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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want dd to tell me where she is getting this money from

711 replies

Curato · 09/01/2022 09:43

Dd is in her second year at university and for Christmas she bought ds a laptop. I thought this was a lot to have spent so I looked it up and it must’ve cost her around £600. I asked her about it and she said she could afford it and loves her brother etc so I accepted it.

It was ds 16th birthday on Friday and for that she bought him a new IPhone and Apple Watch.

I spoke to her and said I noticed she had spent a lot of money on ds for Christmas and his birthday as she is a student with a part time job in retail.

She then said she has a little extra thing on the side which is going really well. When I asked what this was she refused to tell me.

I spoke to DH who said she is an adult and doesn’t have to justify herself to me anymore and I should respect her decision. I am really worried though that she has become embroiled in something though.

AIBU to speak to her again and insist she tells me what she is doing to generate this money or do I need to cut the apron strings.

OP posts:
PurpleMauve · 11/01/2022 23:16

Some of the posters on this thread are very naive.
As other posters have said, the recently increased numbers of women embarking in sex work has been well documented of late.

I enjoy sex, but I wouldn’t want to be a sex worker for all of the reasons other posters have already referenced in their posts.

I would most probably consider becoming a sex worker it if I was desperate, felt that I had no other choice, was vulnerable, young and/or naive to understand exactly what I was getting myself into. Or if my kids needed to eat and/or a roof over their heads.

I also wouldn’t want my DD’s or DS to consider sex work as a way to make quick money. I talk to my adult DD about these topics so she is aware and fully informed. If she decided to go down this route, I’d like to think that she could confide in me.

OP - well done for sitting down with your DD. I’m glad she’s confided in you, although she hasn’t given you much detail. Just continue to be there for her and please educate her in the downsides so she is able to make an informed decision re. if she should continue to make money this way.

Reading the first articles via the link posted within this thread was an eye opener. Scary.
💐

PurpleMauve · 11/01/2022 23:19

P.S.
OP - You’re a good Mum x

Barbarantia · 11/01/2022 23:26

@PurpleMauve

P.S. OP - You’re a good Mum x
This
Plumbuddle · 11/01/2022 23:42

Yep and @PurpleMauve, your balanced approach is what is required.

RiverSkater · 12/01/2022 01:08

@AllThePogs

Don't be naive. There is one woman selling feet videos making money out of it. Everyone else making money having sex on camera and more claims to be posting only their feet.
I was selling some sandals on EBay, nothing irregular or weird and had lots of requests for more picture of my feet.

I guess I could have made some money out of it 🙄 but I freaked out and took them off.

Hmmmmm 😂

Helpmeout1234 · 12/01/2022 01:31

I find it funny that all previous comments say only fans. Only because you’ve all only just heard about it and jump on the bandwagon.

She’s escorting or has a sugar daddy. Guaranteed. She’s shagging men for money.

Check her phone if you can and you’ll not only find lots of dick pics but some horrendous messages that will make your eyes water.

JustLyra · 12/01/2022 02:48

@Helpmeout1234

I find it funny that all previous comments say only fans. Only because you’ve all only just heard about it and jump on the bandwagon.

She’s escorting or has a sugar daddy. Guaranteed. She’s shagging men for money.

Check her phone if you can and you’ll not only find lots of dick pics but some horrendous messages that will make your eyes water.

Check the phone of an adult?

A young adult, but an adult none the less.

That would be a cracking way to destroy the relationship with her daughter.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/01/2022 04:20

@Curato - glad you've had a chat with her that has given you some answers. If she didn't mention it, I'd just double check with her that she has made sure her location is undetectable and that she has done as much as she can to maximise her safety.

AShadowLurkingInTheShadows · 12/01/2022 06:59

@Helpmeout1234

I find it funny that all previous comments say only fans. Only because you’ve all only just heard about it and jump on the bandwagon.

She’s escorting or has a sugar daddy. Guaranteed. She’s shagging men for money.

Check her phone if you can and you’ll not only find lots of dick pics but some horrendous messages that will make your eyes water.

Check her phone? She’s an adult. Dear lord. 🤦🏽‍♀️
AShadowLurkingInTheShadows · 12/01/2022 07:04

@Curato

So I spoke to her this afternoon. I was told her that I was very worried that she had become caught up in something and that I am her mum so will always love and support her.

