To tell OH I am no longer washing his dirty pants?!

[GrilledCheese27]

Name changed to avoid being linked to my pregnancy/bump group!

Together 3 years, great relationship, amazing man. Currently expecting our first baby together. BUT (and it's a big but!)...

The man has skid marks in his boxers almost daily. I've broached the subject numerous times, told him to sort it out. Wipe properly (he says he does, but sometimes it's "impossible to, it'll take ages" (?!). The final straw was this morning as I was making the bed. Skidmarks on the bottom sheet. When he came upstairs to say goodbye before he left for work I told him he needs to change the sheets. There is shit marks and I am not touching it. I also told him I'm no longer washing his boxers.

He does have IBS, he is a very (read EXTREMELY) windy person and I don't mind this as it clearly cannot be helped. Wiping your arse properly is a choice though! I'm 29 weeks pregnant with a very annoying hemmeroid and my pants are always clean! He showers every single morning without fail so he's generally a very hygienic person.

I don't want to embarrass him but I don't want to be involved in the shit show, literally! I am going to ask him to wear pyjamas in bed from now on but is it an overreaction to ask him to perhaps go to the Dr's?!

@FlasherMcGruff

People are a bit out of touch with moist toilet tissue, it seems. Andrex flushable wipes decompose like toilet paper. They are certified flushable. www.andrex.co.uk/flushability

Therefore, he should be using these and not leaving poo on his bottom.

My plumber said even moist toilet tissue can cause problems. I use wipes sometimes which get folded and binned.

Oh dear op I do feel for you!!. My dh unfortunately has had it drummed into him not to waste loo paper so he doesn't use enough. I often joke about having to get tongs to pick them up.

He doesn't understand or get it.

Thankfully however we've never ever had skid marks on the bed.

Can you get one of these hose things by the loo?.
And secondly put a special plastic sheet down his side of the bed??

Lots of use of the word grim here to describe a medical condition!

The shitty sheets are grim, not the medical condition.

I would ensure he wears pants in bed. If he is leaving skid marks on the sheets, the poo could reach his penis and therefore your vagina and give you both urinary track infections.

My husband used to get them a lot and they stopped once he started wearing pants in bed.

In his case, he wasn't even leaving skid marks on the sheets, but he would sweat a lot which was probably where the bacteria were coming from.

@LuckyWithMyLot

Flushable wet wipes instead of toilet paper

They still cause problems.

All he needs to do is put a bit of liquid soap on the toilet paper and then wet it a bit and then use it to wipe himself.

He needs to do this as many times as needed until he is clean.

You need baby wipes and / or a bidet. Problem sorted.

He needs to take better care of his arse. Aside from the obvious problems the skin around his butthole can become damaged/irritated.

It’s important to clean properly, even if this means several times a day.

If he sleeps naked with a bum dirty enough to leave poo on the sheets, I don’t care how hygienic you say he is, that is really unpleasant. And after being hot in bed all night, it must smell.

Long Covid after Covid in early 2020 really messed with my lungs, bladder, bowels and stomach.
I found the bowel issues the most difficult and embarrassing to cope with.

As a grown up woman though I dealt with it myself AND I went to my GP who organised the appropriate medication and support for all these issues. Thankfully although I will probably always have some difficulties all the symptoms have eased with medication and changes to diet.

I found Wype really useful as wipes can't be flushed.

Please encourage your partner to go to GP, They have seen everything before and are always, in my experience, respectful and kind if you say I hate talking about this.
Or he could access the surgery's online service where you cant explain problems via text/email rather speaking to a person if that is off putting for him.

@ShirleyPhallus

A man who is unruffled about letting another human scrub his shitty pants for him

Scrub his pants? Does the OP do all her washing by hand in the village stream?

Assuming this is real…. The sheet, fine you’d notice, but how do you notice the inside contents of pants? I never look, just chuck everything in the machine?

