Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

That I was too ugly to ever get married.
And it was true!

My dads go to insult was “little bitch” and “you think you’re so clever don’t you”

I can’t abide being called a bitch or hearing men refer to women as bitches now.

I spent years (and I mean years) playing dumb around men and not showing I was clever. I’m older now but it still rears it’s head in meetings but I’m a lot more aware of it.

Don’t talk to my “father” anymore obviously

I was told ‘at least you have a lovely smile’

It could have been nice but what it was really saying was ‘but you don’t have the brains of the family’

This followed me through school & university as I always felt that I was the stupid one. Years of therapy and a long long list of qualifications has finally convinced me that I don’t have anything to prove with regards to my intelligence.

Wish I could go back & tell the child me that you are intelligent & capable of achieving anything you set your mind to.

I make a point of trying to avoid any comments that could be perceived as negative either to my children or to those I work with.

Age 17, DM to me “It’s a shame you’re so ugly”.

I’m in my 50s now, and have never had any confidence in my looks.

About 10 years later, DSis to me “I’m the pretty one, you’re the clever one”. Which only compounded the image I already had of myself.

I worked really hard to get into uni. first person in my extended family.

I took a harder route than usual. My friend's parents criticised my choice of uni saying "it's not got a good reputation, why on earth would you want to go there?"

Following on from that they then said " we've heard the first year is extremely difficult. Why are you even trying? You'll never pass!"

The course was dentistry.

Then, when I did pass five years later, I triumphantly returned to visit hoping to get a bit of praise or a humble apology.

They commented " so you passed then? And you didn't need to repeat that many years!"

( I didn't repeat any years. The course is longer than a typical undergraduate degree. )

I'm still fizzing 20 years later. Nowadays I've made a very successful career for myself. I teach undergraduates, and I have my own successful practice.

Why can't some people not ever say anything positive?

A boy in my year at primary school just randomly said “I’ll get you when I grow up. “ He said it in quite a scary way. I must have been about 8. I still remember it now at 61 and I’ve got very few childhood memories. He hasn’t got me yet though.

Lots...... Mother telling me she didn't know how she got pregnant with me as had already left her allegedly abusive husband but then had to go back to him because of me, (leaving again a year later). As if it was my fault🤷
Same mother calling me a 'dirty bitch' at primary school age when I didn't understand what I had done wrong. Well I hadn't done anything wrong!
A boy who used to follow me home from primary school singing a rude and offensive ditty that he had made up involving my surname including the word 'fatty' led to years of me thinking I was fat/ugly and disordered eating (in hindsight he was fatter than me!)
My mother always passing comments on my body and what I was wearing and 'suggesting' that navy blue was more slimming (again in hindsight it was her that had an eating disorder and was overly thin I was perfectly normal just tall and a different build to her) but led to me feeling huge and unattractive all my life........i could go on🤐

So many of these are horrific, why are you holding on to them?
Write them down and burn them; you shouldn't be dwelling on the dreadful things that people say when they are looking to lash out.

My favourite comment was from an ex who told me I would be something special one day and he was right. I am special. I'm a great mum, run a business and look hard to try and share any good fortune we have. I am also a cancer survivor. And if you're thinking, she's a bit over confident, she needs to come down a peg, don't. We should lift one another up not bring each other down.

I had a stomach ulcer as a child. It started when I was about 8 years old. My Mum had taken me to the pediatrician and I was in the examining room getting dressed, by myself, while he talked to Mum.

I heard her say what sounded to me like , "she has always been dense." It turns out she said "tense" not "dense."

Either way it has stuck with me my whole life.

Maybe because treating the ulcer in the 60s was more complicated than today. It disrupted my school day and caused some bullying.

I got a C grade in English for my mock GCSE. My mum told my dad and I can remember hearing him shouting downstairs “she must be thick!” over and over again. I don’t remember my grades for my actual GCSEs (this was about 25 years ago) but I remember that. I always thought I was stupid anyway and it took years to realise I wasn’t.

On the last day of school there was a boy taking photographs of everyone. One girl didn’t want to and he said “go on, even NoraLuka let me take a picture and she’s not photogenic”. I don’t think he knew I heard, but I thought I looked ok that day.

