Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

@DimplesToadfoot

I was evil. I was scum of the earth. A burden on society. No one would love me. Even my own parents couldn't love me as I was that awful. Your mum tried to have you aborted but you're that nasty you crawled out of the bucket. Just a few delectable snippets thrown at me by the staff of the children's home I was raised in. I learned to believe them, its never left me.

I am so sorry. How can people be so cruel and sadistic to a defenceless child.

I had a few comments from four different people during childhood/teen yrs all questioning my general ability at school/education etc. It made me really doubt myself, it made me wonder why my Dad, my friend, and two separate teachers had such little faith in my abilities. My sister and mum said something similar to me as an adult and I questioned it and they couldn't explain why they said it.
It did make me wonder how thick I must have come across to people. I have since had people that I am capable of, which I know I am, but those few comments early on really hurt. Even though I know I'm capable I still battle with it sometimes.

To flip this thread around, I do remember one lovely comment I received in secondary school which stayed with me.

We were in a science lesson and had to explain something quite complicated. My science teacher said, “you’re very eloquent, aren’t you?”

I now write for a living, and I think about that comment a lot.

Of course, I remember a huge number of negative comments too, which I try my hardest not to dwell on.

I got told I had legs like buttress roots when I was 13. Also that my bum was enormous. Cue life long paranoia about my body. At 16 my A level geography teacher told me I was chunky - I was 5'3 and 8 stone.

Or the time my BF at 17 said if my legs matched the top half of my body I'd be like a supermodel but as it was my legs matched the fat girl from school who nobody liked.

You get the gist. I have large legs and a large bum - and doesn't everyone like to comment on it.

I’ll never amount to anything or be food for anything or at anything. Step dad—-

Oh dam sorry I’m the child that’s married, children works abs own a company I’m still the failure though.

I remember one rather grumpy child free teacher when I was a year 8 in front of the whole class telling me I had child barring hips too.

‘DimplesToadfoot

I was evil. I was scum of the earth. A burden on society. No one would love me. Even my own parents couldn't love me as I was that awful. Your mum tried to have you aborted but you're that nasty you crawled out of the bucket. Just a few delectable snippets thrown at me by the staff of the children's home I was raised in. I learned to believe them, its never left me.‘

That is so sad and terrible, Dimples. 💐 I am so sorry that happened to you. They were the ‘’evil” wrong people of course, not you.

I remember my step mother one saying 'we were worried how you were going to turn out, but as you've grown you've gotten a bit prettier'. My self esteem has never ever recovered

@KitchenMandarin

At a swimming lesson in primary school, late 80s. The teacher looked me up and down, focussed on my thighs and said 'not that skinny then'. I must've been between 6-8? I've been paranoid about my bum/thighs ever since

Male or female teacher? Frankly that's just creepy

@DimplesToadfoot

I was evil. I was scum of the earth. A burden on society. No one would love me. Even my own parents couldn't love me as I was that awful. Your mum tried to have you aborted but you're that nasty you crawled out of the bucket. Just a few delectable snippets thrown at me by the staff of the children's home I was raised in. I learned to believe them, its never left me.

Holy shit. That's horrendous, I'm so sorry. I just... What the fuck is wrong with these people?! I haven't got the words to say how awful they are, or what I hope happened to them.

My worst I think was being told by my yr6 teacher that I 'would never amount to anything'.

It's become a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm reasonably smart, going by test results and exam grades, but I always feel if I try to do something too academic I'll fail miserably and make a fool of myself. Even with a level lecturers telling me to apply to uni I couldn't bring myself to do it, all I could hear was that horrid woman destroying whatever confidence I had.

She left teaching to have a video rental van though, so I suppose I maybe shouldn't put too much belief in her career judgement...

My mum telling me that she regretted having my sister and I so young and if she had her time again would only want one child (my sister) and later.

My mum also telling me that I was a massive disappointment to her and should have stayed in my abusive relationship as it was easier for her

shakeitoffshakeacocktail yep.

My niece had been staying with him for a while and he moved to Spain when I was 4. Didn't see him again until I was 17, but this STUNG. It'll never ever leave me that my own father forgot I was his child. Crazy.

No wonder I have issues trusting men. I can't even believe it as I write it out, again...

When I was in school, perhaps year 11. I was in the playground and 2 boys walked past looked me and said 'she's so ugly' and giggled.

