Comments that have stayed with you into adulthood

[IcyBlonde15]

I am very conscious now that my words can have a long lasting impact and think very carefully about what I say to people. Two things that have stuck out to me from my teen years are when I was going out with a boy I really loved as a teenager and he told me his friend asked him “what are you DOING with her? She’s scum she’s not good enough for you” always made me very insecure and wondered what was so WRONG with me, and I still sometimes get paranoid that I’m somehow not as good as other people which is mad now I’m an adult! Also a friends mum told me to sit in the front as I was “the largest girl” which started an eating disorder that still rears it’s head now. The impact of words on young minds is so strong I want to teach my kids to be very mindful of things they say as they have no idea the amount of damage it can do. AIBU or maybe just need to get better at letting go of grudges!!

Was always told I was the “difficult”, “grumpy”, “never smiled”, “miserable” etc etc child. Got directly laughed at by my family if I was upset over something, because I wasn’t given the proper tools/comfort to control my emotions and so ended up having what would be seen as a tantrum. This triggered me hugely in my adult life when my now ex used to laugh at me if I was upset rather than comforting me or trying to understand my upset. I did a Marisa Peer RTT session after I had my emotional breakdown and it was all those comments that came flooding back. Very emotional, but it was like a re-set and helped me to identify why I was the way I was. Turns out I had basically soaked up what everyone else had ever told me and became that person.

My father telling me, aged 10, that I was a pig in front of my cousins. They laughed so hard when he left. And so did I. At night I just sobbed because he was so mean and awful all the time. The fact I had to pretend it was hilarious was what was worse. He also frequently told me I had big eyes and was stupid.

My mother telling me that if She hadn’t seen me come out of her she’d never believe I was hers.

My mother telling me, aged 24, how shit my degree was. Just like me. On the day of my graduation. I’d worked for 4 years part time to earn that. Supported myself and with no encouragement from them.

They are still venomous, horrible, bitter people. I’ve gone on to meet a lovely man (they love him and say I don’t deserve him!), have two child and have a lovely home and a great job. They’re not remotely interested in any of that. I’m 50 now and I constantly have to push their hateful words at the back of my mind.

Awful awful people. But they’ve taught me my best lesson - to never be as bitter, jealous or hateful as them..

I was 15 and playing badminton in the sports hall at school. The boys changing room was upstairs and they were looking down on the court. They all started shouting "hey thunder thighs". Shouting I had tree trunks and chunky legs. I was 15 years old and a size 8 and about 8 stone. Still feel self conscious about my thighs now

We moved to the countryside when I was a teenager . I had a long long walk to get the school bus, and then a long journey on a bus( wouldn’t even be allowed now I hope ) I was permanently tired. My parents were not happy , my mother hadn’t wanted to move and she made sure everyone knew it. One Saturday morning I was sitting eating my breakfast and I heard a bang on the window. My mother was outside with a horrible expression on her face , staring through the window . She said” go on . That’s right . You just look after yourself why don’t you” . Another time she shut her fingers in a window ( I wasn’t even there) and she shouted at me that I didn’t care about anyone but myself . 60 years on l still feel a bit guilty if I do/ buy anything for myself. I still see that awful scary look on her face , pressed against the window .

I was always quiet as a child. But I always had really low self esteem which chronically affected my confidence.
When I was around 14, I went to stay at a friend’s house. All my friends were really sociable and outgoing, whereas I was more reserved and was quite happy to be in my own company.
On a lot of the sleepovers I went to, the same boys were always invited too as they were part of our friendship group too.
One of them started talking about me to one of my friends when I was pretending to be asleep.
The conversation went something like:

Boy: “Why is Fun the way she is?”
Friend: “Oh god I don’t know.”

My friend didn’t say a word to stick up for me or tell him to stop being mean. It’s always stuck with me.

But ya know, I may have been an “anti social loser”, but I was always confident in my decisions and what I wanted to do. I never once sat on a park bench in the cold and instead I stayed at home in the warmth. I’m proud of my younger self for not being anyone in order to please that boy or my friend.

‘You look really fat in that skirt’

Said by my mum as my boyfriend ( now husband) picked me up on our first date. He has disliked her ever since (been together 25 years so luckily he didn’t agree with her!)

From day dot I was a "walking disaster" my mother also wished I had never been born and that I was just like my dad, in looks and nature......my childhood was fab!!