Thick, weird, dirty bitch, 'your size is hard to buy clothes for', 'you're getting really fat', 'legs like tree trunks', being regularly told as a child I was just like a very obese adult relative (she had a lot of issues that I think had contributed to her weight gain). Mean towards both me and her, nobody had much sympathy for her. I have never shaken off the bulimia that started when I was about 10.

Sister told me if she’d been there instead of me our dad would still be alive. Took me until my breakdown a couple of years ago to realise what a massive impact that had had on me. She’s always been a bit of a drama queen so I thought I’d dismissed it. Apparently not. 😬

(Nobody could have done anything. He died instantly.)

You should never have been born.
Pretend you don't exist.
Nobody will ever love you.

And many more similar.
Thanks, mum.

Some of these are so sad and I wish you could comfort your younger selves.

Mine is a positive one. Primary school art teacher. We were doing portraits of eachother and I drew my friend's eyes as generic almond shape. The teacher said "whenever you are drawing, forget what you are drawing and what you think it should look like, but instead draw exactly what you are actually seeing." I've always remembered it and it's the most useful advice I've had from any teacher.

@ginswinger

So many of these are horrific, why are you holding on to them? Write them down and burn them; you shouldn't be dwelling on the dreadful things that people say when they are looking to lash out.

My favourite comment was from an ex who told me I would be something special one day and he was right. I am special. I'm a great mum, run a business and look hard to try and share any good fortune we have. I am also a cancer survivor. And if you're thinking, she's a bit over confident, she needs to come down a peg, don't. We should lift one another up not bring each other down.

I think you sound bloody amazing.

"oh, it's quite serious then" when I announced my engagement to now DH... We've been married 20 years and I still feel treated like a teenager bringing her first boyfriend home

“You’re a slut just like all those other girls at X School’ said by a teenage boyfriend’s mum after she caught us messing around. He was my first boyfriend. I was paranoid about it for years and the tone of disgust made me feel so low about myself for years to come. Also her daughter went to the school…the daughter who she had happily condones going out with an adult 10 years older than her when she was a teenager.

A teacher when I was in year 7 telling me my hair was a mess before pictures. I couldn’t tell my mum as she had done my hair and always wanted us to look our best. My hair was quite frizzy generally.

So sorry for some of the posters here who have experienced dreadful comments.

My mum: he only wants you for one thing (first boyfriend. Wasn’t true. We had a nice teenage relationship. I can see that now. But those sort of repeated comments over time have an effect).

Well…fuck off mum.

Being told I was a "neck down" person by a regular at the local pub I worked in whilst at uni.
I'd always felt ugly and it coincided with a time in my life I was beginning to unravel, seeing myself only as worthy if my body were fit and slim. I had an abusive partner, who was 29 years older than me, who pimped me out to his friends. I was a naïve, immature girl who worshipped the ground this guy walked on.
Seeing myself as essentially a Vulva with a Voice stayed with me for the best part of 20 years (having been sexually abused from when I was 7, I was used to men just wanting to fuck me.
Luckily, after I had my daughters, I stayed fat, so guys leave me alone and, at nigh on 43, I haven't been near a guy since my daughters were born.

"You are the village bike" (said by my mother)

"You are more fun when you are bitchy"

"She has a funny shape head" (said about me)

Gosh, some of these are awful and I do feel for you all.

Mine is a lot less traumatic: getting my eyebrows waxed, and mentioned to the beautician that it was always nice to get your eyebrows done (meaning, you know, a bit groomed/polished etc) - her reply was "...yes, it always makes you feel so CLEAN!"

Years later, I'm still a bit weirded out by that.

Mines a tiny one but when I was about 18 a guy told me that the hairstyle I was wearing made me look like a dinner lady.

I bet he forget he said it barely a minute after, but it’s been 10years and I’ve never wore my hair like that since.

Just shows how the smallest comments can make such a difference.

Repeatedly heard from family members “you’d lose your head if it wasn’t screwed on”, “away with the fairies”, “such a scatterbrain”.

Turns out I have ADHD. Still overcompensate and overexplain so people don’t think I’m not trying.

‘Anyone who would shag you would shag an animal’ my mother to me when I was 16

My nan was morbidly obese and said "you have got lots of padding, like me" to me when I was a slightly chubby 11 year old. It stayed with me.

My mum would tell me that she had to love me, but she didn't like me. I have felt unlikeable and like noone would want me around my whole life.