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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

357 replies

IcyBlonde15 · 08/01/2022 20:58

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

OP posts:
Owlink · 08/01/2022 22:29

Nothing like as bad as many here but my dad saying to me "I don't know why you bother lying" with such contempt. I was telling the truth.

Alysskea · 08/01/2022 22:29

Got told I was fat in years 3-6.

Despite losing all the 'puppy fat' a couple of years later I developed a lifelong eating disorder and nearly died twice. Children can be so nasty!

Duckerbizzle · 08/01/2022 22:29

When my mum got fed up with my thick curly hair getting tangled all the time she forced me to have really short hair which I hated at the time as all my friends had really long hair and they all teased me about my new haircut. Then one of my friend's mums nicknamed me 'The boy' and called me it all the time whilst thinking she was really hilarious. It was just quite hurtful that an adult kept taking the mickey out of me for no good reason. Might sound a bit dramatic but I do still think of it from time to time!

Alysskea · 08/01/2022 22:31

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I'm so sorry to hear this 🧡

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 08/01/2022 22:32

I was a fat kid, and I remember when I was about 13/14 my eldest brother who is 11 years older than me, calling me fat/fatty/fattyboombalatty I was crying and begging him to stop, but he wouldn't, it was relentless, that has stayed with me for life. And honestly I hate myself now, and have done since I was a kid.

School bullies, one person turned around in French class, and looked at me and asked "why are you so fat?"

All of that has stayed with me. Its no wonder I'm so fucked up now.

BlooBagoo · 08/01/2022 22:32

"D"M telling me when I walked into a room as a teenager (about 14/15) to suck in my stomach because I looked 6 months pregnant.

She also regularly told me she would kick me out if I ever got pregnant. She was then astounded that when I found myself accidentally pregnant while at university (and living at home) that I didn't tell her for months and she denied she'd ever said such a thing.

AffIt · 08/01/2022 22:34

@ginswinger

I also had a rather sweet and lovely boyfriend (not my OH) at university who told me I would be somebody special one day.

I'm pleased to say he was right, and we both ended up being something special.

We stayed friends and both struck lucky with work, partners, families etc (I work in high-end fintech, and he is a very senior medical research lead who worked on the Oxford vaxx trials).

I am proud to know him, and will never forget the lovely words he said to me when we were both quirky, slightly outside-ry teenagers.

Imissmoominmama · 08/01/2022 22:35

Fuck me, there are some cruel parents out there Sad.

Heartofglass12345 · 08/01/2022 22:35

My mother stabbed my stepdad and I made her phone an ambulance, she got arrested and given a suspended sentence a few months later.

I overheard her talking to him on the phone a few months later discussing him moving back in, called me a pushover (with regards to there being any issues with him moving in with us), and said it was my fault she got arrested because I made her phone an ambulance. He didn't know how bad it was until he went to hospital!

FancySomeChips · 08/01/2022 22:36

“You’re not fat, in fact you’re quite pretty. But you’ve got a belly on you.”

I was a size 8. And 16. And they knew I had an eating disorder.

Cue 17 years of self loathing and stupid diets that did make me fat.

deaexmachina · 08/01/2022 22:36

Another from me. When I was 7 someone tried to abduct me. I managed to get away and ran for my life. When I got to safety and told my mum, she shouted at me. I needed reassurance not punishment. In retrospect she was probably frightened and shocked herself and just blurted it out but it made me very reluctant to ask for help with “big problems” for the rest of my life. When I survived a suicide attempt as a young adult I summoned all my courage and rang her for help. She told me off and called me a stupid girl.
I can still hardly ever manage to ask for help and I’m a grown woman with a family of my own.

2toastornot2toast · 08/01/2022 22:37

My dh was told as a young teenage boy that he was stupid and not clever enough to do computers - there were only limited computers and the top group got to do it- the teacher told him he was a 'bit thick'' & should aim lower.

He now works in IT in a specialist role and that comment is what spurred him on. (I think hes dyslexic and it was never recognised)

thenewduchessoflapland · 08/01/2022 22:39

Not a particular comment but my parents attitude to my weight and physical appearance as a teenager;being told I could do with skipping a few meals and do sit ups when I needed a pair of size 12 jeans when I was nearly 16.I'm 5'4 and was 9.5 stone which is a healthy weight/BMI.

Because of the way I was treated I've gone to massive lengths to never make an issue of my 2 DD's weight/appearance and have read the riot act to my mother when she once tried it.

