Men who ‘hold court’ at lunch / dinner parties and in general

[koalacat]

This is really annoying me now and so I wanted to ask if anyone can relate to what I mean. I’m afraid to say my husband has these tendencies - but he is far from alone. They seem to dominate the conversation, they don’t speed up, they pause and expect everyone to wait. I find it very entitled and it’s nearly always men who do this in my experience. Even today I have had this. They go on and on. AIBU?

My stepfather used to do this and would get very annoyed if anyone dared to not give him full attention for his bore fest.

The best one was when we did a ten hour drive with a small baby to a gite in France we were sharing with him and my DM. He'd invited the whole village to a dinner the minute we got there so he could hold court for the evening. I put a stop to it, we were exhausted and just wanted to unpack and settle in. The whole trip was a sour disaster as he wanted everything his way ie boy's trip with the women doing as they're told. I don't miss his showing off.

Tend to find it’s men who do this. They bore on and on and on. I could never be with a man who did it - I would be dying inside every time.

My ex does this, complete with well placed chuckles at his own alleged (by him) wit and wisdom.

My late father did this all the time and if you didn’t constantly acknowledge his important words with “yup” or “uh huh” or if you looked like you weren’t paying attention, he would pause and wouldn’t continue until you made an acknowledgment. It drove me nuts.

Having said that I know two women who launch into the infinite detail of their private lives at the dinner table regardless of the company. Some of the guests have absolutely no idea what or who they're talking about but they dominate the evening anyway. It's more of a personality thing ie ego rather than sex.

I work with a lot of women and there are definitely women that “hold court”. I find whoever is doing really irritating and don’t like spending time with them.

The worst offender I have ever experienced was a 40-something French man who always had to explain how whatever we were eating or drinking had been produced. He had no self awareness, no sense of irony, no punchline, no point, really - just needed to drone on and on. The worst was a monologue about the wines grown in the Rhone valley, I just wanted him to STFU and pour me some more.

Not my Nigel. It’s one of the reasons I love him. All my friends’ husbands have a tendency to hold court, all my DH’s don’t They’re much better company.

Why are these men not told to shut the fuck up? Why are they being allowed to do this?

Went on a date with a man from an online dating site - usual first date, just a drink, nothing too heavy. He drones on and on and on. Initially, I did try to get a word in edgeways but he wasn’t having it and every time interrupted and turned the conversation right back to him him him. After half an hour of this I told him I had to go. He said what a lovely time he’d had and how interesting I was and would I like to meet again… No irony! I said - how on earth would you know how interesting I am? - you didn’t let me get a word in edgeways. And no, I didn’t want to meet again.

He looked totally despondent and said - oh god, that’s exactly what my last date said.

Both sees do this. But don't let that stop you.

I was in a restaurant in the north west and a man on a nearby table did this while talking about his DIY renovation. His table was entirely silent for the (long) duration.
It was so monotone we almost found ourselves tuning in!

I think women can do this when they are just with other women but when the group is mixed it tends to be the man who do it. I am really not surprised about Prince Andrew!

He looked totally despondent and said - oh god, that’s exactly what my last date said.

And yet he still did exactly the same thing again.

He deserves to stay single.

The covid version of this is the bore who controls the zoom or teams call. Working from home we're strongly encouraged to participate in 2 calls per week, one is work related and the other is meant to be a more social catch up. I've some colleagues who talk endlessly, others who never get to speak at all. Minor health problems are discussed ad nauseum.

@WarmWinterSun

No. I find that many women sit back and let men dominate the conversation. For goodness sake women- speak up and be part of the conversation! Eye-rolling and passive aggressive body language solves nothing.

True

When I took early retirement I joined the committee of our local , volunteer run, village shop. Our Chairman is a man. During meetings he will suddenly start laughing to himself and then say "Oh that reminds me....." He will then launch into one of those bloody monologue joke things that only men seem to do that go on forever. I find my eyes glazing over and the voice in my head saying over and over "I don't care.....nope I don't give a shit ...." He does it at least once during every meeting and did it during every speech he made at social events (before covid). I don't know of a single woman who does this. The meeting is in full flow and he starts this shit. At the end of the performance you are supposed to laugh. It's just painful.

If women are also guilty they are very much bronze medalists in this event. Men have made it high art.

Years ago we took our staff out for our annual meal (only 8 of us). Our receptionist brought her DH whom none of us had met before. He dominated the whole evening describing his issues with his brother and their father's will. Nobody else really got a word in. We don't do staff meals out any more.

My mother's cousin does the long, tedious , not funny monologues. When my father was in the last year of his life mums cousin and his wife came to stay. Dad had Parkinsons and it had robbed him of some of his social filters. Cousin started on yet another endless joke from hell. Dad suddenly burst out with "Oh for gods sake cousin we've heard all of these awful stories before". The room froze. Dad looked astonished at the fact that everyone had heard him. Presumably he thought it was the voice in his head talking. Haven't seen the cousin since so don't know whether it has stopped him forever. I do hope it has

You married one too?! Commiserations

They started doing this only after you were married?

Oh god my DH’s uncle is like this. His career involved lots of corporate entertaining, often breaking the ice between people who didn’t know each other, and I think he still sees it as his job to keep conversation flowing and fill gaps.

Except that we all know each other, have plenty to say, and there aren’t gaps. So it’s just him dominating with his anecdotes which we’ve all heard already.

BIL could easily go the same way. Pray for us.

Evenly divided sex wise but fuck those people irritate me so I compete...

I have a friend who says one of the things she most loves about her husband is that you can drop him into any situation and he can chat away and get on anywhere and with anyone.
I find him to be just a boring conversation dominator who talks over everyone else and stifles genuinely interesting conversation.
Takes all sorts I suppose

it comes from a place of insecurity. It is to be pitied. And all anyone can do is look as if through a glass window at a zoo.