To want dd to tell me where she is getting this money from

[Curato]

Dd is in her second year at university and for Christmas she bought ds a laptop. I thought this was a lot to have spent so I looked it up and it must’ve cost her around £600. I asked her about it and she said she could afford it and loves her brother etc so I accepted it.

It was ds 16th birthday on Friday and for that she bought him a new IPhone and Apple Watch.

I spoke to her and said I noticed she had spent a lot of money on ds for Christmas and his birthday as she is a student with a part time job in retail.

She then said she has a little extra thing on the side which is going really well. When I asked what this was she refused to tell me.

I spoke to DH who said she is an adult and doesn’t have to justify herself to me anymore and I should respect her decision. I am really worried though that she has become embroiled in something though.

AIBU to speak to her again and insist she tells me what she is doing to generate this money or do I need to cut the apron strings.

Wreath21 No,no. No Wahhing here. Nobody has to stop doing anything they want. You're a bit weird 🤣

At the end of the day @Curato as she’s a young adult, you can only advise her, you can’t make her stop what she’s doing. Sometimes the money is too much to make the person stop and realise they are being exploited, the only thing you can do is support her and discourage what she’s doing.

Onlyfans and other sites along a similar vein can seem easy money. Loads are at it. Same as I knew several students doing escort work when I was at uni.
I'd always worry that there is a digital footprint somewhere. Or a stalker.
But loads of young women find it empowering. They just see it as using their assets to make cash. And don't care about their clients as they are not seen etc

Women on onlyfans are encouraged to lie about their earnings because it is a MLM scheme. If you sign people up, you get a percentage of their earnings. So the more people they sign up, the more money they get.
So don't believe what you hear. Most do not make much money at all unless doing extreme stuff.

@AllThePogs

Women on onlyfans are encouraged to lie about their earnings because it is a MLM scheme. If you sign people up, you get a percentage of their earnings. So the more people they sign up, the more money they get. So don't believe what you hear. Most do not make much money at all unless doing extreme stuff.

"OnlyFans' similarity to a pyramid scheme is in the “wealth distribution” among creators. ... According to OnlyFans, referring a creator earns you 5% of that creator's earnings for the first year only. Referrals started prior to May 1, 2020 will have one more year to receive earnings from referrals."

From Google.

Yes, you get 5% of the earnings of anyone you sign up for a year. Before that, it was for life. Even if the women don't earn that much, 5% of a lot of women is an easier way of making money than posting porn yourself. It is why women tout for business online saying things like - it is an easy way to earn some money, just private message me if you want some advice about how to do it properly.
And most will lie to get you to sign up.

She is probably hiding something. Of course you are curious, but she would probably tell you if it was only a bit risque.

Bank loans, drugs, sex work, gambling, thieving, scrounging, premium bonds ... who knows? Big disposable cash does not grow on trees and students are traditionally a bit broke. You are entitled to have some explanation.

@AllThePogs

Yes, you get 5% of the earnings of anyone you sign up for a year. Before that, it was for life. Even if the women don't earn that much, 5% of a lot of women is an easier way of making money than posting porn yourself. It is why women tout for business online saying things like - it is an easy way to earn some money, just private message me if you want some advice about how to do it properly. And most will lie to get you to sign up.

Tis a pitty, that people have to resort to services such as those, we could do with some psychologist doing studies in why people choose or prefer what's perceived as quick and easy solution rather than more achievement and accomplishment with different ways to build your skills and talents.

What don't I know what only fans is? Can someone please explain. I don't want to Google it in case something comes up that I don't want to see

Oh dear. She enjoys what she sees as "easy money" - There's no such thing and there is always a payback. How very sad to spend university years like that.

Spoke to my DD 21 today about friends of hers who did sugar daddy. She said it would be very hard to earn a lot of money without meeting for sex - which is why her friends stopped. It's sort of obvious that they're not buying gifts for young girls without expecting something in return.

Leaving all my personal feminist objections aside, whatever she’s doing must take a bit of time to do, even if it’s only uploading foot pics or chatting to perves. I’d be thinking that rather than enjoying bits of cash now, she ought to put that time into her university work so that she can get a good job later.

University is for such a short time, and the vast majority of students are not doing anywhere near the work they ought to be doing in order to do really well.

No point spending time earning cash for expensive handbags, then get a 2:2 and ruin your job prospects. Even if she’s on track for a 2:1 she’s be better off putting her extra OnlyFans time into getting a First rather than doing “borderline sex work” for extra luxuries.

