Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

My father telling me I would never get a boyfriend unless I lost 4 stone, I was 14 years old and a 12/14 - never had a problem getting one thanks Dad.

A teacher in my first year of primary school: "echt will never be any good at arithmetic". I struggled for years, a disrupted childhood and numerous schools didn't help, but I've never forgotten it. I'm perfectly competent as an adult, but never forgot that crass comment.

The reported comment by a friend's parent about a boyfriend when I was about 17: "echt is doing well for herself; a doctor's son". He wasn't, his dad was an HT, but that's not the point. My family were manual workers. I boiled over inside with righteous class anger.

'You've poured yourself into that dress, haven't you!'
Thanks mother! Still feel self conscious about my body around her 😞

My Dad, we were joking about in his kitchen after YEARS of not having any contact and he said, "See, your Grandad's not that bad..."

Except you're my actual Dad, and you've forgotten that. That hurt...

I went for a medical for a job at 16 years old. I was overweight, lacking in confidence and self conscious. A middle aged, male Doctor conducted the examination. He commented that I had the body of a 40 year old. I have never forgotten. It was over 40 years ago.

I didn't say a word...

The last conversation I had with my biological father aged 22 (having only seen him 2 or 3 times a year from the ages of 2-16)
Me calling him on the phone:
Me - after a brief chat "could I borrow £10?"
Him - "you only call me when you want something"
Me - "at least I call you" and hung up

My dm died when I was 30, I've since married and am pregnant with dd2 and haven't heard a thing from him since that call!

My step mum constantly telling people my parents divorce hadn’t affected me at all. So in my head my mother leaving had caused me great distress but I was supposed to act as if nothing had happened to me. It was so confusing and made me cover up all my feelings and wants/wishes.

Not a serious as those above but my Geography A Level teacher said to me

“You’re not doing ask well as we thought you would”

Made me work harder though.

@Royalbloo

My Dad, we were joking about in his kitchen after YEARS of not having any contact and he said, "See, your Grandad's not that bad..."

Except you're my actual Dad, and you've forgotten that. That hurt...

Wait... are you saying your dad mistakes you for his grandchild??? @Royalbloo

“Well, I suppose she has a nice personality at least much laughter,” when my first boyfriend asked his unpleasant friends what they thought of me.

It was 20 years ago and after being bullied all through my senior school for being an ugly duckling, that just about put the tin lid on my total lack of self esteem, which unfortunately persists despite ‘growing into my looks’ in the main.

when i told my mum about my miscarriage and the first thing she said was ' I told you, you were doing too much'

when I was asked out on a date and I turned him down, he responded 'its ok i only like skinny girls anyway' I was 16yrs old and a size 8. it triggered an eating disorder (thankfully not long term)

At a swimming lesson in primary school, late 80s.
The teacher looked me up and down, focussed on my thighs and said 'not that skinny then'.
I must've been between 6-8?
I've been paranoid about my bum/thighs ever since

My mom "I won't forgive you for doing better than me"

Never left me. Why would you not want your child to do well

My mum repeatedly telling me she wished I'd been a cot death statistic. This was a repeated theme from being very young.
Being told I was a manipulative slut by the wife of one of my father's colleagues. My dad was in the military, I was around 10 and struggling with puberty. Her husband been wrestling with me on my bedroom floor, not through my choice I hasten to add but it was apparently my fault.

My dad when I was 14. ‘All homosexuals should be shot at birth.’

Not withstanding, how would you know?! that is one of the reasons I now live in another hemisphere to him. I think it is still his opinion, though he is slightly less vocal about it these days. Bigot.

I was evil. I was scum of the earth. A burden on society. No one would love me. Even my own parents couldn't love me as I was that awful. Your mum tried to have you aborted but you're that nasty you crawled out of the bucket. Just a few delectable snippets thrown at me by the staff of the children's home I was raised in. I learned to believe them, its never left me.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

My mum repeatedly telling me she wished I'd been a cot death statistic. This was a repeated theme from being very young. Being told I was a manipulative slut by the wife of one of my father's colleagues. My dad was in the military, I was around 10 and struggling with puberty. Her husband been wrestling with me on my bedroom floor, not through my choice I hasten to add but it was apparently my fault.

You poor thing.

"You look alright from behind, but then you turn around and its not good".

"You look like Kirt Cobain"

These comments were when I was maybe 15ish from boys in my year group at school. Im 35 and they've always stayed with me.

Myself and another (female) friend were caught having a w*nk on a school trip by our head teacher. It was silly teen exploration stuff (not doing anything to each other, so solo). Our teacher threatened us will all kinds of things. I won't repeat any of it here, but it stayed with me.

It really impacted my school for a few years, studies, relationships. But during that time I learned it was normal and we all did it. But I'll never forgive her.

So called friends after I got the grades needed for university and they didn't: you won't be missed, we only ever tolerated you out of politeness, no one ever really liked you. Forty years on the memory of it can reduce me to tears.

My dad when I was 7 casually mentioning I should have been aborted.
My (otherwise lovely) grandad joking I was looking a bit fat. Also long standing ED here.
A secondary school teacher upon realising he’d taught my mum/aunts and uncles.. youll amount to nothing coming from Irish scum just like the rest of your family. Nice

Dinosauratemydaffodils that is abhorrent. I’m so sorry your mother told you that. She must’ve been mentally unstable to say such a horrible thing or just pure evil

Skinny Malinki long legs with big banana feet

"You'd be a right babe if you lost some weight". My boyfriend, to me. Aged 15 and weighing 7.5 stone

"You're scum. You came from scum and you're returning to scum. But it's not your fault, you're a product of your upbringing " Another boyfriend. Aged 23 when I said I was leaving him for someone else.