he can't help it sometimes. Yes, I agree he needs to see a doctor. Surely it's the washing machine that is washing his boxers unless you're doing them by hand. Just ask him to put them in the machine himself, no need for a big fuss.

Yes, no nakedness in bed if he is leaving skids there. He needs to wash his arse after if he can't manage with loo roll alone, not acceptable for an adult to be like this. He needs to get help with is condition if he is wiping well and it's still happening. Crack wax could help, not that many are willing.

You're going to have the pant skids with child in the future so you're well prepped.

Why do you wash his pants anyway? Does he not know how to operate the washing machine? Saves so many arguments and resentment to just wash your own clothes. Bedsheets are obviously different but wearing pants to bed would help with that.

My dh does his own laundry. Many reasons why, one being washing colours and darks together. I do mine and dds only. Your oh can do his own too. You’ll have plenty of laundry to do when baby arrives.

Tell him you’re also not having sex until this is sorted. I personally wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who had a dirty bum 💩

Try using moist wet wipes (I know!! The Sainsburys ones are totally biodegradable as they fall apart when agitated in water) They really do get rid of the last vestiges. In addition, if he's windy that could cause the problem described

What a turn off

I wouldn’t set out to embarrass him, but this is grim. He is clearly totally inconsiderate of you - and if you don’t draw a line op it is going to get worse. Does he think because you see about to have a baby you won’t mind cleaning up his shit as well as the baby’s?

He needs to take wet wipes etc with him if he can’t be arsed to wipe his arse properly. And get the wet loo roll thing at home.

He needs to sort his diet out so he isn’t farting so violently in bed he’s leaving skid marks. Could see the GP or just try diet changes first. Also try something like symprove and/or eat to improve gut Flora - It’s not normal to fart like this - some people cannot help it, but it doesn’t sound like he’s trying at all.

Absolutely stop involving yourself with his pants and any soiled sheets. That will help motivate him.

Flushable wet wipes instead of toilet paper

No decent human expects another person to sleep in a bed with their shit on the sheets. Either it's medical and he goes to the doctors or its laziness and he wipes his arse properly. And he definitely needs to wear something in bed so he's not wiping shit all over you and your bed.

Thanks all.

He pulls his weight in every respect, he does his fair share of the housework, on his days off he will do the washing and on my days off I will do it. I think I will just leave his boxers in the washing basket from now on and just do the rest. I've left the bed for today. He comes home at 4pm and I'm out until 6pm now so I really hope when I get back he's sorted it and I don't have to prompt him.

I think part of his resistance is because he's embarrassed but that doesn't seem to motivate him to do anything about it.

No wet wipes are flushable @LuckyWithMyLot only Paper Pee Poo should go in

He can still use wipes but bin them - same as tampons and sanitary towels.

A more eco solution would be a wash though

@LuckyWithMyLot

Flushable wet wipes instead of toilet paper

Please do not flush 'flushable wet wipes ' sorry link to an old article but I'm not aware products have improved www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-46188354

A man who is unruffled about letting another human scrub his shitty pants for him

Scrub his pants? Does the OP do all her washing by hand in the village stream?

Assuming this is real…. The sheet, fine you’d notice, but how do you notice the inside contents of pants? I never look, just chuck everything in the machine?

Lots of use of the word grim here to describe a medical condition!
He needs to see a doctor as this sounds quite serious. Its obviously a medical problem rather than a personal hygiene one.
For his own dignity he needs to wear boxers in bed and learn how to set up a 60° wash.

I think part of his resistance is because he's embarrassed but that doesn't seem to motivate him to do anything about it.

I disagree he can’t be that embarrassed as he’s leaving them for you to deal with?

I would go fucking nuclear at ‘it’s impossible it will take me ages’ too.

I have IBD and will say flushable moist toilet paper can still potentially cause blockages in pipes, but you can get a cleansing spray to use on toilet paper that helps you clean yourself. I can recommend it. He just needs to do that, no questions or arguments.

People are a bit out of touch with moist toilet tissue, it seems. Andrex flushable wipes decompose like toilet paper. They are certified flushable. www.andrex.co.uk/flushability

Therefore, he should be using these and not leaving poo on his bottom.