@StellaDarkley and @foxgoosefinch - yep - you're both right but unfortunately the OP does not have magical controls over her daughter. She can advise and be there for her, but at the end of the day, the daughter is going to do what she wants to do, and it probably isn't sensible. (!)

Not sure how your comments are helpful to the OP when it is basically stating the very obvious

@AllThePogs

Women on onlyfans are encouraged to lie about their earnings because it is a MLM scheme. If you sign people up, you get a percentage of their earnings. So the more people they sign up, the more money they get. So don't believe what you hear. Most do not make much money at all unless doing extreme stuff.

Thanks for confirming it is a pyramid scheme as I imagined. I said that earlier down the thread and someone insisted I was wrong. Prostitution of women seems to be thriving as a form of exploitation in this day and age because women are willing and recruit each other. We are at a real crossroads in social history it seems to me. On the one hand me too and everyone's invited type campaigns recognising how oppressive this stuff is to young girls and on the other the allegedly free and liberal young voices saying it's about freedom from taboo and financial liberty for women. I come back to Virginia Guiffre here. If someone had tapped her on the shoulder aged 17 and started lecturing her about what she was doing taking wads of cash because it was easy money and recruiting her friends (see the text she sent to "Carolyn" boasting about getting to sleep with a prince) she would have really rejected the advice. But experience makes one wiser. She's calling it rape now. But she would never have done then. I hope she wins so that young girls can see how it plays out in real life. But op you have to thread so carefully to keep your daughters trust because only experience teaches a girl at this age and it takes time to see the realities.

[quote anotherbrewplease]**@StellaDarkley* and @foxgoosefinch* - yep - you're both right but unfortunately the OP does not have magical controls over her daughter. She can advise and be there for her, but at the end of the day, the daughter is going to do what she wants to do, and it probably isn't sensible. (!)

Not sure how your comments are helpful to the OP when it is basically stating the very obvious [/quote]
I think these ideas are supportive and helpful to op because they may give her ideas to float in her discussions with her daughter that could be a way into supporting her daughter out of this. For example the economic logic about wasting time now and being lower qualified later might motivate a young woman who was money minded, more than lecturing her about the male abuse or danger angle. Everyone has their triggers. It's worth brainstorming about. What op can't do is just leave it be and wash her hands if it but she has to be so subtle.

oh.. FinDom.. i've not dabbled but i know someone that wants me to do it.. but in honesty, i'm not comfortable with it... but if you're happy to basically degrade someone and tell them to pay you to make up for what a shit person they are, its fine.

Just to give you a more positive potential outcome...

She could be into cryptocurrency, there is A LOT of money in it right now, it's very easy with the right guidance to make a shed load of money.

Always worth considering non illegal activities 😍

I know a guy at unit that's turned £3000 of student loan into £3,000,000 (no exaggeration here, I know this for a fact) so it could be something like that?

Imagine if she were the next crypto entrepreneur! 😁

@Gemzerella

I’m guessing you missed OP’s update two days ago or I do not have a clue about cryptocurrency:

‘…..She wasn’t very forthcoming at first other than to say it wasn’t illegal. After a bit of a heart to heart she opened up and told me that she is using various websites to get people to send her money as part of some fantasy they have. She says it’s all online and was adamant that she has never done anything that will come to light in the future when I asked her.

I am struggling to process it in truth. I am not happy about it really other than the fact she says it’s safe and doesn’t think it will have any future implications. I just don’t like the thought of her doing anything to indulge random mens fantasies for money.’

She is utterly naive if she thinks it has no chance of coming back to haunt her. Would a future life partner find that appealing? What about a future employer? Our lives are not private any more. If it started on line, there's a record of it and if that falls into the wrong hands she could end up publicly humiliated or really regretful.

I know this isn’t the point but with such (suggested) high income, do make sure she understands how self-employment and taxes work. You don’t want this to leave a lasting impact of any sort. (I’m not actually sure if people who do that stuff register, but I’m assuming it’s legal?)

Making money online, declaring it to the taxman? If not, then it could come back and bite her especially if she has a student loan. Money earned needs to be declared before she spends it...

Could be something like Only Fans? Whatever it is your dd is doing to earn herself a bit of coin has got absolutely NOTHING to do with you! She's an adult after all!

Would she think twice OP if she realised she needs to immortalise all of these incomings by filing a self-assessment return? I’m assuming she’s well above threshold given those gifts.

@Baxterbear Mum subs her income so it really does.

Would a future life partner find that appealing

Yeah, I teach my daughter not to give a fuck what any real man thinks, let alone imaginary ones she hasn't met.