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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men who ‘hold court’ at lunch / dinner parties and in general

157 replies

koalacat · 08/01/2022 20:54

This is really annoying me now and so I wanted to ask if anyone can relate to what I mean. I’m afraid to say my husband has these tendencies - but he is far from alone. They seem to dominate the conversation, they don’t speed up, they pause and expect everyone to wait. I find it very entitled and it’s nearly always men who do this in my experience. Even today I have had this. They go on and on. AIBU?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDragon · 08/01/2022 20:58

I agree with you. I've come across a few, including the idiot who tried to tell me I was wrong about something to do with the Civil Service, when he hadn't ever been a civil servant, and I had been in the service foor 20 years.

And yes, all were men.

echt · 08/01/2022 20:59

My own experience has been that it's evenly divided between the sexes, but bloody annoying whoever is doing it.

Sheabutterisdelish · 08/01/2022 21:01

Yes boring, middle aged white men usually

Original poster
koalacat · 08/01/2022 21:02

What annoys me is the way they assume they have ‘the floor’ to talk about whatever they want. I don’t find women do this. They are more self-aware and don’t presume everyone needs to hear what they have to say.

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 08/01/2022 21:03

There’s a certain type of woman who does this too. Some people just love the sound of their own voice. Awful.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 08/01/2022 21:04

Yolandas now ex husband in rhobh did it.

Original poster
koalacat · 08/01/2022 21:06

Particularly in my husbands culture / family, older men are treated like the ‘elder statesmen’ and nobody is allowed to interrupt them. Some are verging on senile frankly, but they go on and on and on about anyone snd anything and the women are supposed to just serve the tea and food and put up with this.

OP posts:
oopsyoudiditagain · 08/01/2022 21:07

What’s even more stunning is how the can’t read facial/body language!
I have tensionally looked bored, shifty eyed, yawned and given monotone mh-hm to whatever they’re going on about and NOTHING!
They just keep on going and going and going!

robinwoo · 08/01/2022 21:11

Yes there certainly seem to be a lot of people around who love the sound of their own voices. I met someone yesterday for the first time and I had a two and a half hour long "conversation" with them in which I said about three sentences. Just not interested in anything I had to say. This seems to happen to me a lot.

oopsyoudiditagain · 08/01/2022 21:14

@robinwoo

Holy hell, me too!

I don’t understand how these turbo mouths always find/pick me!

NiceShrubbery · 08/01/2022 21:16

Found more women than men that do this tbh. Either way, as soon as they start on, I just think of more interesting conversation topics and divert. If they won't be diverted it's time to leave. Was hard 20 years ago, gets much easier to do when you are peri :)

Rightshoardingsaurus · 08/01/2022 21:19

Gah, I loathe people like that. In my experience, it has been mostly men too. Some guy was, well at least in his mind, holding court at an event exhibiting my work and I was due to hold a talk. He was waffling on, spouting absolute bollocks and droning on and on, talking louder over people that tried to get him to shut up. After fuming for a short while, I had enough and decided to take back control. So, I told him that I would have to make a citizen arrest, as he was starting to bore people to an extent it represented grievous bodily harm, all packaged as a joke but firm enough. These days I refuse to play audience and just ignore bores like that and talk over them to people. No fucks given.

dottymac · 08/01/2022 21:25

Mine does this. Especially after I've done all the planning/cooking/any other effort needed to make things happen. He then sweeps in and announces bon appetit (very annoying if it's something I'VE done all the work for. -grrrrrr). He proceeds to hold court while I run about doing all the serving, child wrangling etc. I tend to just roll my eyes and go about my day as usual 🤣 so yes I feel your pain!

DartmoorDoughnut · 08/01/2022 21:26

You married one too?! Commiserations Wine

Perfect28 · 08/01/2022 21:29

Wow if your partner is this person you should leave. You know all your 'friends' hate being around him. I know a few of these people and they irritate me no end.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 08/01/2022 21:33

God we just tell them to shut up

PippaRose · 08/01/2022 21:35

Agree that a certain type of woman does this too.

I find it strange that regardless of sex that they don’t get how boring it is for others.

JanuaryBluehoo · 08/01/2022 21:36

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Yes!!

Those dinner parties and scowling when someone tried to sing a single note! I mean great talent etc but totally and absolutely all.. About him!!

He's been pilloried on insta for a comment about his new wife's slim figure after having a baby.

My df also did it and I've got a food friend that does it. Yes can be hugely annoying except df didn't like to be interrupted at all, my friend's doesn't mind and is also hugely entertaining.

However dh doesn't talk much and neither do dc... I'D rather someone spoke at least!!

blueshiningsea · 08/01/2022 21:41

My worse experience of this was at a business function sitting on a round table opposite Prince Andrew. What a bore. Held court like he was fascinating but droned on and was incredibly boring.

batmanladybird · 08/01/2022 21:46

I have just had a phone conversation with my dad and he complained that I speak too fast
And my mum recognising that dad is one of these holding court types said "well they had to talk fast to get a word in edgeways with you!"

batmanladybird · 08/01/2022 21:48

@blueshiningsea

My worse experience of this was at a business function sitting on a round table opposite Prince Andrew. What a bore. Held court like he was fascinating but droned on and was incredibly boring.
Crikey. Yes I imagine he is very pleased with himself 🙄
immersivereader · 08/01/2022 21:51

Ex used to do this. We were at a dinner party once and he stood up Shock

That was enough for me

lovelygreenplants · 08/01/2022 21:53

@immersivereader

Ex used to do this. We were at a dinner party once and he stood up Shock

That was enough for me

😂
Original poster
koalacat · 08/01/2022 21:56

I told one quick anecdote (no more than 1 min) this afternoon at lunch (which I had done everything for) and was made to feel like I’d been speaking too much. I can’t remember exactly what DH said, but that was the gist. All the women had to them listen to their amazing tales of cycling and wondrous business successes. In the end we just walked off. Drives me insane.

OP posts:
goutabout · 08/01/2022 21:59

I work with a few men and a couple of women who do this. We had an inspection / interrogation once where pompous tit (PT) held court on the first question for about 5 minutes. That gave me time to think up a v short, eloquent answer so it looked like I really knew my stuff and he was the bullshitter.

TBF I'd have looked pretty inept too if I'd gone first without time to think about what I was saying Grin cheers PT, you have your uses

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