She wasn’t very forthcoming at first other than to say it wasn’t illegal. After a bit of a heart to heart she opened up and told me that she is using various websites to get people to send her money as part of some fantasy they have. She says it’s all online and was adamant that she has never done anything that will come to light in the future when I asked her.

I am struggling to process it in truth. I am not happy about it really other than the fact she says it’s safe and doesn’t think it will have any future implications. I just don’t like the thought of her doing anything to indulge random mens fantasies for money.

OP she’s a financial dominatrix.

Men and woman have a kink of being dominated via their money. There is no “shagging” men as other ridiculous I’ll informed have stated. You can try and check her phone but seeing as she’s an adult and you can get sent dick pics from just being on social media or dating apps it’s not feasible now is it.

Whilst you’re not happy about it, it’s not your choice and she’s an adult.

Helpmeout1234 · 12/01/2022 07:28

Funny comment when you probably check your husbands phone all the time...Hmm and he’s an adult

redbigbananafeet · 12/01/2022 08:00

@Helpmeout1234

I find it funny that all previous comments say only fans. Only because you’ve all only just heard about it and jump on the bandwagon.

She’s escorting or has a sugar daddy. Guaranteed. She’s shagging men for money.

Check her phone if you can and you’ll not only find lots of dick pics but some horrendous messages that will make your eyes water.

Her daughter is an adult, of course she's not going to check her phone!
redbigbananafeet · 12/01/2022 08:01

@Helpmeout1234

Funny comment when you probably check your husbands phone all the time...Hmm and he’s an adult
I have never and would never check my partners phone.
girlmom21 · 12/01/2022 08:10

Fair play if she's making money from men who willing to pay so much for a wank!

PlanktonsComputerWife · 12/01/2022 08:55

I would never check my husband's phone. There're only so many 70s FA Cup final clips a woman can take.

Plumbuddle · 12/01/2022 09:19

@PlanktonsComputerWife

I would never check my husband's phone. There're only so many 70s FA Cup final clips a woman can take.
GrinGrinGrin
Tevion28 · 12/01/2022 10:16

What a nice thing to do for her brother

AShadowLurkingInTheShadows · 12/01/2022 10:54

@Helpmeout1234

Funny comment when you probably check your husbands phone all the time...Hmm and he’s an adult
I thankfully don't have a husband any longer and when I did I certainly didn't check his phone Confused Grin
Barbarantia · 12/01/2022 11:29

Grin Grin Grin

Op: my daughter is being secretive with money.
MN: Sex work.
The offended : how dare you jump to the idea of sex work?
The daughter : it is borderline sex work.
The offended : finds fight in which they are going to be right anyway

Damn, I proposed credit card debt.

But this is better than tv. Keep going!

KurtWilde · 12/01/2022 12:27

@Helpmeout1234

I find it funny that all previous comments say only fans. Only because you’ve all only just heard about it and jump on the bandwagon.

She’s escorting or has a sugar daddy. Guaranteed. She’s shagging men for money.

Check her phone if you can and you’ll not only find lots of dick pics but some horrendous messages that will make your eyes water.

Christ.
ChrimboGateauxCatto · 12/01/2022 12:45

@AllThePogs

Financial dominatrix are unicorns. Everyone talks about them, lots claim to know one, few actually meet this elusive creature.
I've known a fair few over the years.... Kink scene etc.

Op it does sound like she could be defrauding people in a romance type scam. This is not something that is victim free.

Wreath21 · 12/01/2022 12:50

Findomming is likelier than romance scams (and yes, there IS a big difference - findomming is consensual and the punters know what they are paying for). The DD said it wasn't illegal and romance scams are.

Notimeforaname · 12/01/2022 12:57

Even if it is only over the internet with no physical contact, it's still sad. Your younger child is profiting from it too. Gifts that came from the money of sweaty, sad men wanking over the internet.

Wreath21 · 12/01/2022 13:47

@Notimeforaname

Even if it is only over the internet with no physical contact, it's still sad. Your younger child is profiting from it too. Gifts that came from the money of sweaty, sad men wanking over the internet.
'Even if it is safe, legal and consensual, I am still horrified by the thought of other people having a kind of sex that I don't like myself, waah, make them stop!'
AllThePogs · 12/01/2022 13:51

Prostitution is not sex.
And yes providing images for men to wank over is still prostitution.