When I was an overweight child/teen my mother told me boys would never be interested. Maybe in a weird way she was trying to be nice but the reason knees big was because of our terrible lifestyle and food choices she made. We lived on fried foods every day.

Another one which I don't repeat often is from when I got pregnant at 18. My mother wasn't pleased which I can understand but she wanted me to have an abortion but I wanted to keep baby. A few weeks in she told me she wish nature would take its course and I'd miscarry. Also, at around 17 weeks she told me it wasn't too late to get an abortion. I mean technically it wasn't but in my mind there was no way that would happen. I can understand she was upset at her daughter having a bay so young but she treated me like dirt during my pregnancy. I have a beautiful 10 year old now.

Your not the best looking but you are the whole package exH no1
Your not good looking and never will be DP’s
No one will ever want you ever exH2

My dad screaming at me that i was “as awkward as two left feet”…. I was age about 15, very shy and anxious and struggling with making friends. My dad has always admired people with good social skills and expected me to be some sort of perfect person. I had no safe place to relax - when i was at school i was anxious about being the odd one out - and when i was at home I was aware my dad expected me to be going out having great social life! I tried to hide away at home and hope they wouldn’t notice me. I constantly felt ashamed of the way i was. I still think about it now at age 43.

Being told I was useless nearly everyday. By my parents (mother mainly)
Unsurprisingly, I was under achieving (yes a back story) and that was them trying to 'motivate' me. I was useless and end up on the tills at safeways. Said my very working class mother that left school at 15 and worked in a factory until she had me at 20 and never worked again. Luckily she married into my dads middle class family that kept her in the lifestyle that she thought she belonged to.

Still, I've a 23 year career as a paramedic, my own house that I've worked and paid for.... but not without a massive amount of imposter syndrome along the way and never feeling quite good enough....

On the flip side, I'm often told I'm very kind (by patients) so that redresses some balance.

You def can achieve something now it’s not too late @TragoCardboardCopper

I think you will amount to something- just keep trying.

“You’re definitely one of mine” said to me by birth father on first meeting me aged 30. He made my birth mother give me up because he was convinced someone else was my father (before dna). In this case the regret/pain was his to own.

I remember hearing my dad comment on my weight when I was in the next room. My mum shut him down. But I remember I must have been about 12

A girl I really looked up to telling me on non-uniform day - god, you've really squashed into your best jeans, haven't you?

It was doubly painful because I was so self-conscious about my (completely normal) weight, but also I was The Kid From The Council House and really felt that at school - it was in a posh area and I was one of only a handful of kids in the school who got free school meals, so it was something I was always aware of. And these were my best jeans, some Miss Sixty ones that had been new with tags in a charity shop and I was SO proud of.

Even now I feel sad for 12 year old me thinking I'd played a blinder and was going to look really cool with my actual, from a real label jeans, and immediately feeling like a wannabe (and a heifer to boot).

On a lighter note, a teenage boyfriend remarked that I wasn't 'very good at handjobs'. I've never forgotten that either, the dickhead

At a party when I’d have been around 11, a middle aged man turned to me and said “you’re really ugly aren’t you”. Never got over that comment and a friend of my boyfriend years later asking him what he was doing with me as I was so ugly. Both of these still haunt me

When I was 18 I became pregnant but the baby was ectopic. After my operation my step sister was heard telling all and sundry that "it's just like an abortion".

• I am totally pro choice, but this was not my choice

“you are as useful as a tit on a bull”. Said to me by my friend’s Dad when I was laughing so much I could not assist him to roll up his precious hose which had fallen over the side of his boat. I was shocked at his coarseness 😳😳, and have always felt quite useless since 🙂

Sorry to hear all these hard memories . We were just discussing this after our 6yr old was playing with friends today and they all made comments that were inadvertently unkind. All v typical for their age, showing off, going on ‘I’m so good at blah blah’ in a way that put down others. Mine wasn’t the worst but we were debating how much to speak to her about this and how much that kids grow out of this when they work out people don’t like it. But reading these replies is helpful in remembering why it’s important to raise kids who understand their impact on others.

I am so sorry for everyone on this thread that has been subjected to vile insults, especially by parents! Disgraceful and so cruel. I've probably had my fair share, it's not been an easy ride for sure. I hope you are all in a better place and see those comments as just horrible people trying to make themselves feel better. So sorry ❤