Shit doesn't just wash out, it needs a pre-scrub @ShirleyPhallus. And I'd be entirely disinclined to put shit in with the washing load ... ugh!

I agree he needs to see a doctor.

He needs to do all of the washing from now on (I’m not sure why he hasn’t said this himself) and you can swap it for one of his jobs to make it fair.

But how do you know it’s there @ChargingBuck? Do you do a thorough inspection of all pants prior to putting them in the machine?

Do remember everyone - there are frequent poo trolls on here….. Don’t share personal stories for them to enjoy.

@Mamamia7962

I think you're being a bit unfair. If he's got IBS he can't help it sometimes. Yes, I agree he needs to see a doctor. Surely it's the washing machine that is washing his boxers unless you're doing them by hand. Just ask him to put them in the machine himself, no need for a big fuss.

This is bullshit. My DH has Crohn's (much more serious than IBS) and still manages to wipe his arse properly.

I couldn't stay with a man like that OP, it's absolutely disgusting behaviour.

@ShirleyPhallus

But how do you know it’s there *@ChargingBuck*? Do you do a thorough inspection of all pants prior to putting them in the machine?

I'm lucky enough not to shit my pants Shirley, & I'm not responsible for anyone else's washing, so no need.

I imagine OP's nose tells her there is shit in her laundry basket. And certainly in when it's in her bed.

Fgs change the sheets, it’s grim to leave them. They could be in the drier by now.

Don’t believe that for a second, I don’t think you could smell a little skiddy through the reems of laundry as you’re loading it in to the machine. Something afoot here.

@IamEarthymama

Long Covid after Covid in early 2020 really messed with my lungs, bladder, bowels and stomach. I found the bowel issues the most difficult and embarrassing to cope with.

As a grown up woman though I dealt with it myself AND I went to my GP who organised the appropriate medication and support for all these issues. Thankfully although I will probably always have some difficulties all the symptoms have eased with medication and changes to diet.

I found Wype really useful as wipes can't be flushed.

Please encourage your partner to go to GP, They have seen everything before and are always, in my experience, respectful and kind if you say I hate talking about this.
Or he could access the surgery's online service where you cant explain problems via text/email rather speaking to a person if that is off putting for him.

Yes, this looks perfect, thank you. I actually make my own is a travel toiletry bottle with liquid soap and water for when I am outside the house.

wypeuk.com/products/clean-butt-bundle?variant=37694641307797&currency=GBP&utmmedium=productsync&utmsource=google&utmcontent=sagorganic&utmcampaign=sagorganic&gclid=CjwKCAiArOqOBhBmEiwAsgeLmQWd1tl52dVKrKNHz5QdnVwKM4ox3D9fWpaPOyRcbhBmPbA7F7EeRoC9lYQAvD_BwE

@ShirleyPhallus

Don’t believe that for a second, I don’t think you could smell a little skiddy through the reems of laundry as you’re loading it in to the machine. Something afoot here.

What is so unbelievable?

If the pants were inside out and light coloured then she would see the skid marks as she was sorting the laundry.

We cloth nappy our baby, and also use reusable wipes for both baby and us . I’m never going back to paper now - it is so much easier to stay clean with wipes! I have made ours from an old bath towel and just overlocked the edges. But you can buy them from places like “cheeky wipes” with all the kit. I just wash them with the nappies.

He needs to start washing himself after her goes to the toilet. Tissue is not enough.

That is fucking grim. Sod his embarrassment, the fact that you've told him and he's still done nothing about it shows a massive lack of respect towards you - he's OK with you clearing up his shit?!! Who does he think you are?

Install one of these. Cleans better and less paper usage.

I would be suggesting all the washing ideas on here and also wearing incontinence pads/seeing his GP.

@ShirleyPhallus

Don’t believe that for a second, I don’t think you could smell a little skiddy through the reems of laundry as you’re loading it in to the machine. Something afoot here.

Something abum, surely Shirley?

Wet wipes but don't flush them. Andrex wetlets or similar.