KitchenMandarin · 08/01/2022 22:39

@turnaroundtime a female teacher, I remember her as one of the 'not nice' teachers, I never ever thought of it in those terms before. I just accepted her opinion of my body ConfusedSad

Puffalicious · 08/01/2022 22:41

A boy I really liked and fancied saying to me 'You really have a lovely face. Look at those eyes, they're lovely. If you just worked on the weight, you know...' as he then looked longingly at some model-type body in our group. Strangely it caused me to totally over-eat. I've always struggled with weight I was a 14,not huge. I've been a size 8 and a size 16 in my life but still the same person. I maintained a size 8 for a decade until kids. I'm now a 12- happy here but I do need to keep an eye on what I eat. His comment all these years later (21) still linger.

My DF calling me 'massive' and asking if I was sure I was only 6 months pregnant didn't help! I lost far too much weight far too quickly after DS1 because of that. He also said my short hair made me look like a man/ 'dyke' . He thought he was being humorous and never meant it but it stung.

My wonderful mam always bigged me up, thankfully. When a friend commented to her that I looked wonderful after DS3, she replied 'My Puffalicious always looks wonderful'. Friend was really emotional as her mother had never said such a thing to her. Sad.

Fetchthevet · 08/01/2022 22:41

Most of mine are people commenting on how ugly I am, as if I need to be told because I can't possibly know it already. My brother saying he didn't want to be seen with me in case anyone saw us and thought I was "the best he could do". Someone looking at me and my sister and saying to my sister "Oh you're the pretty one". Overheard a lady at work saying I must have gone to a clinic to get pregnant as there was no way a man would go near me. Girls at school laughing at me telling me my face was square etc etc. I could go on for hours with these, each one still hurts and I am in my 40s. I wish people would realise that I can't do anything about my face and I am still entitled to live my life no matter how ugly I am.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/01/2022 22:41

I was told as a young teenager by my teacher that I should be more like my sister and to work harder.

I was ill as a child in and out of hospital, abused by a relative and had to look after my younger siblings (I am the oldest) and bring them up because my Mum was an alcoholic.

My sister was never ill, wasn't abused and never had to worry about housework, cooking, bills etc. It still lives with me to this day

VeryOldBlueEyes · 08/01/2022 22:42

I was about 7/8 playing with my friends at the end of our road when an old lady came out of her house and told us to clear off. As we were leaving she looked at me and said 'you've got evil eyes'. Erm thanks.
It's stayed with me all this time. Looking back I suppose she may have had Alzheimers.

TroysMammy · 08/01/2022 22:43

Aged 12 my new friend told me "your eyes are too far apart, your nose is too big, you're just all wrong". This was 42 years ago, she must like me because we're still friends. I'm fact my eyes being "too far apart" make me look younger Smile.

RandomMess · 08/01/2022 22:46

My ears stick out, my front teeth are too big, my nose is too big from my Mum, the only nice thing is my hair colour from my Dad.

Hmmm wonder why ended up very low contact!

Biffatcrafts · 08/01/2022 22:47

Age 17 asked the man (cannot call him father) who adopted me if he loved me at all and why he had agreed to the adoption. His reply ... "No, I've never loved you, and you were adopted because your mother was bored and kept having affairs so I thought a baby would occupy her." (They both blamed each other for their fertility problems.)

Am now NC with both of them, but 40+ years later that comment (when I think about it) still makes me die inside and feel utterly worthless. I put it to the back of my mind as much as possible and have a good life now, but I will never forget it.

loogwq · 08/01/2022 22:47

Two things in particular that have stayed with me.

My grandmother turning round and saying to me when I was 6 that my mum wouldn't love me anymore because she had my brother. (My mum is and was amazing). It really hurt though

The other was a teacher when I was about 14 who said I wouldn't amount to anything but a receptionist. This was in front of the whole class and it really affected me. Nothing wrong with being a receptionist but it was the look of disgust as he said it. I ended up being a teen mum before training and becoming a barrister. Would love to see him now

wildlifeobserver1 · 08/01/2022 22:48

When I got my nose pierced my mother said “Your nose is far too big to pull this off”.
Have been considering a nose job ever since.

TigerKat · 08/01/2022 22:48

My first line manager told me I was too quiet and “would never set the world alight”. It’s always stuck with me. To be fair, I haven’t done anything particularly remarkable with my life but I have grown in confidence and sincerely wish I could go back in time and tell him to fuck off 🤣

FilthyforFirth · 08/01/2022 22:49

Not any one specific comment but being acutely aware from a very young age that my father wanted and expected his first born to be male. I was disappointingly female.

I have spent my whole life playing a tomboy, pretending not to like or care about 'girly' things to the extent that I have no fucking clue who I really am half the time.

I am 37 with a family of my own. Pretty pathetic I know.